A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have been having relationship problems. I keep screwing up, him and my best friend used to date but it only lasted a week. and now they cant stand each other/hate each other. My boyfriend used to be a loner. didnt go out much, didnt go out anywhere unless it was to the dentist. i came along and changed that. Along the way i fell in love him. and he with me. Anywayz a couple of times we've hit sum bumps in the road and im always quick to say why dont we take a break. etc. and then the next day im literally asking to work things out and go back with him. well this last time is different. We figured out that we both want different things. im ready to settle. get married, move in, have kids. and hes not. keep in mind that im 18 and going to culinary school. and hes 21 no job and living with his parents, didnt graduate highschool. he kept repeating thos lines that "this is wats best for us" etc. I sat there arguing with him about it from midnight to 3:30 in the morning. and finally got it outta him that he just wants to be alone and that hes tired of all the arguments and breaking up. and he doesnt wanna be the reason i lose my best friend. that he'd feel guilty about not giving me what i want and making me wait for him for when hes ready if hes ever ready. i know i messed up breaking up with him any little time i got scared of getting hurt. but this last time I dont know it just really hit home that im losing him.he wants to stay friends and then see if later in life we both are single and want to give it a try. but i love him now. I want him now no one else. i dont want to "wait" that long..for however long it'll be before he realizes. please help how do i make things better? is there anyway i can get hom to come back to me. i love him with all my heart. and im not ready to let go. but if its best for me to move on i guess i'll have too. please help!!
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a break, best friend, fell in love, move on Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks you guys really helped me out!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 September 2010):
You're not ready. At all. I know you think you are, but you're not ready for marriage or kids.
Take at look at how you've conducted this relationship, and how he's acted.
Every time you feel there is a problem, you suggest a break. That's not the sign of a mature women ready to have a family. That's a sign that you're still a girl and you've got a lot to learn, specifically about men and what love it. Love is not splitting every time there is a problem. You can't marry if all you do is split up. You can't bring a child into the world if all you'll do is split up with its father before getting back together. And you're still at school! Children aren't free, and you need a hell of a lot of money (US$150,000+ over 18 years MINIMUM), a house in a decent area and such if you want to give it a decent life.
And, lets face it, your choice of guy isn't the best. He's unemployed, has the basic of career options and isn't really any more mature than you when it comes to relationships.
Finish school, get a career, work on trust issues or insecurity issues, live your own life for a while then settle down with a guy you won't continually dump, and who can offer you more.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (19 September 2010):
 Please do not let your desperation to be married and start a family at the grave OLD age of 21 make you settle for a guy who hasn't finished high school, has no job, lives at home and has some sort of disorder that makes him want to live like a recluse except to go to the dentist, You keep breaking up with him because this is not a relationship of equals. You are a woman with some goals for herself that she is putting into action. Your best friend didn't want him, why should you?I don't think you love him with your whole heart, I think you are competitive and want to hang in there and win this one. He's no prize, you can do better. Compete in the real world of culinary school...you're going to need that edge to get a great job and keep it.Move on.
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