A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I''ve got a really bad pattern when it comes to guys. I meet someone I'm attracted to, I assume that they would never consider a relationship with me, I have sex with them and then freak out because I assume that they would never want to date me, and as a result become so awkward/frosty with them, that even if there was a possibility they would want more than sex, they assume I don't and keep their distance. I've always done this and it's bothered me, but never enough to change. Now I think I may have met someone I could seriously like and have repeated the same pattern. By now I don't think he'll do anything but run for the hills, but I need to do something to change for my own peace of mind. Even if it backfires I need to know that I didn't just put up a barrier against this person and I need some help to make sure I don't keep repeating the same mistake. So any tips on how to approach this bloke and any advice on how to stop myself doing the same with the next? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 December 2013):
The first thing I would say is to slow down with the sex. You don't need to have sex too early on with a man, far from it. You'd be better off just taking a bit more time getting to know the man before you have sex, so you know that he won't necessarily run away. Go on several dates, all different, and really get to know this guy. If he's a genuinely decent guy, you'll soon see that he won't run away.
Secondly, it's clear that you have some kind of issue with regards to men running away. Has a man run away from you before and really hurt you? Perhaps some counselling or something might help, if you just learn to understand where these feelings come from, you'll be able to learn how to deal with them and not put up a barrier.
|
