A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My problem is I've discovered some strange things about myself.I think I'm bisexual and I'm completely in love with my best friend (I'm female and I'm 16), I think about her all day and all night, recently I explained to her my feelings. She told me she would always and had always loved me more then a friend but did not want to risk our friendship by becoming a couple, in case we broke up. I agree with her but it still hurts to see her with her new girlfriend. They had a huge fight over me the other day because my freinds girlfriend accused her of having feelings for me, my friend said "yeah I do" and she told her that I would always be more important. Her girlfriend forgave her. But I haven't got to the strange part of my story yet, sometimes I fantasise about herself and me in ummmm erotic scenes, what's weird is that in my fantasies we do vampiric type things, like i'll cut her and lick at her blood or she will do it to me, sometimes I'll be biting her neck (not hard), I really want these things to happen but I don't know why. I don't like the taste of blood or anything but still I want to taste her blood and her to taste mine. Some of my fantasies are sort of violent but... we never really harm each other.I've always loved vampire books and movies and sometimes certain things would turn me on a lot.I know someone who is turned on by these things as well.I never been a violent person, I don't want to cause anyone harm, I love my friend and wouldn't dream of hurting her. Also I know my own self harm has something to do with it. Once I covered my lips in blood and pretended I was a vampire... I was being stupid, but I felt a kind of thrilling satisfaction physically and mentally. That's when my bloody fantasies began, I know lots of my friends have similar fantasies but I also know that they would never act on them. But I wan't to.. does that make me a freak.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThing is I'm not into anything dark at all,except maybe gothic books or movies,and I've never fantasised about hurting her Or "cutting her up" I just have weird thoughts.Oh and also My freind thinks she's bisexual as well.And I want her to do the weird vampiric things to me as well.I hate hurting people,these fantasies are not about hurting her there kind of spiritual/and creepy.I think its something to do about feeling alive,seeing my own blood makes me feel alive and I guess in some way I want to share this with her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): I agree with Teacake! You need an outlet for all these fantasies. Fantasies are harmless as long as they're just fantasies. It's when you become obsessed with making them a reality that it becomes scarey!
Writing could be a great way of documenting your feelings and getting them out of your head. You could start by keeping a journal. By keeping a record and re-reading it periodically, you can process easier!
Yes...there is a lot of unhealthy drama going on...but you never know...if you begin to keep a record, it could possibly turn it into a healthy career as a writer!
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (24 November 2008):
 Personally I think you should get out more. Your letting your head run away a bit, and its not really healthy.
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A
male
reader, cockainis  +, writes (24 November 2008):
 Hi. First your being bi-sexual. If you had a friend who told you that he/she was getting married now, you'd probably freak out and say that he/she's too young. Same with sexual preferrences. Give it time before you call yourself bi-sexual. Mostly it's just a phase in life. But carrying through it sometimes is merely because of the momentum of being open about it. My advise is to give yourself some time. Life is all about choosing the right road.
About your vampiritic sexual fantasies, I think that's how they should stay - as fantasies. Remember that you are only one side of the equation. You do not know if the other side of the equation would want you to cut her up and lick her blood.
I suggests that if this fantasy overpowers you, it would be best for you to ask for guidance form someone who guides people for a living. See a doctor or a psychologist. Forums will not help you when fantasies overpower you.
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (24 November 2008):
 Perhaps you might try writing short stories and publishing them. A much healthier activity for sure.
I recommend Poppy Z Brite stories in case you need an example for your own creativity.
Best not to get mixed up in all that darkness in real life as it sounds already like there is a lot of unhealthy drama that can get much worse.
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