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male
,
anonymous
writes: Recently while on lunch, a shy young gent came up to me, saying that he hopes he's not being to forward or assuming things. He said that he has noticed me many times before and that he found me very attractive and that he'd like to go for coffee and get to know me better. He gave me his company card with his number already written on the underside. I was shocked. I wasn't expecting that. To be honest I was flattered, but shocked.I have a sweet face, but I do not look or even act gay. Now here's the catch: I am involved with a guy and no one knows for 2 amazing yrs. We love each other loads. I emailed my partner telling him what had happened because we tell each other the truth and never keep any secrets from each other. I told him that something very funny happened to me and I explained the story, and he responded back, by saying, "that's nice, good, go" then he sent another message saying that when he read the message he felt sad, then he asked what I did for him to give me his number, and why I thought he'd ask me, and that I must go have fun and forget about him. That hurt me and broke my heart deeply, I told him that I did nothing wrong.He has told me before of similar situations happening to him, but I never reacted that way, or said anything to hurt him. I know he was hurt, but he knows that I wouldnt do anything, my heart belongs to him. He doesn't respond to my emails, all he says is that he is very busy. What's happening here? I DID nothing wrong, I told him the truth as I always do and he said some things that hurt me? Please give me some advice.
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (30 September 2005):
 He is basically just letting you lay yourself on a guilt trip. He's getting to you by using your feelings for him to his benefit. When he told you he wishes for you to go and have fun with this other guy, he wanted you to reassure him that you were not gonig to do it because you love him dearly, etc. Dont let this get to you as you've done nothing wrong here. Let your boyfriend wallow in his own immature behaviour and let him reflect how childish his statements were. I swear if he'd break up with you over this, he would be crawling back to you in no time!! He was just testing the waters so to speak so dont fall for it. you can play it the way he wants you to, ie telling hmi you wouldnt do it and that you're not interested in anyone else but him, but I hoenstly dont see the point in playing mind games like this!!
A
female
reader, wishes +, writes (30 September 2005):
 I wouldnt worry too much about your partners response. He feels insecure, and probably thinks that obviously now you know you can get someone else you will. He will get over it. Dont try to take it personally or make too much of it, and if he trys to bring it up or make you feel guilty, just tell him that you know you havent done anything wrong, and you dont want to talk about it because you feel as though he is making a big deal over nothing. He knows deep your heart will stay will him, and he will realise this when he sees that you are not straying. I have a very insecure partner, who I just dont say things like this to anymore, its not that Im being dishonest, I just dont feel the need to tell him when other guys try to pick me up etc, because it makes him upset. Whereas- he will continue to tell me when girls try to pick him up. Its no big deal and it did take me a bit of getting used to, everyone is different and I am learning to accept that now.
The other thing that I wanted to say is Be yourself! I cant believe that you have been able to keep your secret hidden for so long. Its who you are and you should be proud of it. I know that its easier said than done however you will never feel completely happy if your friends and family do not know the real you and get to know the most important person in your life. It will be a complete shock, and it will be hard, but you need to do this for both of your sakes. Just give your friends and family time to get used to the whole thing. Best Wishes. Dont deny yourself happiness. Please! xo
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