A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im 24... not sure if im bi. i love men, but occasionally would have "fun" with women. i dont wish to label myself.a year ago i got to know this woman at a birthday bash, let's call her gwen, she's the gf of one of my male friend.. she's nice, beautiful, smart and classy, and because she was so shy i always make fun of her and make her talk to me. she thinks im a funny person because i made her laugh a lot. on one occasion we got a lil tipsy at a party and we made out in the bathroom.....eventually it led to sex. it didnt turn out to be awkward after that and she was cool with it.. and when she went back to her bf she acted like nothing happened. so after that day we met a couple of times...at the hotel, at my place.. from few times a month to few times a week. but it wasnt a secret LOVE affair... just purely a sexual relationship (or FWB). 2 weeks ago she came to my place, and as usual we made out... i was kissing her lips, then when i went down to her neck with hands all over her body, she pulled my head up to kiss her on lips again. i thought she wanted more kissing so i kissed her. then when i tried going down again she pulled me up again to kiss her. the kissing became a little intense...which wasnt what i expected.. and suddenly she whispered i love you into my mouth. i stopped her immediately, and asked what was going on. she explained that she has fallen in love with me and can't go back to her bf (who is my friend!)... i told her it was purely a FWB relationship and nothing else and she should know it. she said she understood, but couldnt suppress her feelings anymore.after that night i felt so bad...so so bad.. i didnt give her an answer because i've never thought of being romantically linked to her..she has a bf! and all i wanted was fun. i've never been sweet to her and all, except some sweet talking on bed.. i forced myself not to think if im in love with her.. because i shouldnt even think about it! i dont want to be in love with her, i have no intention of snatching her away from my friend, i dont want to ruin a couple who's been tgt for 6 years. i care for her as a friend and i am only attracted to her physically. that's all i know. i know im in wrong...but it was the temptation i couldnt resist. if i could turn back time i wouldnt have done it. i havent seen her lately, but i know we will see each other at some parties/gatherings--we have many mutual friends. what should i do? what if she leaves her bf? my friend love her to death and would be devastated if he knew we had slept tgt many times...honestly...i miss her a little. i want to know how she's doing now and if she's still feeling sad, but im so afraid to contact her.... should i go MIA/ avoid going parties, contacting my friend (her bf) and ignoring her calls for a few months and see if things get better? how do i handle this situation like an adult! btw my friend hasnt found out about our affair
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affair, has a boyfriend, I love you, kissing, she has a boyfriend, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): If she really loved this friend of yours she never would have had an affair on the side. This alone suggests that she was unhappy in the relationship.
I assume that she will leave him either way.
It's up to you to decide if you want to be with her or not, but I can tell from your post that you do. "I shouldn't even think about it" likely means that you really WANT to, but feel a need to control yourself.
A
female
reader, GabiLC  +, writes (16 June 2009):
 Yes, you are in the wrong. You should have made it clear early on that you intended it to be strictly a FWB type of relationship. But you can't go back in time. So now, the fact that you miss talking and seeing her is telling me that you have a connection. It may not be a strong, loving connection, but nevertheless, it's a connection. Obviously, Gwen is ready and willing or sort of ready to leave her boyfriend to be with you. The big thing is, and I would suggest, you find out both of your sexual orientations. If both of you are bi, that could be a problem. Why could it be a problem? Well, if you two are dating, one could see a cute guy quickly and then it's over.Gwen and her boyfriend have been together for some years but now she has found her true self with your help. This is not uncommon. You can't avoid her because you helped her. If you were in her shoes, how would you feel? You need to call her. Maybe you can build your connection and end up with a happy and prosperous relationship. I hope this helps.
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