A
male
age
30-35,
*asteaway
writes:Dear CupidI have a chat moment with my girlfriend coming up. Its something not good. Shes getting frustrated with me. I got her upset about a board game time. I have a thing called Asbergers syndrome and she knows it. I don't think she knows everything about it. I know it made her mad that I wasn't having fun with them and I should have said that I should go home and that I need to have a nap. I was tired too that day. I couldn't do basic math on the board game and my friend that was there too and my girl where getting frustrated that I wasn't able to. A thing with asbergers syndrome I have is that sometimes I seem like I am uninterested or not really responsive. They had this Idea I wasn't having fun on because I looked out of it. I was tired too. They offered to have me go home. I started to cry because they where playing jokes on me and I didn't know how to deal with it. I do now. Now shes pretty upset with me and is feeling less about me.I know I can fix this. There are problems I would like to address with her. There are two major ones I see. I wasn't sure if I could talk to her about it. One is communication and the other is boundaries. I don't know whats appropriate to talk to her about. Thats another thing about asbergers. Its not fun being this self conscious. This Monday she wants to talk to me. I want to address our issues and problems and she might want to break up with me but she sounds like shes also willing to give me a chance to fix this. She doesn't think I can. I know I can. Address the issues and problems and admit we have those problems and then hopefully she works it out with me. We have worked out other things in the past. She wants to meet me at the pier at the end of it. I don't want this to be it. She does have the mind set that she can say its over but I told her that I want to fix it.I know that communication is a problem because when we had our second little fight She finally told me I was clingy. I told her I wanted to fix it and she said that she agrees and sees I can fix it. I did fix it too. I let her come to me when she wants me. That got fixed. I just want some advice from some ladies that know what to do. I want someone who knows what to say or some idea what I should do. This girl is worth the time for me. I know that really well. The asbergers thing isn't that big I can find ways around that after I figure out the boundaries with her. What is there I can say to make her feel like things are okay and that theres no problems? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, thats_not_my_name  +, writes (17 August 2008):
 hey! my bro has autism (though a lot more severe than yours!) however i've come into contact with a lot of ppl with the same sorts of problems as you, so i understand a bit about your problems. asberger's is a hard syndrome to live with and your gf may be finding it difficult to understand how you are feeling and how hard you find it to read her emotions. just calmly explain to her that sometimes you don't always understand how she is feeling and she may need to explain it to you so that you can sympathise with her. also let her know how hard you find it to see boundaries and that if you say something inappropriate, it isn;t intentional. apologise for what happened and explain that you were just tired and you do enjoy spending time with her. explain that sometimes you get frustrated as you don't know how to deal with things. say that you know it must be hard for her but that you think that you can make it work and you'd really like if she gave you another shot. just make it clear that despite your communication problems you know that you can fix this and make it work. ask her to be patient. hopefully she'll be willing to give it another shot, but this may not work out. however you will find someone who loves you for who you are and see past your asberger's. good luck hope i helped a bit and if you ever want to talk, just message me :) xxxxxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2008): i wouldn't just talk about your asbergers because otherwhise she may just feel compelled to stay with you out of pity.
I know that seems harsh, so sorry.
good luck hope all goes well
henri
xxxx
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (17 August 2008):
 Hi,
My brother has Aspergers as well so I can understand your difficulty with communication.
I think what you need to do is sit her down and calmly say "I understand why you are upset with me, I understand that I can get pretty frustrating at times, but please listen to me while I explain. You know I have Aspergers syndrome, but I don't think you completely understand the things I find difficult because of it." You could then go into the fact that you find communicating with others quite hard and that she needs to take into consideration that sometimes you will have problems talking to her. You could then ask her what she expects from you so that when a situation arises when you don't know what the boundaries are, you can think back to this conversation with her, and know how to deal with it in a way that would please her.
A good way to communicate something to a loved on is to start what you're saying with "I feel that..." or " I think that..." because she can't blame you for having feelings, but she can blame you for accusing her should you use terms such as "You did ....!" or "You didn't...!
I'm sure if you try to talk to her about your communication difficulties in whatever way you can, and tell her that you sometimes have problems in social situations (such as losing concentration), that she will take this into consideration when such situations arise. You should also tell her that to keep your mind on track, you need a sleep at some point during the day. I think the fact that she doesn't know about this particular problem with communication, that she takes it as ignorance or that you're not trying hard enough. I think she will appreciate the fact that you have tried explaining why things are the way they are because then she'll have more of an idea of what she needs to be more accepting of and what she needs to take into consideration when things get tough for you.
I hope this helps.
All the best.
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