A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm sorry if this is a little long, so for those who have time to read it and give me advice - many thanks in advance.So, it's been about 4 months since my ex bf broke up with me. We started dating the summer before I went back to school for my last year of college, so we only had a few months together before going long distance. And although he said he wasn't a huge fan of LDR, he really wanted to take a chance with me. It was the first serious relationship for us both. We were really great together, we never fought and were really sweet and had a lot of fun. He was just about the perfect boyfriend, and I felt so lucky to have him.About 3 months into the LDR part, he told me that he felt his feelings had changed. He said because of the distance he started to feel disconnected, and that it was hard, because his idea of a relationship was being able to share experiences with the other person. Because I wasn't able to be there all the time he felt his feelings were fading. He didn't blame me for anything either, and said he still cares about me and wants to be friends and that he knows we will see eachother again. But he couldn't give any promises about getting back together in the future, because you can ever know what will happen for sure. I was just crushed.Since the break up we've been in light contact, just an email or a chat every once in awhile. And I've ran into him one time as well. It's hard because for me "distance makes the heart grow fonder" and I still miss him a lot, but I think he might be more of an "out of sight out of mind" kinda of person. Although, I've been very careful to not tell him I miss him or any of that yet. And he hasn't said anything along those lines either. We are on good terms, but I've been making a big effort to give him space, and just keep friendly contact.Im really hopeful that after I graduate (3 months), I will be in a position to possibly see him more often. Im still left wondering if it was really the distance that broke us up or if we really just grew apart. And part of it is confusing because i'm not sure that our relationship had the time it needed to mature to a point where it could withstand long distance. I really felt like we needed more time. I would really like to be able to spend time with him again as friends even, just to see if there might be anything left between us when distance is no longer a factor. Part of me also misses him as a friend. I don't want to be a stalking ex or force him into anything uncomfortable, but i'm not sure what the best way to go about communicating is with hopes of meeting up in the future. I haven't spoken to him since I last ran into him in person.I'm wondering if I should try to keep up light email/online conversation every couple weeks to keep me in his thoughts? or will that annoy him and I'd be better off leaving him alone completely until I graduate and then send him a message to meet up? What do I do next??At the end of the day, I will respect his decision because he was such a great guy. But I honestly don't feel that I can move on until I know for sure that I've made my best effort to fight for what I want.please help!
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broke up, crush, long distance, move on, my ex, stalking Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): I understand what you are going through.Im going through a stressful situation myself right now and I know people can use all the help they can through these sad times.My advice is to keep up the phone calls,emails and texts every couple weeks so he is at least thinking about you. When time is not a factor,then make some time to ask him to lunch or dinner and let him know how you feel. The best advice I can give you is honesty,that way you will have no regrets that you should have told him what you were feeling. He could be feeling the same way. Men do not always express themselves like women. Good luck and keep your chin up. Never lose hope
A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (28 February 2011):
 I think if he still wants to be friends, then he will not be annoyed by your keeping in touch over email. I think that's a good idea because it will help you to feel connected to him.
You sound like a rational and thoughtful person. You are probably right that your relationship was still too new to withstand an LDR commitment. You only have three months. Keeping in touch over email or a call every now and then until then will show him he is still in your thoughts and will be a good basis for a renewal of a future relationship, if it is meant to be.
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