A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This happens to me a lot and I'm getting sick of it. What can I do to stop this from happening? It doesn't seem to happen to any of my guy friends. My guy friends just give me s**t and tell me I'm never going to get laid.When I try to approach a girl, she'll either ignore me or humiliate me loudly. (If you want to reject me, what's wrong with a polite, "I'm not interested/I'm not looking"?) I don't grab ass, I don't stare at boobs, I actually try to strike up a conversation but they always act like they're just being polite and trying to get away. I do this is safe, public places like coffee houses or libraries or something like that. I'm not a bar person. I don't like drinking or girls who doI was told I need to man up and be more aggressive, because the girls were playing hard to get and I should give a girl my number (cue humiliating me or trying to accuse me of creeping her out or assaulting her - I NEVER did that to any woman and I was told that was my bad luck and that woman was just a b**ch). All I did was put my hand on her arm and lean in closer so we could talk quietly. That's all. She HAD seemed nice when I'd talked to her a few times before and THAT girl approached ME initially.If I just sat around and waited for girls to approach me, nothing would ever happen. I've posted my picture on dating sites and was told when I asked that I wasn't ugly or anything. I go work out sometimes and I take care of my skin and my teeth and I dress in clothes that actually fit so I don't know what the problem is. Yes, I shower and no, I don't drown myself in cologne. I did go to a few parties where girls were drinking and they've flirted really hard, ran their hands everywhere (use your imagination) told me they wanted to f**k me and then once we got our clothes off (even once, when I was about to enter the girl) she changed her mind. This has happened five times. Three times with this one girl I thought liked me. she was actually sober the other two times and changed her mind at the last second after being all over me. Everytime I touched her (kissing her ears, pulling down her shirt) I asked if it was OK and she said it was. She would call every night and talk my ear off or text all day long and she seemed like she really liked me. Now she won't answer my calls and said that if I call back she would get me for attempted rape. I thought there was some mistake because I NEVER did that to her and she texted that to me. This is after everyone I talked to said she was the sweetest person they ever met even though she talks too much. They also said she was easy but I was determined not to treat her that way.So I guess it's not just about not getting laid or not getting a girlfriend. I am sick of all that but this girl really put me over the top. Can anyone explain whats going on?
View related questions:
boobs, flirt, mixed messages, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2013): OP, its actually a bit rude to go up to girls you don't know at coffee shops and start trying to hit on them. Many people go to coffee shops because they want to read or work on their computer but with livelier surroundings than the library or home office. Or because they want to drink the coffee too. Or they were already reading or studying at home for many hours and just need a change of scenery to stay motivated to keep working. It is wrong to assume the book or computer is just a prop! As a woman who goes to coffee shops a lot with my books and computer, i actually dont know any other women who only have a book/compiter as a prop. Thats kinda silly dont you think? Anyway, you should be more respectful of female strangers' personal space.Why not ask your female friends to help set you up on dates with their friends. That's the shortcut for people who are just not social enough to keep up a busy calendar of lots of different activities and clubs and organizations and there's nothing wrong with that. In the past and still in many cultures today, dating and marriage relationships are pre arranged for the couple in advance by other people they know.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2013): OP here
I was friends toward girls in high school and I got to know a lot of girls in person for who they were. Problem was, they always said we were too good of friends to go out. I was told Iwas too nice and that I needed to be more aggressive. I just need to know hwo to hit the happy medium I guess. And I walk up to girls in coffee shops because they're supposed to be like bars only no one is drinking. I always thought the book and the computer was just a prop, I mean, why not do that at home or the office? If you don't want totalk, why are you in public?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2013): If you're that desperate to get laid, look online for casual hook ups, then at least you will know the other party is on the same page. Otherwise misunderstandings and bad feelings are bound to be the norm when you pursue sex with someone you hardly know and without making your intentions explicit (for fear that being honest will rightfully cut your chances of success even lower). I get annoyed whenever guys approach me just because they want a date. I am thinking, you don't even know me so why do you want to go on a date? Because sex is the ultimate goal? I only date men I already know. How did I get to know them? Not through them walking up to me out of the blue asking me to go on a date (I find that creepy). But through non dating related situations like at work, at the non profits I volunteer with, at the sports clubs I participate in and so on. Through these normal every day situations I come into with and get to know people including guys who are single. That's how I get to know them. Then if one of them asks me out I am more inclined to want to accept the invitation since I already know this person. If it doesn't work out hey at least we got to know each other better and cam be friends.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2013): Just wanted to back up what the second female anon poster below said. Spot on, listen to her. It's 5 star advice but she is anon so no way to feed that back to her.
...............................
A
female
reader, shna  +, writes (24 November 2013):
 Mabye this girl wanted to change herself she could have felt she was giving it away and building a reputation and mabye she didnt want that anymore for herself! Just ignore this girl she is obviously no good for you!Its a shame you dont go to bars more often ! Dating isnt the same as it was ten years ago since all this craze of technology but here we are.Personally if i was in a coffee shop or whatever and a stranger hit on me i would feel intimidated and uncomfortable i wouldnt like it just my opinionIts a shame you dont go to bars because alcohol relaxes people and you find more confidence its probably why so many of your friends have gotten laid ! But im not going to sit here an tell you how to live your life !! Why dont u try more approachable people like a waitress who is serving you things like that where you can get a bit of conversation from sombody instead of poucing on sombody who is enjoying some space for themselves ?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2013): It sounds to me like you're coming on too strong. Your post screams of desperation and that will be very obvious to any girls you speak to. Also, approaching complete strangers when they are in the library or something similar when they have shown no signs of interest or even acknowledgement of you will probably freak them out too. Just because you like the look of them doesn't mean the feeling is mutual and they don't owe you anything just because you decided to approach them.Your post also seems very sex orientated and this is a major turn off for girls. Most girls are not interested in casual sex, and those that do it often do it because they hope it will make a guy like them. If you want to have casual sex only then you will have your work cut out for you anyway, regardless of how good your 'chat' is. You might have slightly better luck with drunk girls (not recommended though), yet as you have found, people can often do things they regret when they are drunk and it can get a bit messy.My advice to you would be to start treating women as people you want to get to know. Try to get to know them gradually and in a natural way, rather than approaching strangers and trying to magic up some sort of relationship, sexual or otherwise, out of nowhere. And also please try to stop being angry when someone isn't interested too. People have a right to like who they want to, speak to who they want to and change their mind when they want to. The sooner you come to terms with that the better.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2013): A girl knows what's on a boy's mind as soon as he starts to talk to her. They don't like it when boys seem awkward, or too pushy.After reading your post, I know you're exaggerating out of your frustration. You haven't tried but so many times. I think your approach is too overwhelming. You give up angry, if you don't get your way.You don't seem to have a lot of luck with girls, and it may just be that you're coming off too desperate. You may not realize it, but they do. Have some patience.Relax a bit and get all your past failures out of your head.You're over-thinking, that makes you come off creepy and mechanical. Stop trying so hard. If you approach a girl and all you have on your mind is getting laid, they're going to back away. Your facial expressions are sometimes involuntary, and they give you away. If your eyes bulge or glaze over, or you have a nervous tick; the ladies will do an about-face.If girls change their minds at the last minute; it might be because you may not have condoms, or you're too eager. They may be intimidated by the size of your penis, if they don't have a lot of sexual experience. They have a right to change their minds; because they just might be too scared at the time. That doesn't by any means make them a bitch or a tease.You have to be cool and relaxed. Control your breathing, and treat them tenderly. Start with kissing and making out. If they don't want to go any further; it's because it's too soon, and they want to get to know you first. Some girls just don't have sex on the first date. Some don't for weeks after you start dating. They want to know if you really like them. They want to really like you first. Don't listen to rumors about girls being easy. Jerks say that out of disrespect or the fact she may have turned him down. Even if she earns the reputation of being sexually active; she has a right to pick and chose who you likes.It may not include you!If you just want to hop on top of a girl on the first meeting, better reset your goals and your attitude.If you're feeling too frustrated; I don't see how it wouldn't show on your face. Chill dude!Some guys just have a look that makes people nervous.I think if you just calm down. Just have some real conversation, you'll charm the ladies. You have to win them over little by little. Don't go storming in like a swat team.Just keep practicing and don't get upset if it doesn't work out with a few girls. If you don't succeed, you just keep trying.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 November 2013):
 The only thing I could think of is that you didn't bring a condom and the girls were not on birth control. If you had, then my answer would be different and I had to think about something else. Initially I thought about dick size. I would never reject anyone regardless of size but leaving without any explanation is rude.
Another possibility is racism. It's hard to tell just from the post what's going on but if there are 5 girls doing this I would say it has got to be more than all five of them being cock teasers.
...............................
|
