A
female
age
41-50,
*inseybrown1981
writes:I have just had my first baby with my husband 5 months ago. I have always had a weight and body image problem and I hated the way I looked when I was pregnant. My body is in such a mess since having my baby and I have no confidence, especially when it comes to having sex. Even though I had low esteem before my baby was born, I had a high sex drive and would often come onto my husband. I now don't feel this way and I am finding it very hard to deal with.One afternoon, as we where watching tv, I started stroking my husbands genitals and was becoming very aroused. He went upstairs to go to the toilet, and as he was away a long time, I went up to see what he was doing. I caught him masturbating, and I was furious. I asked him why he needed a wife if he was going to carry on like that and why did he not ask me if I wanted to have sex, instead of sneaking upstairs to pleasure himself. He obviously doesn't find me attractive if he has resorted to this, he was never a man to do that sort of thing. I don't know what to do. I used to have time to make myself look sexy for him,now with the baby I don't and I don't even want to try because I know I look so awful. I feel like I cant be in a relationship anymore, as I feel so undesirable. Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): I have a good guess as to why he wanked.Its nothing to do with your weight or that he doesn't love your body anymore.You have given him the best gift any guy can ever ask for.Immortality of his gene for generations to come.This is the time when he is head over heels in love with you.He is turned on by anything that you do.It might be something as simple as feeding your baby or something as complicated as you simply gazing at him.ha ha.So please don't worry about your weight or image.
Now the reasons may go like this.Try to answer honestly to yourself.
* you found sex painful and difficult after the delivery?
* you are constantly busy with the baby,are plain exhausted and haven't slept in days.?
* you have dark circles around your eyes from sleeplessness and are ready to cry from happiness if anyone offers you a hour of respite and asks you to sleep.?
If the answers to my assumptions were yes,your husband loves you a lot and you are really lucky.
Confused?He was really aroused by what you did.He knows you have been very tired and working too hard with the baby.So being a gentleman and in love with you he didn't want to make you feel any pain or more tired.so he relieved himself.
This problem can easily be corrected.Tell him or show him that you are not fragile and are not made of eggshells.Talk to him that this is the time for both of you guys to have the best sex of your lives.
A higher self esteem leads to an improvement in quantity and quality of sex.Remember the woman who believes in herself is the prettiest of the lot.It doesn't matter whether you are fat or slim.Guys don't notice myriad details such as stretch marks or fats here and there.
Check out another thread that will definitely help you.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-know-if-my-husband-doesnt.html
From one new mom to another,all the best dear.Hope this helps you.
A
female
reader, Ravenxx91 +, writes (15 November 2008):
 I think you need to talk to your husband about this. You have had a baby and he has obviously loved and found you attractive. He's married you and probably loves you exactly how you are regardless off how you look. Maybe hes scared of rushing you after the pregnancy?
Talk to him honey. It helps =]
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): Most guys enjoy a wank sometimes, even those in a very healthy relationship! Don't be impatient with him. Tell him how you feel. He'll probably think you're being silly! Also bear in mind that you've only just had the baby, so give your body a chance to pick itself up! You won't change back miraculously.
Plan a romantic evening with him, to remind yourselves how much you enjoy each other's company.
You won't have much time for exercise right yet, but eat really healthily, maybe indulge in some nice cosmetics. They'll make you look better and feel rejuvenated =]
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (13 November 2008):
I think you need to talk to your husband about how you are feeling. I very much doubt it was what you thought.
Also I think you may have post natal depression.
Why not get one of your mum's round to take the baby for a day and just have a day to your self, shopping and being pampered, getting your hair done etc.
Give your self a boost. Your body has changed but that doesn't make you any less attractive.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): You just had his child. It's unfair of him to expect you to be back looking 100%. I think the media doesn't help with expectations like this, as they are always printing sh*t about "Actress so-and-so -- Body After Baby!" and all that crap. Yeah, and those women have personal trainers, dietitians, nannies, and cooks! It's completely unrealistic, so try not to feel pressure about this.
Talk to your husband about what he is doing and how it makes you feel. If time is a problem, ask him to watch the baby for an hour or two in the evenings so you can exercise. If you can, take a spa day or indulge in some pretty lingerie for yourself-if you look good, you will feel good and that confidence will help make you sexy in his eyes.
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