A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife said she loves me but is not IN love with me. She said I didn't pay attention to her just after I found out I have MS. Now shes talking to an old lover, but said they are "Just Friends". how should I feel? I had a bad time for about a year or so finding out about the MS. Should I feel jealous? This above was a question I asked before... Here's another part...Found out that my wife has a post office box just for letters from her "FRIEND". She tells me that it was part of the above and didn't want me to "BLOW UP" about it. She didn't tell me anything about it until I stumvled on the letters today with a post office box on them. How should I feel? I am willing to work to get back that "IN LOVE" feeling on her side, but don't want to be left out in the dark with this....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): Hi
Illness often pulls relationships apart,and involves more than one person!!!!!! which is understandable NO MATTER how supportive partners are of each other, such a lot of strain is put on BOTH partners. Roles change, dreams change, and individuals change.One has to live with the illness and the other has to live with the illness too. Attention has to change from one on one, to a third party ( THE ILLNESS). When we get engulfed by the roller coaster of emotions, we can loose site of the partners hand sometimes. It is vital that both try and remain intimate and supportive ( again this is both ways).
I hope you can both regain what was lost, it will be hard work but is possible. If the real reason is that she felt neglected ,which also can happen, maybe you shut her out and was not aware of it, maybe she was frightened of becoming your carer, fear of loosing you.... she too will possibly have been filled with so many scary emotions as you. I do not condone her letters to her friend, BUT maybe she needed support too. I was shut out once when a third party called CANCER appeared in my relationship, support and love & understanding was second to none from me, it was unquestionable. I could see the cancer pulling him father and father away, i could see how our lives changed instantly, how we had to live a certain way, how fun and romance and intimacy was also stolen, thank god our future wasnt. but i can say on the other side of the coin...FEAR engulfed me and ripped through me as it did him, i became his carer, i suddenly was not his woman and did not feel good myself. Support was not really there for me people never understood that illness effects more than one person, emotionally i was drained and living in uncertainty for a long time is a Fxxxxxxx nightmare...to think the love of your life is going to die, maybe this is why she had to go for some support herself. Try and pull her back to you i bet you have not lost her, understand her feelings too, and communicate could Start researching natural herbal remedies ...that you may find beneficial or even ask your woman if she will help.
A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (6 August 2008):
 My friend I feel for you. Your wife has betrayed you. Having this communication with her past lover in hiding is nothing but a betrayal, especially when you need her the most.
Remember that in the wedding vows part of the the ceremony is to support each other in sickness and in health. This is the first sacred commitment she has betrayed.
The second betrayal is in talking to this guy... I would not doubt it if they hadnt already slept with each other again. She is doing this because, selfishly, she cannot see being physical with you again in the condition you are in now. She is clearly out for herself, not commited to you or your marriage. There is no defense for her actions.
Is it time to cut her loose? That is the question. What did she say to defend herself. Does she intend to stop talking to him? Even if she promises you she won't, what is to stop her really from still seeing him behind your back. Nothing will stop her. She has proven she doesnt have a conscience about her actions. I doubt she even holds any guilt about it and will probably flaunt a relationship with this guy because you are in a seemingly helpless condition with MS.
But you are not helpless. You still have control of your future and happiness. Personally, I would leave her. I have been in the same situation you are in and it did not improve no matter how I tried to win her love back. I wasted too much sweat trying to salvage my marriage after my wife betrayed me... But the truth is this: as I have come to realize, the betrayal was her sin, and it was not mine to make up for...only she had the power to repair the marriage, and if she was not willing to make the effort on her part then nothing could save it. So as it turned out my wife didn't make any effort to repair things. I am divorced from her now.
I am also a happier man for it. I am circulating again, dating and doing fine. My ex is now suffering for her sins...her life is a total wreck. This I believe is karma. This is how God rights things. I am not happy for her misery, but she is in my past now, so I can't worry about her now.
I know this hurts, because I have never hurted so deeply as when my ex-wife betrayed me. Right now, you need to adjust your attitude and try to think your actions clearly.
Talk to your wife first and see how things stand. Then test her..make her come back to you. You have nothing to make up for. She is the one who betrayed you. Do not let her turn the arguement around and say it was your fault for not giving her enough love. Love is a 2way street. If She is giving her love and attention to another man... all your efforts are fruitless.
Listen to me carefully about this...it is NOT YOUR FAULT!
She did wrong. She is the one who has to make up for it.
If she doesn't or tries to throw it back to you...you are better off on your own.
I will pray for your health and well being, my friend. What this woman has done to you at this dark hour for you is so wrong. I think you can forgive her, just as I forgave my ex. But I also think it is time to think about yourself and leave her behind you.
I wish you well and happiness in your future.
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (5 August 2008):
 I'm sympathetic to your having MS. My mother has chronic progressive MS now for 18 years. I feel for you, and hope that soon they create a cure for this!!! She, too, had these types of issues with her husband one she found out. She made the mistake of staying with him and dealing with his dishonesty and lack of love and support. Now, she is paralized and the chances of her finding new love are far slimmer than if she had left her husband years ago. He treats her like an awful burden, is too embarassed to go anywhere with her because of her condition, mentally abuses her and it breaks my heart. She stays with him because she dosnt want to be alone. They don't even share a room together and he has relationships with other ladies through the internet, and in their condo complex. I always say "A person with nothing to hide hides nothing", and it seems to me that your wife has been hiding something from you. I can assume she dosnt want to hurt you because you are dealing with the stress of MS. If she is acting toward you this way now, it most likely will get worse later. And the future of MS is not what it is in the begining (unless we find a cure!) Please remember that stress is very bad for MS, as it has a direct effect on your nervous system. Time to think of YOU and what is best for your health right now. Your wife should be nothing but supportive and loving to you in this time of need, and from what you say, she is not being either of those. Feel free to send messages in my mail box, I happen to know a lot about MS and some of the different kinds of medications and therapies available and effective for it. Good luck, and I wish you the absolute best!
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