A
female
age
41-50,
*ellifiknow
writes:I really hope someone can help me.I have been married for 2 years.Been together 5.My first marrage.He has been married two times before me and I being his 3rd - all I got was the court house. I am 33 and he is 47. When we started seriously seeing each other I asked about his past sex life. I asked if he had been w/ alot of women and had alot of experiences and he said no. I should have known better.He is a wonderful man. Very supportive, sweet and nice. Treats me great and we hardly ever fight but we do have some good ones about once every 3 months or so. All and all it is a good relationship. I have no worries of him cheating, he is always on time, comes home after work -- all that great stuff. Here is the problem, or MY problem. We have alot of sex. We watch alot of porn together, we have toys and we have alot of fun. Two weeks ago we were out and I finally asked him for the truth about this rumor I heard about him. Rumor was this : He and his ex wife #2 got it on with a couple. This couple I do know and we have hung out together w/ them.We do not hang out with them anymore but NOT because of this. I asked him about it and played it off like I would not be upset and the past is the past. I thought I would not be upset but when he told me the truth about it, I was upset and I was discusted. The truth : Exwife #2 and my hubby were out w/ this couple drinking. Apparently his ex-wife#2 liked girls. So my hubby bet the other guy that ex-wife#2 would eat his girlfriends P***y. So they go back to my hubbys house he had then and ex-wife #2 yanked down the pants of the girl and started to eat her p***Y. Then, the guys get in on this but switch partners. So my hubby is screwing this girl and his friend is screwing his wife ( at that time wife ) He also went on to tell me that ex-wife #2 ate P***y all the time. ALSO - He DID try to bring me home a " girlfriend " and I was pissed. This was last year. So, he tells me this. And I was shocked. I can not stop thinking about it and considering the amount of porn we watch, I cant help but to think this is what he likes and I bet he wishes I would do this but I just can not share someone I love and I think he would share me and that really bothers me very bad. I have to say that had I known this, I would not have continued to see him. But now we are married and now I feel like I am not what he wants, espically if he brought home a girl for me to be with. I think about this alot. It really bothers me to the point .......... I think about a divorce. I feel deceived and discusted with him. He sees nothing wrong with it, and has talked like no biggie. I see a big problem.Can someone please help me with this ????????????? I hope I explained this good enough. Thanks :O( Also, I can only imagine what other stuff he has done that I just dont have any clue about.
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divorce, ex-wife, his ex, porn, sex life, threesome Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): Thanks babes for your response, you are totally correct, I was totally wrong, and therefore my first post should be ignored and throw in the trash where it belongs. Thank you for updating your situation, that was very kind of you, especially since my post my have offended you badly. For this I thank you, at least it has given me a chance to appologise to you.
I must admitt, we get a lot of posts, but your story sounded too fantastic to be believed. I didn't believe your story, but you had no answers, I wanted you to have some kind of response, and mine was definately wrong. I couldn't believe any man could treat a woman this way. You asked about his sexually history when you met, and for him suddenly to admitt to swinging and then try to fix you up with some girl... well I must admitt, I was shocked and couldn't believe that somebody could do such a thing.
If people want to get into swinging and foursomes, well that is ok for them in my book. But to deliberate hide something like this, and then to try to introduce it at a later date..... Well that is downright wrong. If he had done swinging in the past and left it behind, then there would be no problem. But to try to fix up some girl, knowing that you might object, strikes me as manipulative and I wonder what is going on in his head.
Trisha is perfectly right. Although he treats you well, to try to share you with others, well... he should have known what would happen. Then when he tries to brush it off... swinging is not a common sexual practice, surely he should at least realise that he may have offended you and sown doubt in your mind. Again, like Trisha says, your problems are big, and are in no way a little thing.
He's been married before, I wonder why his relationships failed? Marriage guidance is the answer. But I still wonder how your going to regain your trust. You and him have to be very clear about the boundaries you will set on your sexual life. I'm sorry you've had bad experiences in the past, so therefore you need to make every effort to make sure you won't be hurt again.
Again I apologise and thank you for your response. My only excuse is that we do get a lot of fantasy posts with people imagining themselves in a similar situation to you. Good luck, and always take care of you and put you first. Blessings.
A
female
reader, hellifiknow +, writes (6 August 2008):
hellifiknow is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDiovanLestat -
Nothing strange about it. Yes, of course I listened. I asked him about it.Why wouldnt I listen? Do you ask a question and then not listen to the answer or walk away. What would be the point.
Also - When posting the question it said to make it as clear as possible and so I explained it the way it happened in detail so I could get the best advice. Im not going to half ass tell it and then ask for help/advice. WTF
You couldnt be more wrong.
Sorry babes, but you are way off on this one. I dont swing that way and I dont share the man I love.
I will agree that communication is the key - but that stands true for ALL relationships.
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A
female
reader, hellifiknow +, writes (6 August 2008):
hellifiknow is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha-1
Thank you for your reply.You are correct, there are many things going on here.I have thought about divorce but I do not think I could ever actually do that. Marriage couseling I think is a great idea, and I have actually asked him about it. I was in a very nasty relationship for 15 years before my husband,So I know first hand a good vs bad man and he is a great guy to me and my son.
He is a good man w/ a very sexual past that I dont agree with nor do I care to ever " go there " but to think that was something he did and enjoyed bothers me.I guess I feel like I am keeping him from doing things he likes to do but I am not willing to share someone I love. It really does bother me but on the other hand I think - it was the past.
I would like to clear this part up ( not sure if it matters ) but he did not physically bring home a girl, but did try to introduce the thought to me.
Thanks for your answer.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 August 2008):
 You know, this question is really beyond an anonymous agony aunt's scope. There are some serious issues here, such as the multiple marriages, the distrust, the bringing a girl home, you contemplating divorce.
There's only one thing we can advise. Marriage counseling. I think that's your best shot of saving the marriage if you want to.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): Sorry babes, there is something strange about your post. You say your disgusted, but you listened to all the details of the orgy, enough to explain it in great detail here. I suggest you talk to your husband again. I have a strong feeling that your not disgusted by what he's done, but disgusted that his story has turned you on. Communication seems to be the key in this situation.
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