A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am a 56 year old man who has just found out that my wife of 36 years this year has been having an affair with one man for the past 4-5 years. I am absolutely devasted as one can imagine. My love for her is so strong that I rang her and asked her to come back after just two days of being apart. She came back and we talked or should I say I talked about reasons why she did it etc. etc. In the first week I am really having troubles with my sanity because although she is remorsful my distrust and disgust are consuming my every thought. I realise I am tormenting myself in visualising all the acts they were performing together and if a reconcilliation is to happen those thoughts have to go. The guy she had was a younger man with a young family so he had no intention of ever leaving his wife and setting up house together. My question is really about the hurt, does it get better in time, call me mad but I still love her and will to the last breath I take on this planet. There is much more to the whole sordid affair which I will explain to a physchiatrist over the next few months, (on recommendation from my local doctor) but the betrayal, the lies (I had feelings something wasn't right for a couple of years) the repulsion of them at my house in my bed in my lounge doing the most sacred act between a married man and his married wife. I really feel lost and terribly lonely. Please help.
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male
reader, lerokiya  +, writes (28 March 2010):
I found out my partner of many years has been cheating, I don't know how long as she is trying to rationalize it so she will feel less guilt (I left you, you just didnt' know it, you cheated on me first 17 years ago, you never loved me). We have chilren who are still young so that makes it harder to let go of her. I know the relationship she has won't last, cheaters, once caught, dont' have the same excitement as before because they are now realizing they are stuck with themselves, both cheaters who will never trust each other.
My kids remain with me as I try to pick up the pieces but I can tell you one thing, that whatever you decide to do, or both of you decide to do, that trust may take a very long time to come back, or in some cases it never will. good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): hmm...am so sorry about wat ur wife did. all i can u is find someone who u can relate to in ur situation, who has overcome that hurt an can guide u to gettin past that hurt. an sir, the only one that can truly help you get through this hurt is God. Seek Him. He's a friend that stickest closer than a brother. an He said cast all your cares upon Him for He careth for you.
Hope things work out for you!!!
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A
male
reader, unwind  +, writes (27 March 2010):
I think this is beyond what this site can offer in terms of providing help. I think you should seek professional help.
Perhaps you can work it out, but I think you need an experienced marriage counselor.
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