A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:6/13/08About a month ago, I found my ex on Myspace. I haven’t seen him in 7 years. We have a 7 year old daughter together, but he has not been in her life. She doesn’t know who he is. When we split up, I left him and asked him not to contact me or my daughter. I have been married for 5 and ½ yr to a wonderful man. He treats me well and my daughter and we also have a 4yr old son together. I have always loved my ex. I loved my husband when we married, but over the course of the last year, things have not been so good. We have tried marriage counseling and have been working on it, but honestly my heart just isn’t in it anymore. I have always been curious how my ex has been living for the past 7 years. So, I sent him an email and we started talking again. It’s almost weird how we just picked up and things just flowed. I know that he is the love of my life and I don’t want to hurt my husband. I also have children to think about. No matter what I do, my children stay with me. I don’t want to get to involved with my ex, but like I said, we do have a child together. He wants to be a part of her life and try to do what he feels is right by her and I. He said he still has feelings for me. HELP!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's not that I make the rules. I left that relationship with my ex because I didn't feel it was a safe environment for my newborn. He was a huge pot smoker at the time and I would rather have lost him than her. I have been working on my relationship with my husband, but you can only do so much. I would never take his kids away. He's a better father than husband, but a good person also. I'm not wanting to be in a relationship with the ex, although he will always have my heart. He's not good for me and when my daughter is old enough to understand why I left with her, I will tell her everything and let her make her choice.
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reader, eddie  +, writes (14 June 2008):
 The first paragraph says you're on a slippery slope. The second paragraph is the blah, blah, blah. The third paragraph is where you lie to yourself.
YOU may not be thrilled at home but you're pouring gasoline on a fire. You ARE mentally cheating now and it will get worse.
You say things have not been so god over the past year. What is the problem? Are you going to leave him now and tell him never to contact his son? IT seems you like to make the rules.
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (14 June 2008):
 Hey there. I must say, toward the end of your post, it sounded a little to me, like you were using your daughter as an excuse to connect with your ex. Thats all good and fine, but I'm sure he was your ex for a good valid reason, and you booted him from your daughters life for a good reason too (at least I hope). So, you want him back in her life now? Why? If it was in her best intrest, you wouldnt have taken her from him in the first place, right? So, now that we know it isnt because of your daughter, I have to ask, what is appealing about your ex now that wasnt 5 and a half years ago? People dont change, only their situations do. Are you attracted to him because your marriage is having troubles? I find it best to give it time before we get involved with another person, even if it is a ex we have kids with. If you have always loved your ex, why did you leave him, and deny your daughter the right to see her father? My advice is, REALLY think this through. This is a temptation that most likely will leave you miserable if you follow through. If you end up going for your ex, who's to say you wont start having feelings for you present husband again when you go through a rough patch? It wouldnt be fair for your kids, you know? I would definetly let my daughter connect with her dad (it is so important for a girl) unless he is abusive, a pedifile, or neglectful, in which case it would be in her best intrest to not know him. I dont think you should pursue these feelings for your ex. Try to remember why you split in the first place, and keep remembering. Dont let the lust muffle reality. Good luck.
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