A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now. A month before we started dating he had broken up with a girl he dated for 8 months. He had constantly told me what a horrible relationship they had and how she was mean to his daughter. At the beginning of our relationship she would call all the time and he would tell her not to. Finally he had to change his number. She then went on his email and changed his passwords and started emailing me saying he was cheating on me, which I clearly didn't believe since I seen how crazy she was and wanted him back... Recently he told me she called him and got back because she heard we are buying a house together... I emailed her asking her not to contact my boyfriend and at that point she had told me they had been talking and sleeping together. I didn't believe it, so I called rogers phone company and they told me her number had been called about 5 times a month for the past 4 months... Now he had lied and told me they weren't talking. I confronted him about the calls and he started to cry, telling me he so badly wanted to tell me they were talking but was afraid I would leave him. I asked him why they were talking and he said she called him and he felt bad for her so he told her they could speak as long as she didn't bring up her and him getting back together.... he told me she started to tell him she missed him and he had put a stop to them talking and told her not to call again. He said it was a few weeks later when she called yelling about how we were going to buy a house, and the reason he told me about it is because he knew how mad she was and that he knew she would try spreading lies to break us up... for example she said she was sleeping with him. Now my boyfriend goes to work for 7 and comes home at 3 he's with me all night since we live together. He promised me he would never speak with her again and he even cancelled his phone and came to my phone company on a couples plan and chose to get detailed billing so I could see all of the calls he makes so I can trust him again. I just feel so hurt that he felt he had to lie to me about it, and I can't help but wonder if he did cheat on me... I really can't see him doing that but I can't help but wonder... what do you think??? Do you think it seems like he cheated??? Do you think he will actually stop talking to her ???? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): Thank you I appreciate the answer. And I hope you are right, I truly cannot see him cheating on me, we have a fabulous relationship, we get along great never argue its almost perfect besides the fact he lied... But what bothered me most about wondering if he cheated was... She told me she was with my boyfriend the night before valentines day, I told her how I was with him and it wasnt true. She then told me she knew I was with him but not for the whole night, she even knew what we were watching on tv!! and also the colour of our blanket and bed frame.. I confronted my boyfriend about it and he said he has no clue how she would know that.. I asked him if perhaps it came up in a conversation on the phone and he said "why would I tell her what colour the bed sheets are? i wasnt even talking to her then" Which appears to be true, when Rogers wireless told me about her number being called, there were no calls in from december to April.I mean I cant see him doing this, expecially when he gave me a $1000 diamond necklace the next day... but I cant help but wonder how she knew... She does know some of his old friends, and lives close by I mean if she is crazy maybe she looked in our window... What does anyone think about this? How can she know without being there or talking to him... or do you think she was there?
A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (20 August 2007):
I cannot know for sure, but I don't think he cheated on you. You're probably letting the ex win the game if you think that, as she is trying to break you two up. She might not want him back, but might want to see him and her replacement -- you-- suffer. If he called five times in four months, that really isn't much. With her persistence, I doubt that he would be able to escape her trap if he saw her and cheated on you with her.
He might be a glutton for punishment, but I don't think so. Honestly, I'd probably call her back too and either say "Stop f***cking calling me!" or "What do I have to do to get you to leave us alone?" I'm hoping he did the same. I can see why he didn't tell you because you seem like you're paranoid or jealous. Please don't think I am judging you, as I am sure this insane ex is driving you to paranoia and jealousy. But that also means you are starting to let her win again.
It is true, he might have taken pity on her after seeing that she is a psycho that cannot move on and may be stuck in this rut for a while. That is sad if you think about it and he might feel guilty. However he shouldn't as it isn't his problem. I wonder if there is anything you can do legally to get her away? A restraining order or something?
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