A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hey all. I'm back from holiday with a rather dramatic turn of events, as usual. (I copied this from an update on another question. I just wanted a fresh point of view from the other aunts)On the 2nd day of my holiday, she text me, asking how I was and what the place was like and if I was having fun. I thought she was maybe testing to see if I'd stick to my word, so I ignored it.Then when I got home yesterday, she started talking to me on MSN. I questioned her about the 6 month thing, and she had no idea what I was talking about. Turns out, the message I sent her never actually sent!!! There must have been some kind of technical glitch or something, all I know is, the message wasn't amongst my sent items.So I explained things, and she didn't seem keen on the idea. She said that she'd really like us to stay friends, and doesn't see why we should have to take things as far as that. I tried to explain to her that until I stop wanting to be more than just her friend, then I don't think we're going to be able to. Soon after that, she had to leave the conversation cos her tea was ready.So, now I'm not sure what to do. I can either try and stay friends with her, or I can take a break from her (which she clearly doesn't want). Once again I feel like I'm in a situation where either way I'm screwed.I think I'm going to try to stay friends for now. It may be hard, but I've had a holiday and I feel a little more relaxed about the situation. I know I'm not gonna be able to handle staying her friend if she finds somebody new before I do. I don't know if that says something about the kind of person I am, but there you are.Unfortunately, I still think there is a part of me that hopes that somewhere down the road, we will be back together. This part of me really has to die, I think, but I don't want to extinguish it.What does everybody think?P.S. It's nice to be back here, and I look forward to hearing from everyone.P.S.S. I'm really gonna try and tone down the number of questions after this. It might help me move on, by not talking about my problems. I think this shows that I'm not that great at helping myself.
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a break, move on, msn, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (20 August 2007):
Hey Andy,
Flower girl makes a very very good point but being in a similar situation I know how hard it is to not think about making contact especially when they initiate it.
Now for a ramble, I've never really understood this 'stay friends' thing, of course you are going to stay friends, unless the relationship ended on bad terms why should'nt you be. I have friends, as i'm sure most people do, that I dont go out of my way to meet, but if I ever were to bump into them I would say hi and have a chit chat and carry on.
So i guess what i'm getting at is this, try not to contact her, at least not until you feel good about the situation . If that is too hard then keep the contact light and try not to talk about the relationship. If she is contacting you then I would imagine she is finding this very hard as well. In time I think you will feel the need to contact her less and less until you are happy with the way things are, however they turn out.
For me I would'nt want to extinguish the part of me that has feelings for this girl, you had good times together, plenty more are to come without a doubt one way or another, jus reserve a little bit in your mind for her so you can smile when you think about it. Dont ask me why thats just how i feel :P.
So i guess my overall advice would be to stay friends and keep the contact to a minimum if any at all.
take care
A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (19 August 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Oh, you prove a good point Flower Girl: I just meant all the usual aunts. By posting updates on my other page, I was only hearing from the same aunts, so I wanted to hear from people like yourself. That said, I really appreciate those who did continue to offer their advice on the other page, I'm not degrading you in any way.Anyway, more answers, please! :)
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (19 August 2007):
 Hi Andy,
I don't think it helps to move on not talking about things, because if you still need to talk and you don't then you will start bottling things up which is worse.
Noticed you wanted to get other peoples advice so sorry if you did not want to hear from me, but i picked up on something you said and that was that since you have had your holiday you feel a bit more relaxed about the situation.
Do you not think that is because you have kept your mind off it all doing other things, because as soon as you get back and hear from her again you are all over the place once again, especially with her telling you that she wants you to remain friends.
I think she has now put you back a couple of steps because you had decided not to do that.
Sorry for saying that but it's just what i think.
Take care.xx.
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