A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It started out with a drunken facebook hack. I was on the way back from a night out with my friend, and I used her phone to send a message to a guy she knows, telling him that I thought he was good-looking. He replied by asking her if she'd been fraped, and she explained it was me. He already knew of me, because we associate with a lot of the same people. I woke up the next morning to a friend request from him.We started talking via facebook then...I can't remember for the life of me if our conversations had always been flirtatious, or if they gradually turned that way, but after a few weeks of talking now and again on chat, he'd given me his number telling me to text him, since he rarely goes on facebook, and eventually started referring to me as his wifey. I went abroad for two weeks and when I got back, he said he'd missed talking to me. After that things started to get weird. We stopped talking so much, and whenever I tried to talk to him, he seemed uninterested in the conversation, and I felt like I was pestering, so I eventually stopped. Weeks would pass and he'd call asking me why I "don't have any time for [my] husband anymore". I would say that I felt like I'd been pestering him, instead saying I've just been a bit busy, or I'd just tell him to stop being silly, that I've been around, that I still have time for him. We'd then talk like normal for a couple of days, tops, before the pattern repeated itself. I've asked him why he keeps disappearing on me, and he says he's tired of always being the one to make the effort.This week I've had a big bust up with my room-mate, and I've asked her to leave. She came and took her stuff today, and I had a wobbly moment thinking I'd done the wrong thing, since we had been best friends since we were 16. I called him and asked if loving someone was enough reason to stay with them even if they treat/make you feel like shit. And he gave me a thoughtful answer, and after a few moments of silence, I sighed and said thanks. He said, "any time". Awkward pause. I was half expecting him to ask me what was up, but it never came. So I hung up.I would like to point out I've never hung out with this guy in person before, or ever really met him. I've just seen him once or twice in passing on the street before I knew who he was. When we first started talking he invited me a few times to come out with him, but every time I was either busy or too nervous to go, so I said no. And now I invite him places and he always makes an excuse, which a lot of the time, sound really, really fake. Oh, and he's never specifically said I'm attractive. He's said he likes talking to me, I'm funny, smart, all of that, and he's called me cute more times than I can remember, but he's never said he finds me good-looking. He's met my ex room-mate twice before though and after she'd said to him she thought he was attractive, he replied saying he thought the same about her. That was about 8 months ago now, though.I just feel like this guy is messing me around. Am I just being paranoid? What's he playing at?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (5 July 2013):
Hi there. Well at least you do talk sometimes, to each other, so that's something.
Don't worry too much that he hasn't told you that you are good looking.
That's not such a big deal really.
I would say that the reason he has turned you down when you ask him out somewhere, is because when he asked you out you had to say no to him.
And so that could be interpreted by him, as that you are not all that interested in him.
Even though you are the one asking him out now.
And because he is turning you down with what you consider to be really fake excuses, it might be a really wise idea for you to STOP asking him out.
Even as much as you would like to go out with him.
And don't mention it any more, because he will probably keep on saying no.
And so that doesn't help things at all.
Maybe you could say, that you would like to get to know him more than just talking on Facebook, or texting.
And suggest meeting up one day for a coffee at a local cafe, and see what he says to that.
It would be a great start, and especially as so far, you said you haven't actually met him face to face.
And so this could be a perfect opportunity to do that.
You won't get to really know him properly and in a more sincere way, UNTIL you actually meet up - face to face.
And the sooner you can make that happen, the better things will be.
Give it a go, what do you have to lose?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): Yeah, I'd agree this is confusing. I'd say he wouldn't have added you on Facebook after you sent that message from your friends account if he didn't think you were attractive.It sounds like you have friends in common. Is there a way you could set something up so you would both be there? That would make the situation less uncomfortable and would probably push things between the two of you one way or the other and you'd get some clarity.
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