A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a serious relationship with my boyfriend, we have been together for just over a year. It is a long distance relationship and I am due to move in with him in the next couple of weeks. I have recently started to feel like this is not what I truly want. I love the guy to bits and can't imagine my life without him, but there are certain things which just remind me of a previous relationship which went horribly wrong. I'm scared of risking everything by moving away from my home incase it happens again. Lately I don't feel I can talk to him as much as I used to in case I say something which annoys him. He doesn't like to take advice from me and when I try and offer it to him he accuses me of talking to him like an idiot and patronising him. I really don't mean to come across that way, all I want to do is help him. I just feel like nothing is going right for us. everything we seem to plan we end up cancelling and I can't help but see a bleak future for us both. Please help, am I being daft about all this and getting upset over nothing??
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2007): I don't think you are being "daft" - it is scary to move some distance and give up your independence plus who knows what else - job, friends, etc. A lot of people have dating patterns and you have seen some signs that make you think you could be repeating a pattern. If you feel afraid to say what you think or just express yourself as you naturally would to your friends with him - it is a real problem. You need to check this out and make sure it is a problem that can be solved, because that is no way to live the rest of your life. And I would not move in while you feel that way.
If you 2 really love each other a few months will not ruin the relationship and in that time you all can get serious about solving the issues between you - so that you are as comfortable as possible before giving up your independence and making such a major move. If you postpone the move pay attention to how he behaves. He will probably be upset, but he should support you and not want you to do this until you are comfortable - you are giving up more than he is. I hate to ask, but will it be helping him out financially for you to move in? That's how I got hooked 2 months ago - I had very cold feet about moving in, but he needed the extra rent money, so I did it - and I'm still walking on eggshells.
If it is just normal stress of making a major transition then you 2 will work this out and you will be able to make the move soon.
Good luck and listen to yourself, if you are scared stiff to move in you should probably wait.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (29 June 2007):
 You are NOT ready to move in with this guy. You are walking on egg shells with him, you shouldn't have to feel tense about what and what not to say to him. You should feel totally comfortable in his company, he should be upbuilding you, reassuring you and making you feel wanted and loved, not patronising you and calling you an idiot!
Is there no way he can move to be with you? I personally think you would be making a BIG mistake upping sticks to be with him just now. You'd be giving up your job, your home, your friends and your independence to move in with someone you're not even comfortable with. Tell him you feel things are moving too fast and you don't feel it's the right time to move. He should respect that and not put pressure on you until you're ready.
Eve
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A
female
reader, Beckto  +, writes (29 June 2007):
 Listen to yourself. There are no hard and fast rules. You're allowed to change your mind about moving in -- even a few weeks before. If you feel that you're not ready, for whatever reason, then don't. I almost did something similar, and I decided against moving in. I waited until I felt prepared, and it sounds like you should too. If your boyfriend doesn't understand that, then he may not be worth the effort. On the other hand, if he does understand your position, and can support it as best he can, then you may have something. But, take your time. Dating someone for a year really isn't that long. In addition to that, a long distance relationship makes a relationship grow in a different way than if you were in the same area. GO SLOW.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (29 June 2007):
 If you are feeling this way maybe you should hold off the moving in for a bit, you need to be secure in yourself before you start to live with someone, as it is a big step to take, try not to let past history put doubt in your head about the here and now or you will never be happy.
Take care.xx.
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