A
female
age
41-50,
*ay
writes:Good day all and may u all have a blessed xmas and prosperous new year :-) .Well i'm in need of TLC i just dumped my married boyfriend of 3 half years via sms .. thing is i went on his facebook and saw pics of his wedding day and of him and soon ex wife .. i'm torn inside did i make the right choice ? how do i pick up the pieces from here? Will i be strong enough ? when i told him we finished and what i saw on Facebook he said i'm being childish , do u think i was being childish? Please be honest , help me? and thank u .
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2009): I think staying away from MARRIED men would be a really good start.I personally beleive thats playing with "FIRE". All that emotional baggage would sink a ship.The fact that you are checking face book and monitoring his reactions tells me you are emotionally attached.The fact that you care is going to be a game to him.My prediction is more pain if you get back with him.Find something positive to focus on and he will become smaller and smaller in time.Might take months but will be worth it.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (19 December 2009):
 There are two schools of thought here. If a person, man or woman, cheats on a spouse that it automatically makes them childish and selfish.
Then the other side of the coin is they will tell you that their marriage was unhappy and they went looking.
Somewhere in between lies the truth.
The fact is that if you are seeing a married person, that person should have left the marriage before cheating, or has emotionally left the marriage before cheating.
That doesn't mean that they are being childish.
However, that said, if he did not make himself available for you, that is divorce sooner than now, then one could argue he didn't love either you or his wife.
Typically philanderers are looking to fill something missing in their marriage. That is they don't want a divorce, they just want their needs met. This is selfishness. And of course in order to get what they need, they will deceive themselves and the other man or woman. So the love is not real, or if it is, its only half-hearted.
On the other hand there can be true love in an affair. And its entirely possible. However, knowing the difference is tricky.
If the person is married and he or she makes significant sacrifices for their other person, that is other man or other woman; then its likely there is true love there. This would indicate a more difficult situation in obtaining a divorce.
Now as for the posting of the wedding pictures where you could see them, well he could've done that to hurt his wife too. In either event, philandering usually ends up being unfair to the other person and the spouse. Why? Because both are only receiving some of the loving attention they need, not all of it. So you were only getting enough love to keep you going -- being led on; and his wife was getting enough love to keep her from dumping him and taking the home or kids or whatever else he needs in his life.
Therefore, he needs to get a divorce if his marriage stinks. And if it doesn't and he was playing then he just used you and you should move on.
Be wary about getting involved with married people. They often times do not know what they want. And you may find out down the line, maybe after wasting years of your own life; that they never will know and just hurt you.
You've been burned. I sincerely hope you find peace with yourself and learn to love and trust again.
I will say this much. If he was so cavalier about cheating on his wife, had he married you later he would've probably cheated on you -- unless he was truly devoted to you.
From what you've said, it looks like he used you. Then again you know him better than anyone.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 December 2009):
Well done. He was only using you, and is clearly a selfish, self absorbed pathetic man. Find a better guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009): The fact is HE was being childish by dating you in the first place. I only mean this in the sense that he has a wife and if he's going to cheat on her, then he should have left her a long time ago. A man like that doesn't know what it's like to be truly committed to anyone but himself. You did the right thing in dumping him. Why be with a man who's not truly yours? Don't you think you deserve better? Every woman should think of herself as deserving the best, not someone else's property. Move on and find a man with less baggage who's attention is all on YOU. You're not being childish at all, you made the ADULT decision, he's the one who's being a child, don't let him make you second guess yourself. BE STRONG.
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