A
male
age
36-40,
*azo0821
writes:I have always had trust issues from my first serious high school relationship where the girl i dated left me only a month after moving away. We had been together for two years and it was the typical high school sweetheart relationship that last two years. After she broke up with me she started dating another guy almost immediately and it destroyed me. I spent several weeks trying to figure out what to do next and in the process starting talking to a friend of mine. We were attracted to one another and we were going to the same college together. We evetually started dating and I fell in love with her harder than i had with anoyone before but I was scared. I was afraid of being hurt again and when i found out she was thinking about going abroad I began to panic. The girl i had dated moved to ireland and forgot about me and i was afraid it would happen again. Instead of talkingto my girlfriend i became closer with two of my other friends who were girls and i ended up cheating on her with both of them. I wish I could remember what i was thinking at the time. all i can say now is that i hate myself for it. It happened over and over again almost everytime my girfriend would talk about her abroad program. I had never cheated before in my life and now I was cheating on the girl i was absolutely in love with with two other girls both of whom thought i was more than just a hookup to them. When my girlfriend finally went abroad i couldnt take it anymore and I told her i needed a break because i was afraid and for the most part she was ok with it but on of the girls i hooked up with thought that was her cue to step in and when i never committed to her everything came out. my girlfriend found out and because we were together for so long so did all of our mutual friends. Everyone stopped talking to me and i was so asshamed that i hid myself for a long time. When she finally came back a few months later and after alot of other bad things not regarding us happened i saw her and we clicked again right away. Since then weve spent almost everyday together talking and we have become intimate again but she gets angry alot and is unwilling to commit. Im not pushing for to her commit to me again right away but i dont know what to think anymore. It took me so long to ralize i didnt have to be afraid and i tell her constantlty how much i love and care about her despite all the wrong that i have done. We recently had an arguement though and even though things were going very well for us they seem to have taken a big step back and now i feel as though i have lost her for good.I know most people wouldnt want to associate with a person like me and i know everyone looks down upon a cheater and there is no good reason for doing it. Im not even sure what question i am looking to ask rightnow. Im just nervous i guess. I know im putting myself out there and that there is a good chance that i will be rejected and im ready to deal with that but it hurts so much and i cant even imagine how hard it is for her. But the truth is i love her with my entire heart and i am willing to do what ever it takes to show her that. there isnt a single thing she could sk me to do that i wouldnt. I just dontknow what to do next. I realize thisis a long post and i apologize for it but I have never really told anyone aside from my ex girlfriend my side of everything that happened. I just dont know what to do next or what the next step is. i apologize again for the long post.
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male
reader, Tazo0821 +, writes (19 February 2009):
Tazo0821 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I have been trying really hard to show her how i feel. I mean i could list all the things ive done but i dont want it to sound like im keeping count. the fact of the matter is that I want to be doing all these things regardless of everything. I want to be there and i have been as much as i possibly can.
A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (19 February 2009):
 I never approve of cheating but i know how it feals to be left by the one you really loved and replaced very fast it really hurt and made me very untrustworthy of any female that had interest in me for a long time and lost a couple friends due to the related mood swings.
I was just so upset that i would break into tears spontaneously when something reminded me of the situation. But now that you have destroyed her trust of you by cheating there is no easy way around it you are going to have to earn it back by not doing anything like that again ever until she accepts you and you are going to have to really make her feel like your sorry. If your just saying and not showing emotion its likely to effect how she responds. Im guessing you are but i dont really know from the post.
Good luck my friend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): Well you really havent considered long distance relationships and if that doesnt work out try e-harmony and look for someone with a willingness to follow you or long distance relationship.
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