A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just don't know how to move on from a relationship with a married woman that was all lust (for her). Before I carry on I know I was in the wrong but I will not make excuses for why I did it, but I had a relationship with a married woman who at the time had a baby and now has had another with her husband. It started as an online relationship that went from playing a online mmo together with for 3 years to long conversations about anything and everything for hours and hours each night and then the opportunity came to meet up for a fun night out that then was decided before hand to go no strings attached fun. I am 30 haven't had much success with a relationships in my life, as im not an asthectic looking person but all the females I know like me as a person and this is the second time when I have known a woman for years only to like me for who I am which isn't much except an honest hardworking man who hasn't had the best hand dealt with life. So I traveled down south to meet with this friend and had an absolute weekend, we were a romance movie couple, went the cinema, walk in the park, a great meal and conversation and then the do not disturb sign was on the door for the next 24 hours. I was so happy, I was and still am in love with her and it is so wrong she seemed to care for me and it felt special but I think I was used. Since that day she has really kept her distance (its been 14 months)and since has had another child with her husband. I still msg her when shes online to see how she is and how are her children, Im not a bunny boiler but I really do love her and since have not been able to go a day without thinking about her. I have tried finding someone else very hard, no woman gives me a chance to prove myself, single nights, online dating, quick college courses all end up the same and I am starting to feel really down about it all. I just want to find someone and be with them and have some connection (or are all relationships really hard work to make things work and have I been lucky to make what ones I had laugh with me and have fun with me without trying?). Im on a diet, trying to get fit (broke my knee 3 years ago and put on a bit of weight) and learning to drive (always worked in the city so never needed a car)to try and help my cause but these are superficial things to me but do they count? I don't know how to move forward now and wondering if I should just keep with work and lonely nights playing games and watching TV.
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male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Lets start from the top. The reason she backed away, and I think you know this, is was you were getting too close for her comfort - she may feel something for you, in fact, I think she feels at least the germ of a connection but thats not enough because of where she is. If she can feel this with another person, id argue her marriage is basically sunk but then again its not mine or your place to tell her that or impose that on her. In her regard, she may bury this for a while but I think the ball is now rolling on a chain of events which lead to the place shes trying desperately to avoid. Whatever else she has with her husband she does have his loyalty and a support network and shes thinking of her kids as well in this, your a leap into the unknown which she may have been willing to take herself but I can see her angle that its reckless to risk the kids as well.
Which is all not much help to you I know because this is what is making it so hard to move on - being close yet so far. This one wasnt meant to be and was perhaps, yes inevitable in the short term, given the situation. Im not sure shes the right person for you in any case. She may have felt that way and probably still does but thats the point - if we didnt feel that way we wouldnt respond the way we do and we wouldnt take what we need from things. Having said all that, I think your in serious danger of dwelling too much on this and that will lead you nowhere pleasant.
Your looking for something. I know how that feels. However, on some issues looking does no good. My advice would be to carry on with the 'superficial' things - they will never be quite enough, healing totally will simply take time, but they will take the edge off of this. In the meantime also surround yourself with friends and family, they will help you heal as well. Good luck.
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