A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 23 and have been with my fiance for 2 years in the beginning of our relationship he cheated on me 2 times and just last week I found out he met some girl in San Francisco when he was away on business. He swears up and down that they just spoke 3 times and it was nothing like to hook up or anything but I dont trust him. I also just found out I was pregnant yesterday.I know its not a sex issue what we have because we have sex like 2-3 times a day and we don't argue hardly ever so I just don't understand what's going on. When I found out about this woman I left my house and stayed at a friends house for a week to think things over.He called every day crying and begging for me to come home, that it was nothing serious and that he has not spoken to her while being here back in town which has been almost 2 months but I just don't believe him because why would he give this chick his telephone number and speak to her 3 times on the phone? There has to be some type of intrest there right? So please maybe I just wanna hear something diffrent than what my gut feeling is telling me...help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): He will always philander it sounds like to me.
A
female
reader, Butterflyfly  +, writes (19 July 2007):
 Frank I think you;re right!You girl.. go with your gut instincts trust me! Gut instincts are bad when you're being defensive but I don;t think you're being defensive I think you know deep inside he isn't playing a fair game with you, so to speak.Others might think these opinions are extreme... But then why there are out there decent guys and gals who don't give this head ache to their partners at all? You need a decent one, not one to keep you on your toes like this........I must cool off now.Hope you'll be alright, I empathise endlessly with you.
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A
female
reader, LISAG +, writes (19 July 2007):
 You might not want to trust your gut instincts - but they are there for a reason. You say you don't trust him - that feeling is there for a reason also.
He cheated on you at the start, he knows he can get away with it with you, so what's to stop him doing it again ?
When someone cheats and you allow them back, all you are doing is paving the way for more dis-respect. He knows the first time it's a pain as you're very upset, he feels guilty, things are difficult for a while and then things settle down again. He gets you feeling comfortable again and then next time he'll be more careful of getting caught out because of all the drama etc etc..
I think one affair in a marriage can possibly be forgiven but continued cheating is not on. Men can be addicted to sex, the thrill of affairs and some just never ever can commit to just one woman. Sad but true, and if you read about human biological programming (men wise) it points towards the fact that men in general can't help themselves wanting numerous sexual partners. Obviously many men have a strong moral awareness which prevents them from this type of behaviour, but many men unconciously just act on their sexual drives without conscious thought of the consequences.
Maybe news of the pregnancy may make him feel ready to settle, but in my experience an un-planned child just makes a man feel trapped and a bit helpless in the whole situation - it can worsen things! I hope in your case it does not, whatever you decide to do about the baby. At the end of the day it's the baby you have to think about and whether or not the father is going to stick around - vitally important for a child!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (19 July 2007):
 There was no reason for him to just want to talk to this girl, unless he was looking for something more, like setting up a romp for his next trip.
Are you sure you even want to have his kids? Really?
-Frank B Kermit
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