A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My good friend of 4 years moved up to my city about a month ago. Up until then I saw her every few months for weekends as she lived in other towns with her now soon to be ex husband.A gorgeous guy I had been on a few dates with suddenly stopped returning my calls or texting me even though things were going brilliantly. Turning to my mate for guidance I suggested she call him as a concerned friend (she'd met him too when we first clicked) to find out what was going on, and for an explanation or to sort things oug. All the while he was on speaker so I could hear him say the crappy excuse "well it was getting serious blah blah blah...".After that I went home.Between that phone call and the next morning, the guy had rang my friend back at night, gone round to her house and stayed there drinking without me knowing. The next morning I came back to my friend's house as I'd forgotten something. My friend wasn't expecting me.I rang her first but she didn't answer although she was home, so I knocked on the door, she answered, fully clothed and I asked her if she'd seen a pair of jeans. She just said no, maybe they're upstairs. I went upstairs, walked into her room to find the guy fully clothed in her bed! Granted, it's the only bed in the house but when I challenged her about whether she'd had sex with him, she accused me of being ridiculous and asked me to leave if I didn't calm down. Her argument was that he'd come round to discuss me and that he'd spent the night drunk, trying it on with her but she ordered him to either go to bed and sleep or she'd order a taxi. She even said that she'd pee'd in a glass in the kitchen because she was scared to go upstairs and wake him in case he tried it on with her again.When I told her it was out of order to have him around and not tell me she accused me of being ungrateful and that I should have thanked her for trying to help me. Since then I've fallen out because a lot of friends have said she's lying and untrustworthy but I don't know. I've ignored her calls and texts, she's not apologised or thought she was doing anything wrong by inviting him round - she even shook hands with him and suggested us all meeting up for drinks, even though earlier she thought he'd treated me appallingly by having sex with me then just dropping me.Am I being oversensitive or am I doing the right thing ending the friendship? I wouldn't have treated her this way......Confused and Humiliated
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): There are many reasons to be suspiscious of both parties and I'm afraid I think you will trust neither of them again now. I would avoid your 'friend' because if my mates bloke (ex or not) landed on my doorstep I would call her straight away and then get the bloke a taxi. Many flings have started from the old 'shoulder to cry on' routine. She has been disloyal to you in some ways but may well have not slept with him. Trouble is... its all way to messy now. He sounds very immature and she sounds a little too self assured and manipulative. I'd save yourself a repeat performance and build a good set of friends around you that you can be yourself with, without all this baggage.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): No, you're not being overly sensitive. Especially because other people have told you "do not involve yourself with her, she can't be trusted" It must be true. And the way she reacted towards you, and then suggesting you all get together proves she's a mind-game playing, deceitful person. Don't waste any more of your time on this woman. Keep ignoring her calls and texts until she finally gives up. I wouldn't tell her why you've been avoiding her as you don't want to give her anymore satisfaction that she's upset you. You're better off without a "friend" like that. I am in the same boat as you in a way, email me if you want to chat about things. Take care.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (19 July 2007):
 The first lesson for you here is that you should not involve your friends in any of your personal matters. You invited her into this. You being there listening to a private conversation was a deciet. Your deception begets more deception.
Next, as a man, I can tell you that if I get a call from a woman that is friends with an ex of mine, I assume it is becuase she wants to hook up, otherwise there is no reason to call me. The fact that she did not turn him away, nor tell you about it proves that on some level she WAS into him. There was no reason for her to call him (she met him only twice???) unless she was up for a fling. That is how men think, as those of us that know women, have already experienced the "female friends wanting to mark her female friends territory" games.
You are right to end the friendship, but understand, you played a role in getting them together.
-Frank B Kermit
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