A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:'human'Hi can anyone help. I have been married let me thinkour eldest son is 33, we met at least 5 years before that. he used to take the first step and make love to me and used to be kind with conversation. but over the last 10 years I SAY 10 i'v lost count. he will not take any form of encounter of love making or cuddles. says he has never been what he calls been demonstatif and is very sorry but that is how I am he tells me. after much trying and asking he will not make love. now after my having to accept that way of life, he is now speaking to me very unkindly in conversations,daily or when he needs to talk, or somtimes dissmissing conversation altogether,never waits for my questions or ans to end.just jumps in on what he has to say with rude dismisal. No he dose not oftern go out on his own or do disapering acts, or spend money un know to me just sleeps most nights or sits watching tv, or go's to golf yes I'v tryed to join him in golf but he tells me thats his mens club. . how can I put a stop to this manner in our marrage. No I dont want a divorce or seperation. belive me I have asked him kindly, unkindly, you name it I'V asked or tryed, can you help or advice me. sometimes I get so up set, we all need a cuddle or words of reasurancs now or againyes I have said that to him as well. ? please help.I wouldnt be asking unless I was at my witts end, and yes thats what I'm at. no I have no parents alive to ask or confide in.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): It is mostly ok.men are like that only.. belive me.. heis with you any way. when ever there is need you will find him with youdo not worry much about his sports and TV, GOLF etc etc
A
female
reader, samismiles +, writes (27 April 2010):
I wish I could write a better answer to this but with your question involving marriage, of a long period I suspect your best taking steps of seeing a counsellor, to try and establish whether or not you're completely happy in this relationship and if not, what is to be done about it. Some people simply get less "in 20" sex with age because it becomes less about that and more about the cuddles and real love, however the nasty conversations and unwillingness to communicate is very unnatural and is obviously making you very unhappy, if you're wanting to stay in this relationship there has to be some sort of compromise otherwise you're staying with someone who gives you no interaction, a marriage needs interaction, it needs reassurance every once in a while and it certainly needs cuddles! Everyone needs cuddles. For the time being I would suggest finding hobbies of your own, be it sport or art, music or dancing, something that is just yours that you can enjoy yourself and not need the acceptance of your husband to make you feel valued. Once you have done this you'll probably start to see yourself as more of an individual and then you may find a way of getting yourself and your husband to some therapy sessions, where you can discuss your regrets about his behaviour but also listen to his reasoning behind his loss of affection within the marriage, the outside help may make you feel like you have more of a "voice" in the matter and could help you reach a conclusion one way or the other about what to do. Remember though that this is nothing to do with you as a person, his actions have no reflection upon yourself, it seems that he understands that this is his problem but is unwilling to do anything about it other than what he sees as suiting him. Marriages are about two people not one, its a commitment to being part of a lifelong team, try reminding him that politely. I'm sorry I cant help more, I'm quite young and have a boyfriend but marriage is a long way off for me at the moment. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (27 April 2010):
 Your husband has become "disengaged" in your relationship. Many people fall out of love, lose interest or drift apart from their mates, but are afraid to divorce because of religious or financial reasons. You should suggest couples counseling or seek a divorce. It's his choice. You cannot continue in this manner, it is empty and unloving. I do wonder though, if he was like this before you got married? If so maybe you should have paid more attention to the obvious signs that he might not be a good match for you. If he wasn't like this earlier, then something changed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): As soon as you keep yourself busy with girlfriends, activities, exercising, whatever he'll take notice of you more. Also, when you doll yourself up just to go shopping to the grocery store or doing everyday errands, he'll notice and wonder what YOU'RE up to! I go through the same thing as you sometimes, and when I stop paying so much attention to him and start doing my own thing he changes his attitude to affection instead of rejection.
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