A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last weekend when my boyfriend and I were having sex we were talking and joking, and out of the blue I asked him 'for how long have you been gay" and he lost the erection instantly. We usually have no problem in this area.Also that weekend I saw a magazine in his closet, with couples having sex, showing men and women body parts. Is that typical for heterosexual men? He flirts with women all the time. I can't help but wonder why he lost it all of a sudden. Any help here? Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): honestly, youprobably just put him off. most men watch heterosexual porn, the fact that he lost his erection when mentioning 'gay' impies that 'gay' doesnt arouse him! maybe you shouldnt mention that again! plus hes having sex with you (a girl) and you said he has no problems getting erect normally, so again implies not gay! dont worry about it!
A
male
reader, g247  +, writes (12 March 2008):
Porn generally does tend to have both genders in it. I'm a completely heterosexual male but I'd almost sooner watch porn with both genders because it's easier for a man to imagine himself being the man in the magazine, movie etc. I wouldn't read too deeply into that.
Perhaps he's been having doubts about his sexuality. It happens and is hardly an abnormal thing, nor does it mean he's even remotely gay or even bi.
Or perhaps he felt that you were doubting his manhood. While having sex, I can see how going down would be a natural thing. Just like women need to feel beautiful and loved to enjoy good sex, men need to feel confident and in control (of course I say that in a generalised sense).
I know you were joking but it was quite an insensitive remark all the same. Nothing unforgivable by any means, but I can see why the guy went down. He probably felt that behind that joke was a serious question, and your worries would prove him right if he did feel that way.
Talk it out with him. Apologise for calling him gay and explain it was a joke. Unless you've firm proof that he's possibly gay (and from what you've said I see no signs as to why he could be), I wouldn't confront him with your suspicions. But at least have an open chat about the incident in question with him and resolve any issues.
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A
male
reader, Bronze +, writes (12 March 2008):
Well, asking a man during sex if he's gay hits pretty hard and is pretty much a turn-off. Kind of like if he were to say another woman's name other than yours during sex.
You may want to apologize to him, if you havn't already, and explain that you didn't mean anything by your comment. Yes, it may have been just a joke, but sometimes a joke can go a little too far. Us guys do have feelings, too.
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A
female
reader, josien  +, writes (12 March 2008):
i think he did not like the refrence you made to him.
he might have been gay and because he got you he gave up.
making him rember the past might have hurt him so much and
because he might have thoght he had left the past behind but suprisingly the past is by his side all the time.
talk to him and see why he took this too personal.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 Just because he looks at porn, does not mean he is gay. Perhaps it just hurt his feelings a bit, and put him off. Men dont like to be refered to as Gay. Unless they are Gay of course.
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