A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Where to start...My father had a heart attack nearly a year ago, as he was living on his own I demanded he moved in with me, my partner and our young daughter, until he made a complete recovery.He moved in, retired from his job, moved out his rented house, and set up home with me, which at the time I was happy to support him through his difficulties.Along with his belongings he brought his computer, which broke down, so now he has only access to my computer....recently I've discovered files attached to my computer hidden away in files which make me feel phsical ill. Unfortunatly just by looking at the titles child pornography.I just don't know how to deal with it, I know I should ring the police, but he has nowhere to go and I havent mentioned to my partner about my discovery.What should be my next steps...I just dont know who to turn to, as my heart is completely shattered after discovering this.Please help x
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male
reader, Vulpes +, writes (14 May 2008):
er, how do you know it's **his?** Are he and you the only ones with access to this computer?..... I think you SHOULD report what you've found, but why is it bound to be your Dad...? I know its not nice to think the unthinkable (which is why abuse is often apparently tolerated in families). You don't say if your husband or anyone else can also access this computer. Be careful before you start pointing fingers...
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (6 May 2008):
 First off, be sure they files in question are indeed real media files and not just names.
P2P (file sharing) applications often contain fake files and this includes child porn. Just a bunch of file names isn't proof.
If they are child porn your only option is really to inform the police. This is a serious crime and he is using YOUR computer and YOUR internet connection for it. England is actively hunting people who deal in child porn and you really don't want them to come to your door, do you?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 May 2008):
 I agree with happytochat's post. Talk to your husband about it and come to a mutual decision .
It would be much better if your dad stays alone and not with you.
I don't think you should call the police and send him to jail.How can you do that to your own dad.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): You could have a serious problem on your hands. But first, lets not be irrational in handling this, but time is of the essence.
Recall to your childhood, did he do anything inappropriate in a sexual way to you or a sibling? If yes, then you need to call authorities now! If not, then please read on.
You and your husband need to be aware of your children and fathers whereabouts at all times to protect your family, if you need to set alarms on your children’s door then do so.
In no particular order from an amateur’s (me) point of view, you need to talk with your dad and find out more about how important these pictures are to him. No matter his answers, you should consult with his doctor for evaluation and treatment.
If all he has is an illness, it would be unfair to him to make him a criminal.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): As the parent of 2 little girls, if I had found that I would have been on the phone reporting him in a flash - it would not have mattered who he was or what I thought I knew,it would be about the safety of my girls. You need to report him and get him out of your house. Bottom line.
How can you possibly sleep at night with the thought that he might sneak into your daughters room in the back of your head? Or that he might think differently about your daughter than he should? For your own sanity and your daughters safety, you must put her first. Harsh as it is, your dads not your problem....what you have seen is enough right? Imagine the content on his own broken down computer! Imagine what your partner would have to say if anything ever happened and he found out you knew your daugher was at risk? x
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A
female
reader, lovelee  +, writes (5 May 2008):
Dear Friend,
Have you heard the term REG FLAG? Also did you know that Victims of incest are more likely to put their children into sexually risky situations ie. the living situation you described. They somehow are able to rationalze inappropriate behavior because to them it is normal.
My mothers dad sexually abused her and her 5 sisters. My mom didn't remember any of the abuse until she reached her 30's and she had flashbacks and started talking to my sisters.
I always thought my grandpa was a terrible man, even before hearing about the abuse. My mother on the other hand always loved him and helped him. She even invited him to live with us when I was a young girl!
You as a young mom do not need to be rescueing your perverted father! PLEASE PLEASE keep him away from your little girl.
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (5 May 2008):
 Oh dear. I'm so sorry for you. What a dilemma. What a conflict must be going on in your head and your heart. But in this situation, try to get your heart out of the way and stop and look at the facts:-
1. You have a little girl. For someone watching child pornography that immediately spells a threat. If he weren't your father what would you do?
2. It's illegal, against the law to watch this stuff. He's not going to change. He may tell you he won't do it again but he will.
3. He will think because you are his daughter your heart will rule your head and you won't turn him in, and he may try to use that to blackmail you emotionally.
4. Your husband MUST know immediately. There is real danger here and you need his support.
If you are so worried - and I know you are - ring the police and speak to them. You don't have to say who you are for the time being, but they can advise you what to do. Trust me when the dooda hits the fan - and it will - for the sake of your daughter it has to, you will be doing him a great favour. You may just have stopped him from going on and doing something he will regret. At the least you can walk away knowing you have protected your child. How will you feel in years to come if you never did that and she got harmed in some way? She is too young to know the danger she is in - but you're not - and as her mother it is your duty to protect her. So sorry you have this to deal with, but you will deal with it. We are all strong when we have to be. God Bless you darling. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (5 May 2008):
I understand this must be a very very hard situation for you to be in. BUT you are a mother and it is your number one priority to protect your child. You have to put her interests above anyone elses, including your fathers. I dont think its safe for him to be around your child so you must find somewhere else for him to say.
You also should tell your partner, as I assume he is your daughters father so he needs to know what is going on as well. And him being your PARTNER you should be going through this bad situation with him, he will be able to support you. So have a talk to him and together find a way to deal with this.
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