A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello there. I'm afraid I'm one of those rotters who has children, is not married and asked another married woman at work out on a date via e-mail (having sought permission first). I thought I was getting signs of encouragement. Oh dear - I appear to have misinterpretted her overly-friendliness. Anyway, after the 'rejection' she refuses to look at me and completely blanks me in the corridor. Fearing a human resources back-lash I've naturally left her well alone. My question is, why do some women reject by COMPLETELY shutting down on you? Is this not a little bit rude? Is this some sort of test? I was hoping she would be flattered of course. I suspect that we will never really talk again. Most women (and men?) will cast me as the fool/idiot/selfish/self-absorbed/inconsiderate b*stard in all of this. However, I only popped the question since the flirting was hurting and after 3 years of being subjected to her charms/beauty/personality I had developed very strong feelings for her. I am in considerable pain and appear to be in a no win situation. She has been blanking me since Xmas. In the meantime I have found out that she has actually been seeing a guy from work for about a year and is currently going through divorce. They say that love is blind. I appear to be living in a world of blackness and gloom and I can't see a way out of this. Should I leave the company or is this the action of a loser? Your thoughts appreciated. Many thanks. P.S. Deep down I'm absolutely gutted that she has frozen me out completely. Another killer is that her man is higher up in the organisation than me and I am slightly better looking! She must be in love with him then and for sure won't dump him for me. My children are beautiful and are turning out fine but my lady back home (10 years her senior) has during the past 3 years become an abusive alcoholic. Not a good situation! I obviously don't earn enough to keep her happy, hence the resentment and hence how the other woman tip-toed into my heart.........but to date: not my pants.
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alcoholic, at work, divorce, flirt, married woman Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): what on earth made you think she would be flattered??!! i'm a woman in my 40's who lives with a man i love & if anything, frankly, i get irritated by men at work who pay me too much attention, especially if they themselves have a partner??!! i also get irritated when young guys try to hard to chase me for a 'milf/yummy mummy' or whataver the call it, sh*g! just be professional at work, focus on your own relationship & forget about this woman - she clearly has other things/people on her mind! don't take it personally or anything - just forget it! i have to say you sound as though you are being slightly ridiculous - go home to your lady & treat her how she deserves to be treated! maybe she drinks because she is unhappy - so try and help her! stop looking at women at work who aren't even remotely interested in her - a famous film director recently said something along the lines of 'a sign of maturity and intelligence is learning to like/love what we already have' (as opposed to always sniffing around thinking the grass is greener ..... sometimes there's quicksand over the other side - you just can't see it til you get there and by which time it is too late' - if your marriage really is over, save everyone the misery and either get a divorce, plan for a divorce (if you are worried about the children) and have an offical agreement in place where you both see other people - i'm sorry but this woman probably sees you as just (yet another!! *sigh*) spoken for guy who wants a quick fumble...........not flattering at all! if she wanted to have an affair with you she would have done so! i hope you feel happier and come to your senses and put your energies into the right things/people etc .. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): This poor misguided individual may have a point in relation to 'money'. Where I work, the higher up the organisation the man is the more relaxed and approachable he seems to be - relatively speaking. They are certainly more confident when in conversation with men who are lower in rank and this possibly may make them more attractive to SOME women. Oh - and leave married women alone! Silly boy!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): ...I was joking about the pants thing!
Thanks for your comments one and all! I was looking for honesty rather than sympathy - hence my rather inflammatory approach to this blog. I think I received your honesty in spades! Much appreciated. You never stop learning! Griim - you sound like a nice young lad - fancy a date? I've given up on women! I went to an all boys school by the way - can't you tell? LOL :o)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): There's not much you can do in that situation but accept the rejection, but I cerainly wouldn't cowar at work or quit because of her or her mate at work. She sounds like a real dick wad if you ask me, so don't get to excited about her. There's always a better one out there, trust me.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love  +, writes (3 March 2010):
Are you an idiot dude? Let's see here. Flirting with a girl at work strike one. Trying to move in on a married woman strike two. You got one more left. Leave her and all married women alone. When she is married her seeming friendliness is NOT YOUR CUE TO MAKE A MOVE. Have some damn moral for christ sake people. Aren't there enough single availiable women out there. Leave her alone.
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A
male
reader, Griim +, writes (3 March 2010):
 Sigh, oh dear. Although not usually one to judge, I'm afraid I don't think I like you very much. Let me apologise if what I write comes across as a bit harsh - but I think sometimes it's good to hear somebody else's opinion of oneself, and never one more advantageous than somebody who doesn't like you.
You seem to be after some sympathy for being hurt by this woman. I can't give you that. You were hurt by her actions but there is nothing you can do about it, she doesn't fancy you and you've got a bruised ego - something you seem to care quite a lot about. I'll elaborate later.
You state that you were thinking of walking away from work but don't want to look like a "loser". Why would that make you a loser? You think not enduring emotional pain makes you a loser? It certainly does not.
You then mention being puzzled as to why she likes this man - he's not even as good looking as you are! It MUST be his salary, right? To be honest I'm amazed somebody can write that and believe it, really? Are you serious? Maybe he is just really nice to her and doesn't accuse her of fancying other men because they earn more than he does? Maybe he helps orphans in his spare time because he's not too busy looking in the mirror? You care about this lady and yet you just insulted her in your letter by accusing her of being a gold digger! Then you state that she hasn't been in your pants "yet" as if it still might very well happen, because you're so irresistible right? You insult your ex-wife too "I don't earn enough to keep her happy." Here is a quote I like, in the words of Tyler Durden;
"You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your f'ing mirror image."
(Alright I edited it a bit to make it more suitable).
Your boss isn't better than you because he earns a better salary. You're not better than him because you are better looking than him. Your kids are not fine because they are pretty (not said but implied). Are your kids really ok? Talk to the and find out. Do you ever help other people? Try it, I think it will help you.
To conclude, WAKE THE HELL UP MAN! Think about your actions and their effects on other people. You are far far too concerned about meaningless bullshit to see what is really going on in your life. Other people will have no trouble out-classing you around the ladies with your current attitude, and that's what life's all about right? HAHA, yeah, irony.
Live and learn.
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