A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I'v been married to my husband for 15 yrs. Of those 15yrs we have had very few arguments. I thought that we had a good and happy marriage. Our sex has always been strong until a few yrs ago it started to get stale. I had befriended a woman 10 yrs ago,My husband and I would talk about her during our love making, It escalated to the point that I encouraged him to start seeing her.He would see her on and off,nothing serious and in turn we would discuss what happened during sex which hightened our sex play that much more. She then fell in love with another man and married him.They were married for 4 years during that time my husband didn't have any relations with her. Since her divorce I encouraged him to see her again hoping to regain our sexual appetite.I recently found out that he is in love with her and unhappy in our marriage.I know that I opened the door for him and regret every minute.He has pointed out my faults and tells me that I need to change my nagging and bitchy ways.He also tells me that he loves me but he can't take it much more if it doesn't change.I am terrified of the outcome and want to save what we have. where do I start?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): I saw a lot of comments about bad decisions, and not setting limits, but it seems the cows are already out of the barn. A little late to shut the gate now. This is a tricky one, but not hopeless. Do you really want him? If you are naggy and bitchy, will you change? Don't forget he fell in love with you first, and obviously there are some good memories and some good history there to remind him of. If you want to win him back, play to win. Be better than her. If you all three are compatible, then perhaps the threesome concept that was suggested could work. (Just make sure she get her third of the chores too.)
A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (11 August 2010):
 Your husband fails to realize that your friend seems perfect because she doesn't have to put up with his ass. She never has to wash his laundry or go go over household expenses with him or put up with annoying in-laws. She requires nothing of him except that he fuck her. If he were with her and going through the hassles of day-to-day life, does he honestly think she would never bitch or nag him? Puh-leeze! I don't think you need to worry too much about this woman; she doesn't want your husband and if he showed up on her doorstep with his bags she would probably point him in the direction of the nearest motel. In other words, he ain't going nowhere.
This other woman is not a threat. The fact that you and your husband can't communicate is the problem here.
There are probably situations where you have something to tell him and he's not listening, so you keep saying the same things over and over until he does. Marital counseling will help you learn to better articulate your needs and help him understand what you're asking for instead of perceiving your requests as bitching or nagging. I honestly don't think your situation is as hopeless as it seems,the two of you just need to learn new ways to talk to one another.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (10 August 2010):
All over? boy you stuck your foot in your own mouth. and you say that was a good marriage? thats not a marriage! of 2 people who truly love each other hell why didn't you 2 just go to a swingers bar at least that way there would of been no attachments? you love them and leave em' sounds like you have alot of work ahead of you! or one hell of a lonely life! at least maybe the next man you meet you might have respect for and you as well.
good Luck!
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (10 August 2010):
in my humbble opinion
get her closer to you and you well get them both
but if you continued nagging about her you'll find him running more towards her atleast in the begining
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (10 August 2010):
 Well that was a really bad decision, now wasn't it? I would recommend some sort of marital counseling, if he's even willing to attend. It might salvage what's left, but I think you made some horrible decisions and the damage may be irreversible.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 August 2010):
 Have you asked her to let you try to save your marriage? Since you were the one who befriended her in the first place?
Wow. There's not much I can say to help here. I think I'd take myself off to marriage counseling ASAP, whether or not he came with me. You thought everything was fine and here he's telling you (the one who encouraged his extracurricular sex life) that you are bitchy and naggy. Wow. That is a most spectacular backfire... did you discuss the limits, the borders, the expectations, before you gave him 'permission' to be with this other woman?
I guess my advice would be that you need to get into professional counseling. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 August 2010):
 Tell him to choose you or her. It takes two to go wrong in a relationship. He can't justify an affair blaming on your bitchiness. I have heard of using a threesome to spice it up, but I have never heard of women telling their husbands, "imagine you are doing her." It's like do whatever so we can both get off. Like you are using each other just to get a release and you gave up on connecting on a deeper level. It doesn't fix any problems. I think he's unhappy long time ago, seeing a new woman just brought those feelings to the surface. Talk to him and express how much you want it to work out. At the same time be realistic. It's possible you are nagging so much because you really can't stand his flaws. Decide whether they are flaws you can live with, or are they fatal flaws. He's set in his ways and he's not going to change. After so many years he knew what you are not pleased with so even if you keep your mouth shut he would know you are just tolerating.
Tell him all the good qualities you like about him. Appreciate what he has done for you. Ask him to go on a date with you and start all over again.
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