A
male
age
41-50,
*eorgiaguy
writes:I have a problem that I am unsure how to handle. I am 31 years old, and I have never had a girlfriend. I had a close friend in high school and that was about it. I never really was looking for anyone, and was pretty much content on spending my life alone...until. Recently, where I work, we hired a new intern for one of our departments. At first she and I became pretty close friends at work and some out of work. As time went on I asked her about a relationship and she told me that until she knew more about her job status and if it was going to be full-time or not she wanted to just stay friends. She also said that she is a little hesitant on dating anyone that works for the same place as she, because of what people may say, but she didn't say no. To cut this long story shorter, recently she was fixed up by a family member with a friend of their's and I think they have hit it off by the way she talks about him. She told me that she thought at first he might be just another close friend when I asked her about him because of his age in relation to hers (she is 24 and he just turned 20), and she joked about me asking and asked me if I was jealous about him and I said yes. She just laughed. Since that happened I have made a total a** of myself around her. I got sick around the same time this was going on and many people I work around blamed my sickness on her breaking my heart and that upset her more with me because she thought I told them that, which I didn't, they were only tring to help me. With this being my first trip into the relationship world, I let my emotions get the best of me and I got very jealous. I have tried apologizing to her about my jealousy and emotions and about what other employees have said to her, but I am not sure if she wants to hear it or she is wanting to give me time to cool down. She does not talk to me as much at work now and does not chat online as much with me as before. I have been told by two or three friends at work that I should back off some and give her some space and see how the relationshsip she is in now plays out. I am tring that now, but with my patience, I am not sure how long that will last. I have never felt this strong about anyone in my life, but I really do like this girl and I will do anything to help her if she needs it. At the same time, I don't want to hurt her or upset her. Could someone share some advice on this? I need all I can get on this. Thanks
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male
reader, georgiaguy +, writes (28 August 2008):
georgiaguy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply on this. I think I will take a step back for a little while and see what happens and maybe talk to her in passing. Give her time to breathe a little because I have been over crowding her.I would like to think I am like my sister in many ways. My sister married her high school sweetheart and he was her only boyfriend through school. I know most of it is wishful thinking, but you never know. It is funny that I never was really looking for anyone and this girl comes in and pretty much hits me like a ton of bricks and made me think. They say God has someone picked out for everyone, maybe she is it. I just got to have patience, hope, and faith and be the nice person that I am.Thanks Again
A
female
reader, Emajayne  +, writes (28 August 2008):
 Just pointing this out before i say anything else. The reason u have never felt the way u do about this girl before is because she is ur first "love" potentially. It never works out and if it does then i kind of pity that...u need experience to make a relationship work. U need to see what it is exactly that u want, what u need, and will NOT tolerate in a companion. This is a common issue that happens at work and at school, especially high school because we are all just immature little know it alls (but not really). Its noble of u not to want to hurt her or upset her but unfortunately u cannot be nice to everyone. Just try to keep tabs on your behavior and if she acts in a manor that u dont like dont give it any unnessesary thought. All u can do in this particular case is accept and move on to the next thing. It is completely normal to be jelous...jelousy is a good thing and a bad thing because it shows u care but can also turn into an obsessive power struggle thing that is just really messy and u dont want that. Any woman will tell u that a jelous boyfriend is NOT what they want at all...but a little jelousy never hurts the ego. You should try and organise ur thoughts into categories such as What she values in a relationship? for example she stated that she isnt really into workplace dating, What u value in a relationship? for example do u want someone who is going to worry about what the others in the office think, and what is really important about everything that has been said about this predicament. Is there one point that she keeps bringing up and is there something that really really bothers u about all of this? Just try to think about everything to do with this and solve what u can in increments. Dont try and tackle the entire issue in one shouting match. Sit down with her and have a relaxed but firm discussion about how this makes u feel and encourage her to do the same. Lay all the cards on the table and try to put them all back in order. I have to suggest though seeing as u are new at the whole dating game that u dont sweat the situation as it could be A LOT worse. this whole thing will blow over eventually and to be frank its no one elses business at the office. This is between u and her, not up for coffee break discussions. Instead of trying to apologize to her why not just say "Hi how are u?" It will shock her socks off and she wont know what to expect. There is nothing worce than walking by a guy who literally hangs off of ur leg saying "PLEAAASE FORGIVE ME !!!" its just..not appealing. But its ok, just dont do it again. The only thing i can think of thats left for u to do is pretend like this never happened. Be friendly and if something happens that makes ur patience wear thin take a deep breath and take a walk. talking to people is just like driving. it isnt safe when u are angry.
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