A
male
age
36-40,
*arkymoo
writes:Hi, i put a question up the other day about how to win my ex back back after hurting her. I never cheated or anything, i just emotionally tore her apart to the point she felt ill with worry. never intentional, i just always knew she would come running back, whenever we got into an argument i would flip and get nasty. She said she has been sick with worry im going to leave her or cheat on her and sometimes i have been txting other girls and lieing about it, not because there is anything going on but because i just didn't want to hurt her. Well the the other week we had a petty argument and i got nasty again and she said ' right thats it, i can't take it anymore' and she left me. It hit me like a ton of bricks so i asked for advice on here, i never really knew what i had until she left. I love her so much and using the advice i got on here coupled with my own initiative ive tried everything in the book.She said she can only think of the bad times, so i sent her a book i made of all the good times, ive txt her the nicest messeges but everything just seemed to annoy her, and shes kept asking me to leave her alone because when i contact her it puts her back to sqaure one. She said she has to get over me if she wants to fully be happy in the future. Ive told her i will change but she says she has heard it all before. So i did finally leave her but after 5 days i couldn't resist so i txt her again and she still just told me to leave her alone, day by day she seems to get more angry. My emotions got the better of me the other day and i went round and waited for her to come home, when she did and she saw me she burst into tears and got upset, saying 'i knew you would come round, i jsut thought ud respect me more than that'. I asked her if i could explain my actions and she just wouldn't let me. We did manage to talk for a while and i tried to end it on the best note i could, i said how sorry i was and how im going to see proffessional help about my anger (which i am) and that i hope soon in the future you forget about the bad times and think of the good times and maybe we can talk. Then we left it. When i got home a few hours later i txt her really upset saying how i miss her and i would do anything to prove how ive changed but she didn't reply. And then last night i got some advice off a girl friend to send her one last txt not saying how sorry you are but explaining how you understand how my actions would have effected her. So i did i gave examples of my actions and also tried to understand how they would have effected her. things like 'I know it would have been hard for you to understand how the one berson you love with all youre heart is the same person that tore you apart'. The message was 20 messages long and i tried my best not to just suck up but to genuinly try to understand how she might feel. I ended the message by saying 'im going on holiday tomorrow (which i am)and she knows i am for a week but if u need to you can contact me, otherwise it would be nice to catch up when i get back but only if you are ready for it, you are my lover and my best friend, have a nice week'She didn't reply to that, but is that because she thinks i have to ignore him now if he wont stop contacting me? did she even open the messages and just delete them straight away?All my firends and family have said you can do no more, if you ignore her now and leave her be she will miss you and want you back but i don't think they understand she doesn't play games, i no her better than anyone and she really will be trying to just leave me and get over me, telling herself its the best thing she can do. She said something the other day that really upset me she said 'i fell for you completely, gave you all my love and asked for nothing in return but your love back' it is so true and i just blew it away, i was hurt badly in a past relationship so have always had a guard up, but why when my gf of this time was so good to me. What do i do now, im so stuck but i can't give up, i no she still loves me and when i saw her the other dy she seemed pale and ill and i felt so bad. I know her family and friends are saying 'you dnt need him' and all that trying to do best by her so at the minute everything is against me. Have i lost her?She loved me so much and always tried her best, will she just give up now? or will time heal the bad things and she will want to give it another go?What is the best thing for me to do, i can't live with out her and i really will change, ive taken the time out to make my self understand my faults.All help will be great.Thanks
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female
reader, Sprout  +, writes (15 July 2008):
Damn... that was really hard for me to read. My ex of two years and I just broke up. When we started out, he began lying to me-- made up fictitious stories about his past, texting/calling ex girlfriends and other girls behind my back (even though SUPPOSEDLY nothing was going on), introduced me to some chick he'd made out with as his friend (!) then lied to me about who she was and why he didn't say girlfriend; the whole 9 yards. These actions caused me to always question him and expect lies. Needless to say, we started fighting because of it all, and on top of it, he would be hurtful and call me mean and nasty names when we would fight. It got to the point here at the end where I physically attacked him when he called me a f-ing whore. I just couldn't take it anymore and I snapped. All the lies, all the name calling, all the hurtful words have left permanent scars; it's not about forgetting or getting over it I don't think. It's a feeling that's been instilled, and feelings can't be forgotten. I'm sorry for you both. Please learn to not say hurtful things out of anger... you can't take it back by apologizing, and trust me, we wish you could. You're lucky you didn't get socked :( Good luck.
A
female
reader, sani  +, writes (14 July 2008):
hey u men are all realy very mean when u r loved truly and dearly u start on cheating or change without warning and hurt the lady but when it backfires u try to think of excuses of ur behaviour . well just leave tht grl alone as u realy dont deserve her love or care it will b better for u n her to stop seein each other cos to break a relation when its in a full swing without bad words an all will be better then to insult an end getting hurt
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 July 2008):
 You need to leave her alone. Work on improving yourself, get help with that anger management. But leave her alone. If you truly love her you will respect her wishes. Stay busy and don't mope around. If after a period of time SHE decides to contact you, then fine. However, if I were you I'd assume at this point that she is gone and move on with my life. I know it's painful but if you hang on to this thread of hope you will cause yourself more pain perhaps and be wasting your time. Good luck Buddy.
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