| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm in an utter state and I just need an outside perspective. About 2 years ago I met a really lovely girl on holiday, we stayed friends when we came home and she told me all about the problems, the man one was the guy she wanted who we'll just call J. The problem was every other girl in her village wanted him too, it was the kind of community where everyone knew everyone and he was the guy on a pedestal. So I told her what to say, how to act, when to call him and when to wait for him to call her. I've never had much luck in my own love life but I've always been very lucky for other peoples. So it wasn't long before he declared he'd loved her since she was five and he'd pushed her in the paddling pool. I was so happy for her and she considered the whole relationship my achievement! It wasn't long until she insisted I meet him. I put it off for ages, I just knew I shouldn't. But she wanted it so badly that I agreed, I've never ignored my premonitions before and I never have since. He always described the first time we met as a coup de foudre and I agree I was just hit hard and I wanted to get out, apparently he was hit hard too but he didn't want to get out. The three of us spent a lot of time together and I spent a lot of time with each of them seperately. So it was me in the middle arranging all the details when he wanted to propose. She said yes and the wedding date was set. She had to go to New York on a training course for a month and it was agreed they'd marry 2 months after she got back. When in New York she ran into an Ex Boyfriend and began spending a lot of time with him. J was not pleased and everytime they spoke it was an arguement, and the time he spent with me was becoming more and more. When she came back from New York J decided he'd had enough and called off the engagement. She rang me in tears and I went to see him, we talked, I told him all the reasons he loved her when half way through a sentence he suddenly kissed me and everything in me wanted it to last forever, except the little bit of my brain which won over the rest of me so I stopped the kiss and told him to leave me alone and go find his fiancee. So he did, they got married and I never saw either of them again. That was a year ago and then suddenly a week ago J sent me an email saying he needed to talk to me. I ignored it so he rang me and I decided to bite the bullet and talk to him. He was still married, they were trying for a baby, they were relatively happy even though she cheated on him this past summer, he said, but he still loved me and he wanted me and everytime he was with his wife he'd wish she was more like me. I know what he's offering me and he knows I've already turned him down once but he keeps trying and he still makes my heart beat faster, he's still romantic and he still keeps me talking about everything and nothing all through the night. I'm so lost and confused. I know what I should do but there is another part of me that can't bear to turn down the oppurtunity to be with a man a really care about regardless of how the relationship would be.
View related questions:
fiance, on holiday, trying for a baby, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ask aunty heather +, writes (1 January 2006):
if you choose to stay friends with him tell him that you wont be his agony aunt any more he should be voicing his concerns to his wife.you need to establish some boundries within the friendship. state quite clearly you will not be used as a sexual object by this man in order that he gets revenge upon his wife for having an affair. they need marriage guidance counselling.
perhaps you are doing the right thing by breaking contact with him, but tell him why you are doing it. he needs to know this as his behaviour is appalling.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2005): It seems to me that this man is deluding himself about his relationship with his wife. If she cheated on him and he is looking to do the same with you there is a definite lack of love left! It seems they are trying to have a baby in order to recreate the bond they no longer seem to have. This would be awful for the child and the parents.
Tell him how you feel and that you would be willing to try and make things work with him but ONLY if him and his wife get a divorce and remember no matter how much you want him don't do anything until he gets that divorce.
...............................
|
