A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend who nobody likes because she isn't fake like everyone else; she doesn't wear her hair like them, or make-up, or talk like they've never heard English before. She is very shy and only wants to be liked because she has no friends but me. She has 2 titanium poles in her back and therefore is extremely disabled, she can't run or anything else, this spinal problem has also caused some sort of damage to her lungs so she basically has a constant asthma attack, she can't breathe properly so she can't talk well.An incident occured in break and a whole pile of boys slammed into her back, something happened to her back and she was crying from the pain and therefore could barely breathe. Everyone else was looking awkward or laughing at the boys, I was the only one who could be bothered to help her, I basically half carried her outside where I called a teacher who helped me take her to matron. When I came back, I had a huge go at the boys for pratting about. As I sat down I was furious to hear my BEST FRIEND slagging this disabled girl off. She said "oh I hate **********, imagine her ripping the pole from her back and masturbating with it!" I was so furious and disappointed in her for saying this that I didn't talk to her for the rest of the day (8-11-07) and for the whole of today (9-11-07) because I was afraid of doing something I would regret. I am really sensitive to these sort of commenta where other people try and get a laugh out of someone elses misfortune just to look big in front of their friends. I am really protective of this disabled girl because I'm the only friend she has and I genuinely feel needed by her, she may have her medical problems but the only thing I see when I look at her is a real girl, afraid of others comments but unable to hide her deprivity because she doesn't know how. She may be disabled and unable to experience things that others will experience such as the simple joy of running, but when I look at other people and how the only thing that interests them is looking good in front of others and who's going out with who and what music is new and what their hair looks like. It's them I feel sorry for.Was I wrong to help this girl? When I've fallen out with my best friend? I don't have any other friends but her who I can talk to - I need her. (it's complicated) What should I say to her? Should I say anything to her? Please help me, it felt right helping this disabled girl, but it's landed me into trouble with friends and I may be kicked out of their "group"- I need people, to feel liked.HAve I done the wrong thing?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): i agree with what everyone else said below. You were right to help her, and should think about letting go of those fake old friends. I know it may be hard to strike a balance in between this new friend of yours, and your old friends.....in order to keep on everyones good terms.
I think no matter how much you hate someone, or no matter how many bad things you may want to say to your old best friend, you should still try to remain polite and calm with them. By staying polite, and distancing yourself a bit, things are kept friendly (sure that may be fake if you dont like them so much, but staying respectful in a distant polite way wont give them reason to talk behind your back or do anything mean to you and your new friend, hopefully).
:( how can people be so mean?
I really hope what one of the other aunts said was true...
....that people dont care about being popular or fake after high school anymore.
Keep your chin up high :)
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (22 March 2008):
 I must say that I have the utter most respect for you.
You did something that a lot of people wouldn't have even thought about doing.
You've done such a great thing, and you should be so proud of yourself for doing it.
My brother has a mental disability and he has a best friend who is in a wheel chair with the same kind of problems as the girl you talk about and I can't imagine how I would feel if anything like that happened to her because she is one of the nicest, sweetest people I know.
So I personally want to commend you for what you did.
I'm glad you got rid of your best friend. She sounds like an absolute bitch and I seriously hope you don't ever think of becoming friends again with someone so despicable and a complete disgrace.
You're old best friend will get what's coming to her. What goes around comes around. If she ever gets into a similar situation as to what your disabled friend is in, she'll have NO ONE. People who come out with things like that don't tend to get away with it for very long. One day, something like that will happen to some she loves, then she'll know.
I can't tell you how much respect I have for you.
There ought to be more people like you in the world.
Take care and best wishes.
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): I'm sorry.. is this even a question that needs to be asked!? No, it's a no brainer. One day, that disabled girl with probably own a wealthy business and your so-called bestfriend will be cleaning the toilets in that building. Really, your heart is so much more pure then they combined. Why surround yourself with those kinds of retarded people? Because you wanna be popular? News flash, once you hit college, and life there after for that matter, none of it matters. No gives a crap about who you were, they care about who you are now. And who you are is awesome!
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A
female
reader, cupids angel gl ruby +, writes (12 November 2007):
 no i belive what is more inportent a poor girl or a freind i think you made the right chose it was very kind of you she could be in hospitall if no body new or helped
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): you're better off without your cruel hearted bestfriend. if she can't hurt a poor helpless girl, then i am sure in the future she can hurt you the same. she is not worth being friends with. she is shallow and immature. if you stay with her your maturity level will just suffer because of her ignorance.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (10 November 2007):
You have done absolutely nothing wrong and your actions over this whole incident is correct and right.
Your abled friend seems to focus more on the inclusion of a group than rely on herself to attract others. Your disabled friend is differant from the others which means that other more abled small minded people would exclude her from their group. As a result of this your disabled friend has formed her own opinions and has discovered her real self making her so much more mature than the other small minded aminals that see it an easy cop out to slag her off.
In your shoes I would insist that your best friend apologises to the disabled girl and makes the effort to include her a bit more.
I hope the perpetrators of this disgusting attack have been dealt with preferable by the police as opposed to the school. The best thing the school could do is permanently exclude these animals and if any damages are due to this girl the parents of this scum be made to pay for their actions.
Maybe writing a letter to ofsted if the school does not deal with this matter immediatly and appropriately would be a good idea.
I seriously support everything you have done here as you have shown maturity and compassion that you should be very proud of.
I can honestly say by what you have written and how you come across I would be as proud as anything to have a daughter turn out like yourself.
In conclusion -
Was I wrong to help this girl? - Certainly No, you couldn't be more right to have done what you did. Be proud of your heroic decision.
Have I fallen out with my best friend? - You may have done, it may be rekindled but it doesn't matter. No best friend of mine would make a wicked comment like that and if this is what your best friend is like and you do fall out then you are really better off without her.
If you ask me you have a new best friend - the disabled girl - she sounds great.
What should I say to her? - Tell her how you feel and how badly hurt this other person was, how you believe it wrong for a human being to do anything like this and to pass wicked comments about a fellow human being - ask her where her compassion is - appeal to her nice side to come to the surface again.
If you are kicked out of a group like this then it is not such a bad thing. I would sooner be isolated than be included with a bunch of small minded people who have shown such a lack of individualism.
If you read the other answers here you will see that we very largely have written comments that all agree with each other.
You are truly inspirational and if you ever need to get in touch personally my door is always open. Especially for inspirational wonderful people like yourself.
With utmost sincerity.
Trev
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (10 November 2007):
 With a friend like that,who needs enemies? Your so called best friend is a arrognant,selfish,uncaring little girl,who needs to grow up. And as for the gang who was pushing her,well they need stringing up. What you did was correct,you helped that poor girl,who could of died with a asthma attack.You have a kind,caring nature that you will always have,i wouldn't worry too much on your delightful,best friend,she isn't worth your time of day. You will meet nicer friends,......if i had a friend like her,i would of dropped her like a red hot brick,a long time ago.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): Wow, that was a wonderful story to read about how you can be so selfless and caring. That maturity sets you apart from the other immature so called friends. Friends who want to hurt someone like that are not really worth it. You were absolutely correct for what you did. If you continue that attitude until you are an adult, you will be the one who is looked up to. Actually, you acted more like an adult than most adults do. I admire you very much.
Listen to what Miss C said also. She is so correct.
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