A
male
age
30-35,
*-763
writes:Dear AllI wonder if you could help me again please, I’m still so damn confused! lol Basically I became closer and closer with my dream girl at high school over the course of two years. I’m one who doesn’t go looking for girls so she kind of approached me if you like, we were just good friends and then I noticed over these last six months how we started to become more than friends. None of her or my colleague’s and friends noticed until two months ago, when both our teachers and friends noticed our great bond when working together etc. Her best friend was nice about it and kept her suspicions discreet and my friends just gave me nice honest advice, me and her used to have lunch together etc, it was lovely!Around a month ago she approached me and I missed a great chance to make a proper move. A week later we were hardly talking, it was devastating and I was to blame! A week later I asked for her number, in an attempt to discreetly and slowly gain her gorgeous self back!That night I text her (in a professional manor) and I received no reply; I waited another week, whilst we got further apart. After a few more days I approached again and asked if she was or write and if I had done anything she failed to answer me, I apologised for anything I could have done or said, she ignored me and her friends just said ‘leave it, don’t worry etc’.After two more weeks I was so depressed and upset and I couldn’t think of what I had done so damn wrong! It was terrible! My friends suggested it could have been some people she hangs around with sometimes (two of them hate me!), they had herd them talking about me in a terrible and offensive way!That week we were all on a school bus for two hours on a trip, I sat near the front with my friend quietly and she sat at the back of the bus, near those idiot people! Half way through the journey I heard one of them talking about me in a clearly nasty way, I immediately turned round and just shouted at him and basically flipped and said in summary ‘if you have anything to say about me why don’t we just discuss it now!’ She said ‘just leave it, shut up’, she then was shocked as I then said to those idiots ‘you all make me sick as you cant just let me have friends, I’m entitled to have friends how dare you get involved with my friendships who do you think you are?, your disgraceful and sick minded to suggest such accusations, because of your stupidity I have lost a friend (her) because of you people’ (as me and her weren’t officially together and I hadn’t asked her how she felt so we remained officially friends), she just froze in shock, I could tell that she knew that I knew she had been told rubbish accusations about me. One of the people then said ‘don’t you talk to me like that, if you were supposedly friends then why did you ask her for her number?’. I was shocked, I had to stop to refrain myself from hitting those fools!After we got of the bus my friend (who sat near the idiots) told me that they had been telling each over how I had supposedly been stalking her! Stalking is huge accusation that quite frankly I have not done to her and I would never do that! Ever to anyone!My parents noticed my clear feelings of upset that evening, I told them that people had been nasty about me being friends with a girl and they said that it was terrible but not to worry and that it should blow other. I don’t feel that this is the case as I didn’t tell them that I had been accused of allegedly stalking her!I haven’t misunderstood her, she definitely used to have feelings for me, I hope she still has! If she hadn’t why did she send me a valentines card marked with her kisses and why did she used to always smile at me, after my previous posts everyone agreed that she had feeling for me!We are still not talking, I feel really bad I don’t know what to do! Please, if you could be of assistance I would really appreciate it; I can’t take this pain anymore it’s terrible to be accused of a stalker, I just want her back!ThanksG-763
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (19 March 2007):
 I don't think her parents will get mad at you if you write her a note apologizing for making her feel uncomfortable. You need to stop letting these idiots get to you! When they start talking about you and things, don't even let them get to you anymore. Don't talk to them, they know how you feel... just ignore them.
As for the girl, you don't need to straight out ignore her, I suppose, but just don't bother talking to her or making that effort. Just continue on with your own life without making her a part of it. It sounds like there's still a lot of drama going on, and you need to get yourself out of that. She knows how you feel about the situation. Now it's time for you to get started on moving on.
You don't need to ignore her, if she speaks to you, be polite and concise. Just don't let the drama get to you. There's no need for it! Live your life, do your thing... no need to give her the cold shoulder.
Good luck (again),
xxIndia
A
male
reader, G-763 +, writes (19 March 2007):
G-763 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Dear India
Thanks for the swift reply, I love the idea but I forgot to mention one huge factor as well as the events of today.
Well the huge factor is I'm scared to send her a letter as she's the kind who is slightly shy and I feel she would tell her parents if I sent her a note (her parents are hard on not having a realationship until 16 minimum, like mine) I would hate it if my principal got a phone call or letter from her parents suggesting that I had been harasing her, my parents would go crazy!
Secondly today, we had to work together and she just avoided all eye contact, I just acted proffesionaly and didn't hardly look at her (giving her the same treatment as you recommend), then somebody said what you looking at for a laugh, as I day dreamed at the floor briefly and they thought I was looking at her legs. I answered them and said 'Excuse me, I don't find such a joke funny seens that I'm currently alledgedley a stalker, which is a serious accusation'. They then shut up and she looked a bit uncomforatble. Later on one of the idiots tried to talk to her about our groups work and it disturbed our group. I turned and looked at the idiot and said 'why don't you just shut up and stop disturbing us we dont care what you have to see so why don't you keep your opinions to yourself!' Again she was shocked again. As we left class my freind then told me how she told him that she hated me! That afternoon she tried to see if I would look at her when she looked at me and I didn't! I ignored her and sat far away from her, I looked upset as ofcourse I felt upset! Her nice friend (who Is also sort of my friend) asked how I was three times. I said ok and then on the third time she pointed to 'her' when 'her' and everyone else wasn't looking as if to say is it because of your situation. I nooded and said 'their are a lot of nasty lies around about me that aren't true, I wont let whoever the sick minded person who caused them, to get away with it'. She understood and thought about it as we contineued working. Later on she asked 'her' to tell me a story about something to do with our work and I didn't look at 'her' as she didn't respond to her friend, I just said to the friend 'just leave it don't bother'. I ignored 'her' all day as you recommended.
It's so bad, is their anyway I could show her how I feel without sending her a message? I just feel it's a bit risky, thats all.
Also these idots keep on talking in front of me, trying to make out that she has fallen for another guy, which is not true!
Thank you so much India for the advice once again!
G-763
P.S I guess it sounds even worse than before! lol
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (19 March 2007):
Hi sweetness,
Wow. What a situation.
I think you need to leave this alone for a little bit. Nothing is worse then being accused of being a stalker, especially when you're not one! She's probably looking for any signs of "stalker behavior" from you because now these moron's have put this idea into her head. What I would do is write her a letter - not a text, saying something simple like:
"Hi (__her name__),
I think you know that I have feelings for you, but I also think that you are under the impression I am "stalking" you. I really value our friendship, and I am very concerned that I might have crossed a line to make you feel uncomfortable and if I did, I'm sorry. Since you seem to want your space, I'll give you some, but I want you to know that my intention was never to scare you or hurt you.
I hope we can be friends, when you're ready. I'll give you some space. I miss smiling with you and laughing with you - I thought we had a lot of fun together! I hope you had fun too.
I'm here for you anytime, but I'll give you as much space and time as you need."
Something along those lines. If she thinks you're a stalker, you need to get these thoughts out of her head. Then - SPACE. It's kind of like playing hard-to-get. She might miss the attention and come back to you. Or maybe she'll just see that her moron friends are moron's and will want to hang out with you again.
To get her back, give her what she wants - space.
Gooe luck and stay strong!
xxIndia
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