A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone help me I am worried sick, I have cheated on husband for a few months now, I have only given the other man oral, he is married too and says he has never had an affair before, but over the last number of weeks I have started getting ulcers and sores in around my mouth and a rash is starting, I have never really had any problems like this before,I do not know how to ask him if he has any problems down below,he likes me giving him head so I do,I have looked up medical books and I am shocked at some of the things you can catch only having oral sex, can any one please tell me if there is any chance that I could have caught something doing this, and how do I not let my husband find out if I have caught something, how do I ask the other man without him thinking badly of me if he hasn't got anything. Help needed quickly.
View related questions:
affair, oral sex, std Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): Sorry babes, if we made you feel bad. Your human, you made a mistake, but you must accept that bad actions sometimes lead to bad consequences... Go and sort out your health, that's the most important thing right now. The crying, and bad feelings can wait until later. As you realize, your not the only person to make this mistake. Good people do bad things sometimes and the stress, guilt and worry won't help right now... Good luck, I am thinking of you at this sad and stressful time. If you can, please come back and update your post and tell us how it went for you.. Crossing my fingers for some good news...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): Thankyou for all the help and advise, I am a horrid person and have had time to think about this, I will make an appointment at a clinic as I do not want my GP to find out as he is our family GP, it is my own fault and I have been niave,I have never had oral sex with a condom before and did not even think about it, I only thought of condoms for intercourse,I trusted the man and have been really stupid, I have taken days to think about this and will get checked out before I tell my husband just incase it is not anything to worry about. The spots on my throat and mouth come and go as do mouth ulcers, but I am worried sick and feel run down, can't sleep and feel under constant pressure. If I had been only with my husband this whole mess could have been avoided, Thanks to everyone for their views this has been a real eye opener that I deeply regret.I do not think I will get away with this but I hope my husband can forgive me for what I have done and he will see that I am not the only stupid woman who has done this, I should never have had oral sex with the other man protected or unprotected, your messages have helped me with that fact.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): Sorry, here's the correct link... http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): I'm quiet angry with you, because nobody likes a cheat.. but anyway on to the advice.
Your from the UK, good. You have no need to go private, you can contact your local family planning clinic, STD clinic for help. Don't worry, everything done by these clinics or your doctor is confidential and nobody will every know. It's illegal for anyone to give out your medical history unless you give permission.
The NHS in the UK run a 24/7 telephone advice service. http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/index.aspx. You can contact them on 0845 4647 if you need emergency advice on Sexual Transmitted Disease. Don't be afraid, call them, they are there to help and everything is totally confidential.
Secondly, your husband cannot take away your son, things don't work like that. He is able to divorce you for adultery, he can do that. But the courts will look into what is best for your son, and if he's underage, they usually leave him with the mother. The courts will not care if you have had an affair, if you are a good mother, they will leave your son in your care, they will make your husband pay an maintenance allowance and they will probably leave you in the house and your husband will have to move out. Your husband would have to prove that your an unfit mother to take away your son. Please contact the citizen's advice bureau, for more information, they will put your mind at ease.... http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
If you have herpes, it's is not curable, but can be treated as Eyeswideopen has already explained. You must go to the clinic and get treated, and you must tell this married guy and your husband so they can get treated as well. Your married guy needs to know, because he can pass it on to his wife, and it is dangerous to the health of her child if she ever becomes pregnant. As far as I know the herpes virus can be passed on to children, so again is very wise when she warns about kissing your son. Contact the clinic and get more advice, we are not doctors and you need to get treatment as soon as you can.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (10 December 2008):
 Also don't kiss your son until you have been diagnosed.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 December 2008):
By the way oral herpes is treatable but not curable. You'll have to tell your husband if you have contracted this.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): What ever made you think that having a man in your mouth would be different from any other part of your body, passing fluids whether from oral male to female or female to male will pass STD's,you must have been realy taken in, and now you want to lie to your husband again, bad enough having an affair but you are putting his health at risk, who cares what the other man thinks, so what if he thinks badly off you, get to your local clinic and find out what he has given you, you say if you had sex you would of made him wear a condom,he did have sex with you only it was your mouth he entered still sex, how can you say this is not sex, he was inside you with the same body part wasn't he, stop acting so niave.When I give my hubby a blowjob I am still having sex with him don't you think, stop being so selfish and put your poor husbands first and the son you now seem to be so worried about losing, pity you didn't think about him before you took this other man.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): I agree with others you took the word of a man who was cheating behind his wifes back, you had unprotected oral sex with a man who was lying to you, he might have had loads of the same thing from others even just once he was not going to tell you, he is the kind off rat that makes me sick and you had better own up quickly for health reasons if not for any other, start being honest before this effects your child in a different way, if you have caught something your son may be left with no parents not just his father taking him away.GET IT SORTED NOW
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): I will not be as hard on you as others as pretty much the same happened to me, although I wasn't married he was, met him, got to know him, told me that he hadn't slept with his wife for a long time had no life you know the story, started getting little more intimate when ever we had a chance, told me his wife never did these things to him, I felt like I was doing pretty much something that I had always done with other partners, he would always want the oral sex again when we were together for short periods I was always keen to see him in ecstacy as he had no sex life at home,then after doing this a number of times, I started getting sore throats,run down, ulcers now and again, just thought I had a virus, went to the GP's who was very good ran some tests to be told I had oral Herpes,I could not understand this as I had no other sexual partner in my life and hadn't for a while, questioned the GP and was asked if I had been in a sexual relationship with anyone new, I had to tell him the truth about the marrid man bit.I went to see him and tell him and ask him If he had ever had anything like this, he totally denied all knowledge,blamed me and said I must be see'ing some else and have got it from them,I knew I wasn't so it had came from him, he then ended up calling me all the names under the sun told me to never talk to him again and told me he would deny everything if I told his wife, he had no cause to go to the GP and that he would make my life hell if I said anything, not only did I have oral Herpes from this man there was nothing I could do or prove, I have read other postings and yes he may be a carrier and never know he has it, but you must go to your GP and tell him, he will not tell your husband that is up to you but you have to get treatment. I would never have thought about asking him to wear a condom, he was cellibate I thought, what risks, I like you was caught out by a lying married man, as others mention I did know he was never mine and should have known that before I took him into my life litterly. Do not worry about your son your husband will probably not do anything more than hit the roof but you have to break this to him gently, he will have to know at sometime as he will need treatment too, better now than later, I do feel for you unlike others as I was in the same boat,Please do not be so hard Aunties, she is not the only woman to have been lied to by a married man, these pages are full of it. Take care.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): shouldnt have cheated on your husband
throw away all your pride and feelings and just ask the guy
find out as much as you can SEE A DOCTOR
tell the doctor everything exactly as it is
get it fixed
even tell your husband and make it up to him
DONT CHEAT
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): I'm sorry, but you are actually going to trust and take the word of a man who is lying and cheating on wife? Wow... talk about naive.
Look, go to the doctor and get it checked it out. If its and STD, well, then you're going to have to face the consequences of your actions, be a grown-up and tell your husband. And if he does leave you and take your son, well, then, I really hope the oral sex was worth it, but unfortunately it is a consequence of the actions you chose when you decided to risk your marriage by outting some strange guy's dick in your mouth unprotected.
...............................
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (9 December 2008):
 If there is so much at risk, why are you still even considering cheating on your husband?
If you don't want him to find out, get yourself checked out and don't continue this affair.
I don't really understand why people use "the sex with his wife had gone down hill" as some sort of excuse for cheating when he could have tried to sort out the problem with his wife - sex therapy or marriage counselling etc.
These are his words coming out of your mouth now and you're using it as an excuse too in the attempt to comfort your guilt. I'm not being harsh here, it's what happens.
If you don't want to lose everything, then don't risk everything.
I'm sorry if I seem to be nasty, but the more you cheat, the more likely it is that he's going to find out, and the more hurt he's going to be when he finds out how long it's been going on for.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): I have a son, if my husband finds out he will take my son away from me,I did know this mans sexual history he is married and told me that his sex life had broken down with his wife a long time ago, he told me I was the first and only woman he had been with since his wife,I do know that if we had sex I would make him wear a condom, I am even more worried after reading all these replies, I would not risk my life or my husbands I only had oral sex with the other man. I will lose everything if my husbands finds out, how could it be some of the things that are mentioned, as they pass through intercourse.I will look into secret clinics and go private if I have to but my husband can't find out.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): I can only pressume that you had unprotected oral sex with this man, as in any form of sex whether it be your vagina,mouth or anus all forms of sex with someone you have not been with for a long time and do not know their sexual history carries a risk, this man may be a carrier and not even know he has anything.If he is so happy for you to do it he will be happy for anyone to do it and may have had loads of previous sex before you. I can not believe a woman of your age would take a risk of unprotected sex acts with men, any passing of fluids or penetration is how diseases are passed did you not learn anything at school,the tv is showing adverts all the time about this, you have acted like a silly school kid infact they know the risks, they get at school the same as you did.You must go to a doctor and be honest with your worries so you can get tested and treated, and I am afraid you are going to have to own up to your husband, he has to know so he can go for treatment too or it will go back and forward, I am like others not a doctor but this could be as said Herpes and must be treated.I feel sorry for your husband you were so stupid to have unprotected oral sex, and all you think about is if the man you are Bj'ing thinks bad of you,you need a doctor for more than one thing I think.
...............................
A
female
reader, bubbloo24 +, writes (9 December 2008):
If you want my opinion on this, I would say it sounds a bit like oral herpes. I could be wrong. The problem with this is that I'm not a doctor and a lot of people on here won't be able to give you any correct medical advice on this matter. However, the advice we give is that you see your GP as soon as possible and you need to tell the man to whom you are giving oral sex.
I know you really don't want to, but he needs to know so that he doesn't pass it on to his wife if it is an STD and as another aunt has said, because you could pass it on to your husband. You need to get some medical advice on how to sort this out.
Herpes is sometimes symptomless and he may not think there's anything wrong, but he needs to get himself checked out too.
Please, do the right thing and get yourself checked out and tell this man what is going on.
All the best xx
...............................
A
female
reader, lonelydark +, writes (9 December 2008):
who cares what the other dumb guy thinks, besides it is for sure you have an STD, and I am not judging you, but our actions have consequences, try to visit a clinic as soon as possible and also get treated, please think about your husband do you want him to contract an STD too? does he really deserve it? Try to go to a clinic ASAP... your health is the most important matter right now and then think how you will end the relationship with the other guy he is not worth risking your marriage or health
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): I am by no means a professional but if it is infact an STD, I would assume that if you are still having sex with your husband he may have it or start showing signs of it soon. Go to your doctor to see. But I am also thinking maybe you have a yeast infection in your mouth. I have had two of them in my life, and they are very painful. Some sores and white like marks on inside cheeks, and tongue. Hope it helps, but if it is an std.. you may want to find out soon and be honest with your husband. Its better than him finding out after he goes to the dr. It may cause a fight but at least you came to him openly and honestly. Best of luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, Neeraj060  +, writes (9 December 2008):
 Listen sister if you want everybody to be happy be a clown and stop thinking. ..OR..walk up to a doctor and let him cleary knwo what the problem is so he can prove you the correct solution. .... Prevention is always better than cure.
Make sure you see a doctor after you read this article beacuse if your husband finds out GOD knows what might happen..even if you think you may try to hide it and finaly gie him the head too he might as well get a disease and in that case ther would be t 3 lives at stake.
Is there a asurity that the man you are fooling aroud with is not fooling with some one else who did not had a disease.
Take my advice and rush for the doctor now.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miss Potter +, writes (9 December 2008):
 You need to see a doctor immediately, this sounds like this could be hep virus!
...............................
|
