A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I am a thirty year old parent of 2 who has had a few short term relationships over the last ten years, but for the most part have lived by myself. It seems that once things start to progress into living together, that i really struggle with charging them a portion of the bills without feeling like I'm appearing money hungry or asking too much. The last time i attempted to live with someone it pretty much ended our relationship that he felt so entitled to living off of me. He didn't have kids so it seemed hard to decide what would have been fair, since I'm three heads. The guy I've been seeing lately has two kids as well, and though I'm not considering moving him in anytime in the immediate future, im still poundering how to go about it. I have my own house, with all the necessities, a newer car, and naturally appear as though i don't struggle even when i very much am. I'm just hoping to be able to adopt a better perspective, so any opinions and feedback is very appreciated.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 April 2019):
 One thing I forgot to mention, IT should be FINANCIALLY beneficial for BOTH of you to move in together. AS in you BOTH save some money by living together... Otherwise finances WILL come between you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 April 2019):
One thing I forgot to mention, IT should be FINANCIALLY beneficial for BOTH of you to move in together. AS in you BOTH save some money by living together... Otherwise finances WILL come between you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (28 April 2019):
 I agree that this needs to be discussed properly BEFORE someone moves in with you. Perhaps one way to broach the subject is to say something like "I would love you to move in but I am hesitant because, in the past, people have expected me to pay for everything and that is not something I can afford". This will then give your boyfriend an opening to start discussing splitting costs.
To be honest, if someone moves in and DOESN'T offer to pay at least their share, then that does not bode well for a long term relationship. People with a sense of entitlement like that do not make good partners.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 April 2019):
 This is something you need to agree upon before moving in together. You have to agree on a fair «price»/division of costs. If you are unsure how much is fair, seek advice from others in your area and in similar situations.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 April 2019):
I think the more those things are SPOKEN about (especially BEFORE someone moved in) the better.
There will always be "his bills" and "your bills" that should be separate but talking about the SHARED ones, like utilities, food, toiletries, part of the rent/mortgage - would seem fair to me. Especially in a NON-marriage relationship.
Money isn't EVERYTHING when it comes to cohabitation. There are chores, that EQUALLY should be shared and that have their own worth.
So the more is talked about finding a solution BOTH are content with BEFORE moving in, the better. Now things MIGHT change after moving in and then the budget and shares need to be adjusted.
Some people don't like talking about money. That isn't BEING greedy. That is making sense.
6 people COST more to take care off than 3. The wear on the house and cars etc. is higher too. It's COMMON sense that having a budget BOTH adults can agree on is where you need to get to. And that... takes talking.
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