A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey! Im in a new school and im finding it very hard to open up. Everyone always tells me im so quiet or shy. Id rlly like to open up, but i cant. I try to build up my confidence, or picture myself talking with ease, but that never seems to work. Whenever i stand next to a person, i dont know wat to say, or afraid that id say something stupid. Can u help me???
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female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (13 March 2008):
 You are giving too much power to other people. You are a quiet person, make it work for you. Quiet people usually are excellent observers. You just be you and you see how others can't deal with silence. They will talk on and on trying to filter out their own nervousness. You dont have to sound smart in front of people and you dont have to live up to their expectations of you and how they think you should act.
You have so much power within you. You have to stand your ground, be cordial to people and just speak when you know about topics being discussed. If you dont understand anything just ask a question. No one has life down pat because no is perfect. Lots of people are scared of others and those other people are scared too because people care too much about what others think. This is your life. You smile, enjoy all of what you can and just be you.
Let people come to you and enjoy your company. Be calm and collected. They will wonder why you are always relaxed and want to know your secret. Your secret will be that people dont scare you, you know who you are and you dont have to put an act on for anyone because you tell the truth and dont bite your tongue. You may not feel this way but it comes gradually if it is your goal. Like you I was quiet and felt outta place and awkward. I was scared I'd offend people and they wouldnt like me but I was walked on so many times that way. Before I graduated high school I decided that I was going to be a bolder person, say what I thought and enjoy my life because no one else can live my life except me and there is only one me!
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (12 March 2008):
 One day you are going to get tired of holding things in and speak your mind. The problem with shy people is that they have this type of *power* in school. When they finally look like they are about to speak, everyone is so shocked that they are finally speaking that they get all quiet and stare at the person. This could make things worse for the person, and make it harder for them to say something. Or if they like being paid attention to, this could make things easier for them. It just depends on personality, I guess. People might even take things you say very seriously at first(that shy girl said this, etc.), but the more you keep talking, the more they will realize that you are a regular person, just like they are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): I think that when it’s a case of being really scared to talk around ppl, it’s more social anxiety than just mere shyness. I know exactly how that feels and when I was fourteen I talked to a counsellor about how I felt and she helped me develop an attitude that was more comfortable and relaxed with myself, as a more social, confident person. I wasn’t immediately surrounded by friends after as I still had some issues but I had that little extra confidence to open up slightly and I gained a small, intimate group of friends. I think that being happy, relaxed confident really is the key to being comfortable in social situations, there are so many ppl out there who have exactly the same problems, usually due to things like low self-esteem feeling like you have nothing worthy to say, being neglected by so called “friends” or family, more people than you could imagine now are not socially comfortable. I would also advise smiling more as it actually releases endorphins(make you feel happy) if youre happy, your more relaxed and therefore more confident. Whatever you do, don’t wrap yourself up and isolate yourself (what I did) because you need to have someone you can confide in, ideally a friend-a good, caring, trustworthy friend who has your best interest-they will get you through it. If you have someone like this you are so lucky. I think counselling though will be a breakthrough, try your school one or maybe ask a teacher/parent if the school doesnt have one. you could try connexions but personally, it's a bit crap- i could give better counselling myself. in the meantime try and relax, smile-also u could try social skills.
remeber you are not in the minority, you'll be fine x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): Smile, do your hair differently, buy some new make up, paint your nails and eat a good breakfast! The best way to make friends when starting a new shcool is to look good!!! Beauty is skin deap but it should reflect the way you feel inside too! If you get shy, grin mischeaveously, then chuckle... it seems to work for me, (i'm 12) and just relax - which is very difficault, I know, but as soon as people see you shine they will see you as a shining kind of girl! Tell some stories, and if you're desparate you can always through a party ( A house warming) that is always a good thing - or invite some people you think are poss. friends out shopping ("I don't know about the fasion here - can you help me pick, as you look really cool")
Good luck at your new shcool!
Jelly!
PS. Smile!!!!!
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A
female
reader, superbunny  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 Honey, I think one thing to bare in mind is that *everyone* gets shy at some point.. The best piece of advice I can offer is just hold your head up high! I was quite shy at school + since I've left I'm much more confident + I wish I'd built up the confidence up earlier!
One thing I think is a good idea - it may seem silly - but look in the mirror + notice what you like about yourself.. Be it your eyes, or you hair or whatever, then imagine that when people are looking at you, they're admiring that good points.. It's just the initial hello + stuff that's awkward, sweetie, you'll soon feel more relaxed in their company. :] x
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