A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’m at a crossroads and I have no idea what to do. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and two months ago we moved in together. I met him at a time in my life when I was quite lonely and desperate to have someone. Before him I never had a serious relationship and I didn’t quite know what I wanted out of a partner. When we met, he was a breath of fresh air, I had so much fun with him.Ever since we’ve moved in I’ve had ‘issues’ and minor ‘breakdowns’ where I’ll get upset, cranky and mean. A few days ago it all came toppling down and I told him that I wasn’t sure I wanted to be with him in the long term. He still doesn’t know the exact reason and I’m too chicken to say it because I hate hurting someone who’s done nothing but love me.My issue is that he’s less educated than me and his earning power is very small. I’m an attorney earning a nice income and I have reasonable savings. I am worried that I’m setting myself up for a life where I might have to support him or for a life where we won’t be able to afford nice things like holidays, a nice home and cars. Perhaps I’m materialistic, I can’t help it. To top things off, he was recently out of work for three months and spent his savings on living day to day. He also has a debt of approx 25K and isn’t paying much of it off because of a lack of savings. I just don't feel financially secure with him.In the beginning none of this mattered to me but as we got more serious it started to bother me. I never said anything and kept going along, thinking I’ll either learn to accept this or I’ll decide that it doesn’t matter. I always told myself that he makes up for this by being the most amazing person I’ve ever met. He truly loves and respects me and wants the best for me.He’s told me to sort myself out and decide what I want. I just don’t know what to do. I hate hurting him like this and he doesn’t deserve such treatment. Just the thought of not being with him makes me want to cry. On the other hand, the thought of staying and hoping my ‘issues’ with his finances will go away isn’t the answer either. I do love him but financial security is as important to me.Logically, I have to decide between letting him go or just accept the situation as it is. It’s just not that easy and I’m completely torn up.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): If you really were in love with him, the earning potential and amount of money in his savings account wouldn't make you want to leave him.
A
female
reader, Chapche  +, writes (22 March 2012):
I'd definitly advise you to keep up with him than to quit as the material problems are temporary and good relations and good people they are rare. Besides the experience of surviving such kind of difficulties is of use too. Try to be more patient, don't demand much at once and it can return hundredfold.
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A
female
reader, LovelyLemon +, writes (22 March 2012):
 Basically this comes down to love or money. Sounds like you love the guy, but your love is conditional based on his income. I'm not saying this is wrong, as many women seem to think this way. We want a man who can provide for us. You have to decide whether your desire for a financially secure future is worth losing someone you love.
It also seems as though you're being a fair-weather girlfriend. You only want him when times are good, not when he is unemployed and maybe you have to help keep him afloat until he can get on his feet again. This is what couples do for eachother. You support eachother in any way necessary, but not just one supporting the other all the time.
This is a difficult balance with no easy answer. Ask yourself if you would be more happy alone with your money, or together with less material goods.
Much love and Best wishes
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