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female
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*abydoll_leti
writes: I am 19 and just had a beautiful baby girl. Her father and I are going through tough times right now and I came back to live with my mom to clear my head. We agreed I would go back to be with after things have cooled down. My mom and him don't get along and constantly talk about one another and have yelled at each other before. Now things haven't gotten so bad that he is making me choose. If I want to be with him and go back I can't talk to her. Its so hard. I Love him and want him to be with our baby, but I can't do that to my mom. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, wishes +, writes (21 November 2005):
 He is being incredibably selfish. If he really did love you, he wouldnt put you through the pain of making this decision. You need your mum most of all at this very special time of your life in having a young child. You will not only be hurting your mum by giving in to him, you will be hurting yourself and your daughter. You need to talk to him and tell him that she will always be your mum and you want to stay in constant contact with her. That you do want to be with him, and want your daughter to be with him, but he needs to grow up and accept that you are your mothers daughter! He doesnt need to see her very often, only at your daughters birthday etc. He needs to be aware of how much stress he is putting on you by making you make this decision. Please do not give into him. Nobody could ever replace your mum. And remember that even if you are not with him, he can still be an active father. Good luck! And best wishesx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2005): He is unreasonable to think you would not want to have some relationship with your mother. She is your safety net, which is why you are living with her. Have you seen a couples or marriage counselor with him? If not, try it. You need help, for both of you, of you are going to make a relationship work. You are very young and with the added responsibility of raising a baby, you have your hands full just growing up. You will make mistakes, and you will change your feelings about any number of things as you get more mature. He needs to be supportive of you, and not demanding that you cut yourself off from your family. If he can't be civil to your mother, then he needs to stay away from her. Your mother needs to talk to a counselor about her behavior, too. One normally expects the most adult person to be the most mature acting, and to refrain from getting into shouting matches with children, and their boyfriends. It rarely helps. Of course, the fact that you are not married, and are now a mother does not make your own mother the happiest she could be, so be conscious of her feelings about your boyfriend. They are based in the knowledge that he was not being as responsible about having sex with you as he could have been. Don't let him put you in the position to choose him or your mother. Just refuse to give him that power. Then see a counselor.
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