A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Early in my relationship, my girlfriend and I just were very honest about our past sexual history. Probably for most, too honest. Through all this, I admitted to her having slept with a friend of mine, at a time when we were both single and it never followed up with dating, feelings, etc...I explained it to her as just a night that was due to alot of drinking, both of us recently becoming single and thinking it was the right thing to do. For me and this friend, we handled it maturely (I think) and decided it was a mistake, and went on to maintain our friendship well. My girlfriend has gotten to know this girl and can tell that she has nothing to be jealous of or anyhting and can tell that she is nothing more than a friend. My question is, the night after I met my girlfriend, I had this friend of mine sleep over my house with a group of friends after a night out. She ended up crashing in bed with me. We almost kissed, actually joking about it, and I kissed her on the cheek, where my lips almost touched hers goodnight without thinking of my now girlfriend, because we had just met. In all, I know I was just more flirty about it because I was intoxicated and this was someone that I obviously have kissed before. Now I have this sense of guilt like I cheated, because I had met my girlfriend and actually ended going on our first date the following day. She's asked about that evening, not out of jealousy, but just to ask. I think I was honest, but not 100% honest because I don't think that she wants to know that I was flirty with this friend of mine, joking about kissing her goodnight, and deep down inside, at the time, the guy in me may have wanted to. Did I do something wrong? I think I was honest to a point with my girlfriend, but not 100% honest, because I don't think she wants to know that I was thinking like this after we had met. Do I just leave it alone and move on. Did I do something wrong?
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female
reader, cca9130  +, writes (26 April 2011):
it's okay, I know how you feel, you didn't do anything wrong and every answer on this post has told you the same thing, it was good that you were honest with your girlfriend and told her about it, but keep the details to yourself. Only if she asks, tell her the truth.
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 This doesn't even merit one Hail Mary. You did nothing wrong. Get over it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): No you didn't do anything wrong, your girlfriend doesn't need to know the details and you weren't even with her at that stage.
If this were to happen again though then it would be a deal breaker.
Guilt is a good thing because it means you care, but you really have nothing to feel guilty about. Just do not get into a situation like that with this or any other girl again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): you did not know how your relationship with your now girl friend would turn out.
Technically you were still single.
You flirted with this other girl but possibly due to good luck, commonsense, or maybe you were a little too tipsy (who knows?), Nothing Happened.
So other than a minor episode of flirtiness, nothing happened. I am sure more (than that which did occur) takes place at a farewell kiss for tipsy workmates at a Christmas farewell.
Take a big deep breath.
And let this un-needed guilt go.
It is a complete waste of your time to hold on to un-needed guilt.
Put your energy into showing love for your girl.
Put your energy into devising new activities that can demonstrate and express your love for your girl.
Put your energy into thinking up what ideas/issues you could raise with your girl that would make her life easier or more pleasant.
Get a small note book and every day record your daily thought on what it is (that day) that you love aboit your gal. Look for beautiful things she does or that you notice that show your love. If the booklet has 30 pages then at the end of one month you can present it to your girl - a unique booklet that shows in your handwriting 30 things you love about your girl.
For instance 'the way her hair shines/glows as the sunlight catches the shine on her..... (color) hair in the morning'
You do not have time to waste on guilt. You have a girl to love and show your love to her.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 To me, this is the key statement: "because I had met my girlfriend and actually ended going on our first date the following day." While you'd met your (soon to be) girlfriend, you were not dating just yet. You didn't do anything wrong, and it's best if you just let this go. Why create possible problems where you don't need to?
I don't think you did anything wrong. Perhaps your judgement wasn't the best, but it's not like a kiss on the cheek is some sort of huge thing either. I have friends who I kiss on the cheek who are in relationships, and neither of you were in a relationship at the time.
Did you do something wrong? That depends on you. Obviously you feel like you did. I personally dont' think you did anything wrong, but if it's bothering you this much, perhaps there is something else going on in your mind.
I say let the past stay in the past. This is very minor, and happened before you were with your GF. Let it go.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 No you have done nothing wrong. You and your girlfriend now hadnt even been on your first date. Therefore no you never done anything wrong. I am guessing you are feeling guilty though because you are being dishonest with her as you are not telling her the truth. If you think that this is going to keep playing on your mind well then maybe you should just tell your girlfriend the truth. Tell her that you want to be completely honest with her at all times and tell her that this has been on your mind for quite sometime. If she cares about you well then this shouldnt be a problem. goodluck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): Just let it go, it's not a big deal, and I bet your girlfriend wouldn't think so either. You hadn't even been on a date yet, and nothing happened anyway. If you only know someone a day and aren't yet completely in love with her, it isn't exactly abnormal... If you love her now, and have stopped thinking about this friend, just forget about it. You didn't do anything wrong. And she doesn't have to know every little detail of your mind, right? The mportant thing is that you both want to be together and you haven't actually cheated on her.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 April 2011):
 ok so you had MET current GF when this happened but not yet even gone on the first date?
how in the world were you supposed to know that she was "the one" without having even dated her yet?
I vote for LET IT GO...
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A
male
reader, Drew21 +, writes (26 April 2011):
 I would say that you really have nothing to feel guilty about. You had just met the girl, and then the next night you had a bit of drunken flirting. Even if anything had happened, i would not tell your girlfriend about it. It was so early in the relationship, i think you're in the clear.
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