A
female
age
36-40,
*1sha
writes:Hi,It was my birthday yesterday. My boyfriend is in Germany at the moment with work. I have exams in 10 days. Before he left a few weeks ago we agreed to celebrate my birthday after my exams. He is having a horrible time in Germany and tells me that he hates his accommodation and spends his whole time at work to get away from it. He's alone and very lonely over there. Last week he told me that he had booked a flight back 'for your birthday as I'm getting extremely fed up here'. He asked to spend 4 days with me. I told him that I'd prefer to just spend my birthday afternoon together before he flew back and then catch up properly when he came back after the exam. He was very upset with this and asked to at least spend two days with me which I agreed to. He apologized for upsetting me but I didn't apologize at the time because I felt that he was in the wrong. On my birthday he brought me lovely gifts and took me out etc. It was very nice except we had a tiff about how I hadn't even wanted to see him and how hurt he felt about that. I told him that I thought he had only come back because he was bored and not for my birthday. He got really upset at this comment. I apologized but once you've said something you can't take it back , can you? I feel upset that I said this to him on my birthday and left bad feeling between us. He has gone back to Germany now and I apologized but I think he's still upset. he'll hide it and say he's not but I know he is. What can I do? Please help!Many thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): I agree with aunt honesty about making it up to him. Also this might be a good chance to communicate and understand each other better--after all, you had thought he only came to visit because he was bored based on the way he'd said it... I'm sure he understands you were stressed about exams at the time as well. Try explaining your intricate feelings (without being defensive) and articulate how you would feel if you were in his shoes--be as specific as possible, and don't bring up where you felt he was in the wrong at this point. Let him know you understand and value his feelings first. At the end of the day he most likely really wants to know you really do care about him and value him and his efforts.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 Well as you said there is nothing you can do now once it has been said. He made a lot of effort to come and see you for your birthday and I guess he feels really rejected now and who would blame him. You only wanted to spend one afternoon with him after him coming all the way back from germany to spend time with you, obviously this is going to make him feel unwanted and then you finally agree to two days and you hit out with that comment. At the moment yes I bet he is feeling really low and feels like you dont care enough to spend time with him.
I think you need to make this up to him by showing him that you do care about him. Plan something romantic for him and keep it a surprise. Make the effort to make things up to him and show him that you do care. goodluck.
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