A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have the worst luck with men. All my relationships that mattered has been when I don't look and all of a sudden it comes. I get swept off my feet, fall head over heals for the man, never expecting anything from it all in the beginning. It's hard for me to become convinced into a relationship but when it does, I always end up with men that have been divorced or are married. I give the divorcees a chance but never intend to be involved with the married ones. It seems the married ones pursue me and I fall into their charm.Lately, I got involved with a married man. Not too long ago a modern married romeo pursued me and I got suckered into his charm and sex. Just recently I realized I am falling for him. One drunk night I confessed this to him and things are not the same anymore. He has a wife and a kid...but even now the way he looks at me and the way he acts around me give me all the sign that if he wasnt married, things would be different. I know he likes me but his disposition with already being bounded by a wife and child holds him back. He's a good guy, great guy...but this situation just burns me right now. We don't do the same things we do anymore whether that is just him on his computer playing online spades while i'm watching his tv...i guess i know what i need to do but my goodness it hurts. Please give me some input. I am not asking for advice as deep down i know what i need to do but to those of you out there that have been there, what did you do to deal with this?
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male
reader, Who  +, writes (24 April 2009):
 “…to those of you out there that have been there, what did you do to deal with this?”
Well I have not been there, so if you do not want to hear some alternative advice, that you did not ask for, stop reading and go to your next answer.
“I have the worst luck with men. All my relationships that mattered has been when I don't look and all of a sudden it comes.”
Luck is preparation meeting opportunity. Do you want to have better luck in your next relationship? I’m guessing a little preparation now will improve your luck with your opportunity.
“It seems the married ones pursue me and I fall into their charm.”
I answer a lot of questions on this site from good men who don’t know how to pursue or charm a lady. I’m guessing you would be happier with one of these guys, rather than the slick operators you have been letting get close enough to sweep you head over heels. The trick for you now is to hang out with a variety of available men long enough for them to get their nerve up to ask you out, and long enough for them to figure out how to charm you. Eventually one will sweep you, I’m sure.
Where to available men hang out in your town? What do they do? Be in those places and do those things. Being friendly will shorten the time before they ask you out, but you may have to lay it on the line for some of them. If you have known a likely prospect for a little while, whom you would not be mortified to go out with, tell him “If you ask me out sometime, I’ll say yes.” Be prepared for him to be slack jawed and speechless for several minutes, and tongue tired after that. “Why don’t you think about it and get back to me”. It is OK to be going out casually with a few different guys at the same time. After you get them started, I’m sure one will figure out the charming business, and then sweeping.
Best of luck.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 April 2009):
 You don't have bad luck, you make bad DECISIONS. Once you know a guy is married, you should head in the opposite direction, fast, quick, and in a hurry. No exceptions. Now do what you know you have to do with the current married man.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (24 April 2009):
 You need to end it with married men. This was not a matter of having bad luck as it was making a bad choice. You show vulnerability in your question, and knowing that you knew there may be a chance for a relationship to grow to something more than just a sexual relationship. Therefore it's your actions, by your choices that lead to this result.
You want a relationship. Be with those who are looking for the same, not those who already have what you're looking for.
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