A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am building resentment toward my husband. My husband though is a nice man has no ambitions whatsoever. He has his small business, which basically pays for itself. I don't even know what he does with his money. He pays for his clothes, outings with boys and when we go out , he buys food sometimes, but that's about it. Everytime I ask him how business is doing its always " slow".I am very busy at my work, and make good money. We live in a paid for house, I paid it off years ago with my yearly bonuses. We have 2 good cars. And our 2 kids already done with colleges and have good jobs also. Recently at my work there were some disturbing news about company going through really tough times. Though I am still in my 40s, I started thinking about it, what if company closes, what are we to do. With the way my husbands business is going there is no way we will survive on that income, if I don't have my income we will have to live on my pension plan which is far from enough to live the life we are accustomed to. I am too young to get my social security benefits. Then my thought went to my life with him, and it made me very sad. I never felt with him like someone is there behind me to support me if I need it. My whole life I was the one who made desicions about everything: kids, expences, vacations and even little everyday things. My husband took a position of this little boy who is told whatto do and where to go. Now he just shrugs his shoulders and tells me that we will come with some thing. I ask him how much money he thinks his business makes. He has no idea, his aloofness just shocks me and I think it is nearing an insanity. He told me has couple thousand In a bank. Couple? That's just insane. He pays for nothing ona house, all my money is going toward our bills. What is he spending his money on? I know he helps his parents that live abroad, but his parents are very old and never leave the house. They don't really need that much, because medical is all paid for them And they have good pension. I think I made a big mistake of not including him in paying bills, but to explain: we married very young, whe we were still in college. He never went to work for a company and started this little business of his. I right aWay had a very good job, and automatically started paying all the bills, as he was in a starting mode with his business. Then 2 kids came along one after another, and I had a lot of help from my family to raise them, so I could continue to work. He was struggling for years trying to make any money with his business so it was hopeless to even start asking him to contribute. He kept on saying, when he builds clientele he one day will support us totally. Well, that never happened. It became a long story, but what I feel now toward him is total hopelessness that he will ever step on and do so etching about this situation. I feel. Huge resentment toward him for that and don't know what to do About it
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (15 November 2014):
 You have been given excellent advice on here. So get yourself a lawyer, an accountant whatever you have to do to find out exactly what is going on. Stop sitting in the dark wondering what is going on and asking questions and not getting answers. Your husband has no right to be withholding information from you. You NEED to know what is going on. I'm sorry to sad like a pessimistic person but what if your husband died tomorrow?? What on earth would you do? You have no idea what is going on. Change that situation lady...immediately! Find out exactly where you stand and then you can make educated decisions..like about the future of your marriage. Be smart, not lost.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 November 2014):
 You've been with this man long enough to have "...2 kids already done with colleges... " and you are JUST NOW beginning to question what your hubby does with his time and life??????
YouWish is giving you the "starting position" that you must take... HIS business is, in fact, YOUR business, as well.... Learn about it.... See what it (the business) means to both him and you....
Armed with that information, pay attention to sugarplum's reply... and decide if you really DO have a "marriage" going on... and, if so, do you want to continue as one of the participants....
Take a deep breath and get started. You MAY learn things you would prefer not to know..... BUT, you may ALSO, learn that things are NOT ONLY not grim.... BUT ALSO that you (and hubby) are in pretty good stead.
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (15 November 2014):
 It is simple leave your marriage. It is easy to say that you control and manage everything and he just continue to work in his business. What you failed to realise you are equally guilty as you allowed him to take advantage of you and you ended being basically the sole bread winner and took responsibility for everything. Get a good lawyer and ensure that what ever you paid for you can keep. Because once you start snooping into his business (right/wrong)he will think you want a divorce and make sure he takes half of everything. So wise up, get legal advise and make sure you know what you want and how you are going to handle the situation.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 November 2014):
 All I had to do is look at the flag you have to know that you don't realize how much information you're actually entitled to in this matter.
He started this business when you were married. This means it's not just HIS business. It's a communal asset in the marriage. You are entitled to 50% of his business in the event of a divorce, and it falls under the same laws as investments.
You can demand a profit and loss statement. Do you not have access to tax returns, corporate and personal? You can tell quite a lot about the general health of a business from the last 7 years of tax returns. Who is his lawyer and accountant? You can get access to the papers to know where the money's going and how profitable it actually is.
You can get credit statements, quarterlies, insurance declarations, if he has employees (doesn't sound like it is), and what kind of business it is (Sole Proprietorships, LLC, S-Corp), and especially if he's a sole proprietorship, your credit is in question as well as your liability, jointly and severally.
Run a credit check on yourself to see if he has used your credit to get stuff for him personally or businesswise. Too many women never know how to financially navigate, letting their husbands handle all the money without thought.
If you start seeing these documents, you could learn more about what he's up to than he does. If you have money and don't know how to chase down the paperwork, hire a PI to do a "forensic audit" on his business and personal affairs. You could uncover some earth-shattering things.
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