A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hai everyone.my ex and i have been broken up for six months.it was a bad breakup (he cheated on me),so i broke up with him.but i have forgiven him.well he asked me back and he has shown me signs that he wants this to work,but i don't know what i want.we stay in the same area so we get to see each other a lot.i haven't been seeing anyone since the breakup.well me and my ex agreed to stay friends.he was my first.i have had a had time getting over him,but now i feel ok.am pretty great.there are some days when i miss him though.just miss talking to him.then last night i went to visit him,we talked and laughed.one thing lead to another,we started holding hands.and then he started caressing me and kissing my neck.and there i was,i just stood couldn't do anything nothing moved in my body.i felt nothing,nothing at all,so i ended up pushing him away,i noticed that he got a little upset.this is not the first time it is happening since our breakup.except last night left me thinking.i don't know whats wrong with me.there are times when i long to be with him,just to see his face.and when i get the chance and when he is so close to me i do nothing.but am not sad about this whole thing,am just a little confused.i don't know what i want.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): you don't trust him because he has cheated on you. That's very natural. And when it comes to physical intimacy, it reminds you of the act he did with someone else so that turns you off, or to "survive" the moment rather than giving in to your pain instead you shut down and thus feel numb.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): Its understandable that you long to be with him. Any relationship, whether short or long is where we actually become close to one person. The fact you were with him and he was your first and miss him and long for those moments, is just signs that you are human and normal!
The fact that you didnt feel anything when he touched you, and didnt want to proceed makes me think that maybe you did get over him after you broke up. Maybe not over him fully, but at least over the fact that he cheated and that you would never be the same again. It's possible you even dont see him the same way sexually. Again this is probably normal.
If you aren't feeling 'into it' then I think its time you left it as friends and moved on. I personally think that sometimes a relationship runs its course. He stuffed up, and its great you were happy giving him a chance again, but maybe just maybe you have moved on in that 6 months and in reality things cant go back to how they were before. It's a new relationship and maybe youre just not that into the new relationship!
Do what you feel is right. DOnt force yourself to feel anything for it. Give yourself time away from him and see if its time you moved on and just remained friends.
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A
female
reader, mammaboo  +, writes (23 November 2011):
 The more bad things that happen in a relationship the harder it is to have sex which is not crawling with anxiety and doubt.You have alot of things on your mind and he maynot be willing to talk them through,but you can try.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 November 2011):
 sounds to me like you know that it's wrong for you to forgive him and trust him again...
do you miss the liar and cheater he is or do you miss the man you need and want him to be?
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (23 November 2011):
You say you have forgiven him, but do you think actually, you haven't? Your body is rejecting him for a very good reason. He is not to be trusted. Of course you still have feelings for him, in that you want to be with him, but that doesn't remove the thought in the back of your mind.. can you ever trust him again? Either this is going to take more time, so that you can learn to trust him again, or you need to think, is it worth it?
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