A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok so i am currently in a relationship with my boyfriend. im 23 and hes the only person ive had sex with and dated! and hes 24 and i am not his first, im his 13th sex object. right now in our relationship were happy, i know he loves me, he was the first to say it. i love him too but how could i be 100% sure anyway? ive never "loved" anyone else....ANYWAY my problem is im getting older, the more time i stay with him im losing opportunities to experience being young and having sex with other guys, and going on dates, etc. i gave my boyfriend my virginity at 22 because i felt loved and i loved him back. but the thing is i cant help but feel like im missing out on being young and experiencing other guys! he has had lots of experience before me, hes had his fun (with past a girlfriend, many one night stands, and friends with benefits)! so he now knows what he wants in a relationship/woman. whereas i dont know anything about men. i just know him. i feel like im possibly missing out, i dont want to be 40 and regret not living it up when i was younger and men actually wanted me. also me and my boyfriend have been together since march 2011. i dont know i feel like a loser for being so inexperienced, also i feel disgusted when i think about my boyfriends past, him having sex with strangers is repulsive to me...it makes me regret ever giving him my virginity in the first place, because obviously we dont view sex the same. anyways i cant help feel this way! if we stay together for 2 more years or we get married, i will always have these thoughts on the back of my mind!! i have a feeling that i will regret wasting my younger years with only 1 man, even if i love him. i just need some advice! is it normal to feel this way? does anyone else feel the way i do? what are other peoples views on being with only one person? thanks for reading!
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female
reader, Sassy1 +, writes (19 April 2013):
You've said something that you might want to think about: "....also i feel disgusted when i think about my boyfriends past, him having sex with strangers is repulsive to me...it makes me regret ever giving him my virginity in the first place, because obviously we dont view sex the same."Now, what do you think some men may feel if you had given yourself to others before them? You are one of the lucky rare few that can say they have only been with one. When all is said and done...., the truth is, your body and your integrity are the only true things that no one can take away. Protect them with your life. Tell your boyfriend how you feel. Be honest, tell him you want to explore all possibilities.... with him. See how he reacts. You will know by this reaction if you should stay or go.
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (8 October 2011):
You have a dilemma, you are curious about having other sexual experiences but not until you do will you discover that they are not always good. However, it does sound like you have something missing in your current relationship. Despite what others say, when people have a high number of partners, and especially casual ones, sex for them is more physical than an emotional expression. They have done everything in every way with someone else and often tell you about it. Something is spoilt for the other partner and a feeling of being sexually special will always be missed. I don't think you are the sort of person that really wants to have dozens of casual experiences, or you would already have already! However, if you have a partner who makes you feel really special sexually then you would never be having these thoughts. Your partners history as well makes it more likely he gets bored quickly and will look for others. The problem you have when you meet people is that it is virtually impossible to seperate the physical and emotional feelings you have but it is wise to find out first how well you match in all departments, not just sexually. If you seek a soul mate and if the love is strong enough then yes, as others say, the past doesn't matter, but where there are differences these can grow to cause problems later.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 October 2011):
 Danieldepew said:
"I feel that one doesn't usually have this kind of urges when one is sure about loving someone. I wonder if the relationship is really what you want."
I could NOT agree more.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2011): Believe me you'll forever regret NOT having the pleasure of physical sex, and yes, you will want to have that experience if you wed the guy. My wife was a virgin and she has cheated several time, but she thinks I'm only aware of one such event. I only had one sexual event to look back on when we married, and I often hunger for more, and so does she. We've been mmarried over 50 years now and she has turned into a crabby sour witch! My advice is go for it and enjoy yourself!
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A
female
reader, LustyLisa +, writes (26 September 2011):
I think people get caught up on the numbers of partners and it's supposed to mean something in the world of "experience". You can have just as much sexual "experience" with just one partner. You can experience a world of sexual encounters with the same person as you can with multiple people, just takes imagination and willingness to experiment on both sides.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 I feel that one doesn't usually have this kind of urges when one is sure about loving someone. I wonder if the relationship is really what you want.
Or maybe you're upset that he had sex before while you didn't, so you sort of want to get even?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2011): You're not missing out, in my opinion anyway. Had other factors (personality, life goals, etc) worked out between me and my "first," I would have been quite content to never look further. I think unless there is no "spark" in bed, or your partner is closed-minded about things you feel you must try, or is one of those guys who doesn't give a damn if you come or not, so long as he does, it's probably not worth ruining a perfectly good relationship to look for greener grass.
That said, if you're still curious... experiment now, when you're not married, have no kids, and won't be affecting anyone other than him and you with your decisions. And have the grace to break up with him first... even if he slept with 100 women before you, if he has never cheated on you then you should not repay him with infidelity. Good luck & best wishes :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2011): In general, mismatched sexual histories are bad for a couple's compatibility. It takes different kinds of people to get different histories.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 The first thing that concerned me from your post is the way that you said you are his 13th sex object. Is that the way you view yourself as an object? It sounds to me like you don't have confidence in yourself and your relationship. I personally don't see what you would be missing out on if you where single. What really do you think would be so special about having sex with other men. Do you think it would make you feel good about yourself? Because believe me it won't. If you are happy in your relationship and you love your boyfriend well then I don't think you should do anything that you will regret. You are not inexperienced just because you have only had one sexual partner. Believe me it is something that you should be proud of. Am sure he doesn't view you as a sex object and you shouldn't regret giving him your virginity. You where in a relationship, believe me you would regret it a lot more if it was with someone you didn't care about. Just try and forget about his past experience and look to the future.
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A
male
reader, landomando +, writes (25 September 2011):
Sex is sex. I mean a penis is a penis right. so really you arent missing out on anything except being used for a 1 night stand. If u are feeling the urge to have sex with a guy that doesnt care about you at all and will never call you back, make you feel like you are his everything then the next morning you wake up and realize you arent then yes you are missing out. But being with a guy that actually cares about you, should mean more then a guy that doesnt. My girlfriend has had sex with 4 other guys. she was my first. I love her with all my heart and have no reason or feeling to want to have sex with another girl. I think being with the person you love means something more then a random 1 night stand.
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A
female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (25 September 2011):
How can you call yourself a sex object when he loves you? Grass is always greener on the other side. You think its more fun to sow your wild oats while a certain lady out there wishes she found a man who loved her and settled down with her. Life can be weird at times.Of course naturally i'd say dont do it, better not to have regrets,etc but then again they say experience is the best teacher, so you will know the pros and cons of sleeping around before you settle down. But if someone told you fire is hot, and maybe you actually see someone getting burnt, do you still have to put your hand in the fire and get burned yourself just to agree that fire is hot?Are you really in love with your bf? Where does all this leave him? If you part do you intend to get back with him or thats the end, you're leaving a guy who loves you for the sake of fun?If you indeed live out your thoughts you will discover that you werent missing out on anything, all you will achieve will be increasing the number of men, and maybe decreasing your reputation a little.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2011): if you truly love him, you've got to ask yourself why these thoughts are going through your head. are you satisfied with him? (emotionaly and sexually?) relationships shouldn't be all about sex, and neither should the thoughts going through your head when you think of him. only you can tell if you can put these thoughts out of your head or ignore them, and continue with the relationship, or go have fun and gain new experiences, and think about a commited relationship after. whatever you chose, don't be tempted to cheat on your current partner. good luck!
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