A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:6 months back I caught my girlfriend cheating me on Facebook chat . She was doing that for like one week. When I got to know , I cried like hell and didn't say anything more than "you shouldn't have done this" to her such was my love for her. I gave her the ownership of my apartment and left for my hometown what appeared to be forever. But she kept on sending me text messages which made me return to this city again. Long story short, I forgiven her with all sincerity. Even since that incident, we are having excellent relationship and she thinks I am love her lifetime but once a while she recalls that cheating thing and starts cursing herself which I don't like since I have forgotten everything and want her to forget herself too now but she seems to be struggling to do so. She also has this fear that I might cheat on her to take revenge on her . Two months weeks back, she told me that she wanted to resign from her job and wanted to go with me to my office so she could remain with me 24/7 as she now cant live for a damn second . So I talked to boss and he let me to have her in our office. But since it sounded to me inappropriate to have her in the office without doing anything, I split my work with her and it gets me stunned to death to see her doing things so fast on which I supposed to spend hours, she gets in done in hardly more then 30 minutes. Owing to this, I give her 2000 Euro out of my 6000. She was not keen of having jogging in the evening as she is one of those girls who don’t put on weight no matter how much food they consume, but she recently also has started jogging with me and also share shower with me. So technically, we are together 24/7 . I love her for loving me so passionately and I am also used to this now . The more she spends time with me, the more I love her .But one of my friends scared me recently that she might be a psycho. Are these signs of psycho ? Or my friend just tries getting it all wrong in my head? Should I take her to doctor? My get feeling says she it not but you guys take on this would broaden my knowledge . Thank you all!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): this is a very bad idea, your relationship sounds unhealthy and I'm concerned not just because of her over dependence on you but also by your nonchalance and even your delight at it. Her whole world is now revolving around watching you like a hawk 24/7 to make sure you're not going to cheat on her, to the point she's given up her own job, her own activities, her own free time, and is imposing on you in ways that are highly inappropriate. it almost sounds like she has a phobia of being away from you. This isn't something that's good for her or you. Whether or not you see no problem with it, the fact is that it's really not a good idea for her to be doing your job for you unofficially. Your boss didn't hire her on as an official employee, correct? instead she's doing your work for you just so she can have you in her line of sight all day. this could lead to legal trouble at your job if there's a mistake or problem with the work that she did and which led to consequences. Whose responsibility would it be? who's accountable? You? Your boss? the organization? I don't know what kind of work you do, but there could be serious liability issues here for your boss/you/your organization if someone who's not employed by them is doing their work and something goes wrong. You really shouldn't be taking her to work with you, and if she can't emotionally handle that it's very concerning and she needs to see a counselor.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): yes your girlfriend is a psycho. she sounds like a stalker, to be honest. Frankly I find it scary that she quit her job just so she can be with you at your work. Ok so you got her helping out at your office and she's doing the work better than you, that's fine. But that's beside the point, because that's not the reason she quit her job. she quit her job so she won't have to be apart from you for those 8 hours a day and that's scary to me.then she doesn't like jogging but has now taken up jogging NOT for her own health but simply so she won't be apart from you for that hour or so that you spend jogging?? and then she even has to follow you into the shower too?? this is nuts!!! What about when you have to use the bathroom??it's only a matter of time before you lose all your friends. You can't really maintain or develop friendships if you never have any one-on-one time with those friends, it's just not the same with your gf tagging along all the time. And sounds like she'll probably freak out if you wanted to spend time with your friends without her.then what if you wanted to get a new job, or got laid off and had to get a new job but they won't let her tag along? then what? how will she cope if she needs to be with you 24 hours a day?I'm sorry but this doesn't sound romantic at all, this does sound psycho to me, I see red flags all over the place. I see a woman who's out of control and on the verge of a nervous breakdown and is in desperate need of professional mental health care. yes you definitely should take her to a doctor if you care about her.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (1 October 2011):
Not sure what you mean by "psycho" exactly but your friend is absolutely right in the sense that your girlfriend's behavior is definitely not normal and it's very emotionally and mentally unhealthy and destructive. But you're feeding into it and you're helping to make her even worse by allowing her and even encouraging her in her unhealthy ways. Right now you don't see a problem with her behavior because your relationship is still new enough that you haven't been worn down yet. But her behavior is very dysfunctional and unhealthy and destructive to relationships and to herself. Her behavior is just not sustainable over the long term. Think about it: she has really intense fears of abandonment and anxiety, taken to such extreme lengths that she can't be apart from you for even a few hours?? This is dysfunctional because it's just not realistic that you and her can live like this forever. Every day, for the rest of your lives.Right now it might seem like not such a big deal to you because this has only just started doing this so you're not worn down yet, and you may even find it flattering, but after a few years down the road, you will probably be feeling very differently and in a negative way. You will probably come to feel controlled and suffocated, yet you won't be able to undo this mess because by then the pattern of her clinging to you so tightly has been established that the slightest deviation from it or attempt by you to get some breathing space is likely to result in her anxiety or fear getting out of control and the only way you two will know how to deal with it is to go back to her clinging to you. So you will be held hostage emotionally and you will come to resent her for the sense of burden you will feel. This will make the relationship feel toxic rather than pleasant. Now is the time to do something about this, before these patterns have become too ingrained. Your girlfriend should learn to be independent enough to lead a normal life. Given how extreme he clinginess is, she may very well need professional help like a therapist. It's just not normal for an adult to need to be in the company of their partner to avoid being afraid, to the point that it disrupts both of their lives. It's going to ruin her life because she can't have her own job or hobbies. I mean, already she quit her own job so she could hang out at your job! that's not mentally healthy. And if she were to have kids some day she won't be able to take care of them if she has to be with you during the workday as well. It's disruptive to you because you can't count on always having all your future bosses and coworkers be OK with your partner hanging out at your workplace all day every day! In many workplaces it's not legal. And it's also going to be unhealthy if you're never allowed to have any "alone time" or time spent with your friends and family that dont' involve her.You should stop enabling her to continue on her destructive path. Right now you're enabling her by allowing her to cling to you. The more you allow it, the worse her fears of abandonment will become. So you're actually helping to make her worse. This is because she obviously feels intense anxiety being away from you, so instinctively she wants to cling to you to make her fear go away. And so you allow her to cling to you, allow her to follow you around 24/7 and thus her fear goes away. What has just happened is that you've both created a situation where the only way for her to feel OK and not become anxious or fearful is for her to cling to you. So of course she'll do it more and more. And this is exactly what has happened - first she wanted to hang out in your place of employment. Then she wanted to also go jogging with you after work. Then now you can't even take a shower alone. you need to tell your girlfriend that no she can't go to work with you and follow you around 24/7 even in the shower, it's not normal. For her own good, she has to stop doing this. She needs professional help, she should see a therapist and if necessary she should take medication if therapy alone doesn't help bring her relief. The answer is not for her to be joined at the hip with you, it's for her to reduce her fear so she doesn't need to cling to you to feel OK.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): While it may be unconventional...as long as both of you are comfortable with your current arrangement, then, there is nothing wrong about it.
She isn't psycho. A psycho girlfriend would have followed you to your home city when you left. She would have gps, and possibly keylogging software on your phone. Etc. Etc. Etc.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 Spending 24 hours a day with each other is NOT healthy. Believe me you will start resending each other and arguing over silly things. When two people are in a relationship it is healthy to have some breathing space and time apart.
Your girlfriend is not a psycho. She has gotten possessive because she is scared that you will cheat on her the same way that she done to you. She is not a psycho but it is not healthy either. You need to talk to her and tell her that although you love her you both need to have some time apart as well. Maybe going to a couples therapist would benefit the both of you. Talk to someone professional.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2011): i wouldn't say that shes psycho, but she sounds insecure about herself, leading to her being insecure about your relationship. she obviously feels guilty about the cheating, but soon enough 24/7 presence will be too much for you, no matter how much you love her. the only way you can clear your head is by talking to her. explain that you have no intentions of cheating on her, and that you wouldn't. hopefully that will calm her thoughts, but if not your going to have to think of a way to gain her trust, maybe even leading to couple counsilling, or asking a relationship advisor. good luck!
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