| A
female
,
*dwina90505
writes: Dear Cupid, I am a 44 year old single woman (and a virgin) and have nowhere to live because of various events in the past 2 years. However I am welcome to live with my mother and step dad, who are generous and considerate generally speaking. However my step dad is a naturist (actually my mum is also) and says that by all means come and live with them but I have to accept that he may well be naked much of the time. This makes me cringe. I don't feel threatened and he is always clean, sits on a towel, and just does what any man would do around the house, but in the nude. I feel I cannot accept this condition but have nowhere else to go. What can I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, edwina90505 +, writes (29 October 2017):
edwina90505 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks so far. The relevence of my virginity is simply to emphasise my unfamiliarity in real terms with the male anatomy although obviously I have seen photos and artist's impressions of same. I suppose my main problem is that I cannot define - even to myself - the reason that I know I would be offended by what I encounter, and indeed I would be more than extremely uncomfortable for any of them (or anyone else) to see me naked. It is 'how I am' but it is a fear that to me is illogical but very very real, even though I'm sure I have a 'normal' body. I just think he's a bit mad - but he thinks it is me that is being irrational as I cannot articulate why I would find his nudity unacceptable.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (29 October 2017):
 This has got to be the most unusual question I've ever come across, and I have to say the aunts and uncles have done very well with the replies. I have an indirect experience along this line. A guy at a factory near my home was a naturalist. I knew one of his coworkers. Anyway every day when he got into his vehicle to go home, off came the clothes. Very awkward for his coworkers of both genders.
The good news is you can be out of the house, looking for work, working , part time if necessary, networking, and in general doing the things you need to do to get back on your feet financially. Put a positive spin on it and consider it motivation.
It also may help to note that naturalists do not find nudity sexual. It is the default state to them and not a prelude to sexual activity.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (29 October 2017):
 Hey it's their home, their choices. They're still opening their doors for you. I think you should be grateful and take it till you can get back on your own feet.
What happened in the last two years that has rendered you homeless? Do you have a job?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2017): Before I'd live on the street with no walls, trash, stray animals; or no place to rest my head. I'd accept your parent's invitation.
It's not permanent, it's until you get on your feet. Keep your eyes forward, and pretend you don't see anything. You can also warn them when you're coming through; and leave them the option to cover-up. Otherwise; get used to it.
Your mother can live with it. Are you looking down your nose at her too?
I think you need to swallow your pride and take the offer.
You're not considered holy or an angel; because you're a virgin, my dear.
Right now you're in financial-straights, and people who love you offered you help. I think you can live with their quirks and eccentricities. I have a hunch they'll make some adjustments for your sake; but don't expect them to. It's their home.
The street or a homeless shelter are your other options. No telling what you might see in a homeless shelter. The street is open to the public; and I've seen unbelievable things that people will do in public.
Honestly, do you think your step-dad runs around naked 24 hours a day! He has to wear clothing sometimes! I think your fears are based solely on presumption and little fact.
...............................
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (29 October 2017):
Is your only other option living on the street? That can be dangerous...don't do it. You'll be putting yourself into a downward spiral. How about a tent in their back yard? If you have to live in their house...well...that's what you have to do. At your age you should have your own place...and they are right to expect that. It really isn't fair to ask them change their ways. Keep your eyes aimed from the neck up and don't cause any scenes or do anything to make them feel uncomfortable. And put all your effort into getting a job so you can get your own place asap.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (29 October 2017):
 Really? Choose the house. Nudism can be awkward, but it's better than nothing. Just learn to look away or only at his face. I think you'd get used to it and barely notice once you'd been there a few months. Take them up on their offer, then work on stabilising your life and moving out again.
Out of curiosity, why are you a virgin at 44? It's not wrong or bad, I'm just wondering if there's perhaps something holding you back from serious relationships? It's irrelevant to this predicament, though.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 October 2017):
 If the choice is between being homeless or live with a guy who is a nudist, I know what MY choice would be.
While I get the "cringe-factor" (sorry, old naked guys are just not something I want to see in my daily life...) I would RATHER suck it up and have a roof over my head.
I would probably spend my of my time in my own space/room but at least not be on the streets.
Why can't you find a roommate situation or a place of your own?
At 44? Virgin or not is irrelevant by the by.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2017): Wow that is awkward to say the least..IMO it isn't much of an offer if your stepdad and mom really insist on walking around naked all the time.Surely if they were serious about asking you back in, they would have to respect everyone's privacy, which means putting on some clothes. I mean that is like saying, oh come live with us but hope you don't mind if we make you watch us have sex, or watch us go to the bathroom, etc...things that most normal human beings would not be okay with sharing. Obviously it is okay if they go nude while it is just the two of them, but IMO that shows a lack of regard for your comfort. You are not part of their partnership so you should not have to be subjected to seeing them naked.It is kind of the same as the crime of indecent exposure. If people don't want to see your parts, cover them up! That is taking away others' ability to consent and disrespecting their boundaries (in this case YOUR boundaries). I get that it is their own house but I really don't think it is fair of them to make the offer on the condition that you have to watch them naked. I'd be mad that they couldn't be a little more accommodating. Can you try talking to your mom and see if she can see reason?
...............................
A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (29 October 2017):
 Seeing that you have nowhere else to live you should give it a try. Your imagination may actually be sabotaging your chances of being in a loving environment. It might not turn out to be as bad as you think. Is it possible you are attracted to your step-father because you mentioned you are a virgin? It should only be a matter of getting use to seeing their uglies all the time. This sounds like it could make a great icebreaker for future dates. See the good in it.
All the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (29 October 2017):
 You cannot expect your mum and step dad to change their life style because of you. After all, it is their house and you would be their guest. It is very generous of them to make you welcome back there.
Presumably you would have your own bedroom so could you stay in there as much as possible and make it a sort of den? I assume you would only be staying there until you got fixed up with somewhere of your own, so it would not be a long term thing?
Not sure why you needed to mention you are a virgin? Would you feel any differently about their nudity if you were not?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2017): I'm sorry to hear that you have such problems. But you said it yourself, you have nowhere else to go.
You say that it's their way of life (your mom's too) and that they are considerate and most importantly that your stepdad is a decent human being.
Be grateful that you have a place where you're welcome and do whatever you can to make your stay there as short as possible.
...............................
|
