A
female
age
41-50,
*likenight
writes:I feel like I don't want to be friends with my "best friend" anymore. When she calls, I don't want to talk to her. She's been really skanky lately, drinking to the point of having to go into emergency, taking pills, neglecting her 2 y/o daughter, having unprotected sex with just about anyone, including her really good friend's boyfriend at her friend's house. Everything that comes out of her mouth is either a total lie or a boast of how she's been starving herself and throwing up food. She is 24 and she acts like these things are cool. I stopped talking to her for a while, because all she ever wanted was a baby sitter last minute, and she'd promise to pay me and never would, or to come get my empty bottles to take back to the store for money, or to do her laundry at my house. She's dating a guy who is a huge alcoholic and pill popper and is only 6 months clean from heroine and coke, etc..he is probably going to get her into it if she isn't already.I've known her for 14 yrs. I have taked with her and she said she'd change but made no effort to do so. A friendship is supposed to be give and take, and all she does is take. Even on the phone all she talks about is herself and her boyfriend or her self inflicted problems like how she's getting evicted and can't afford to pay her day care bill or how she almost got fired for missing work. All of her problems are caused by alcohol. She spends all her money on it too. Should I just stop talking to her all together? The other day I didn't answer her call so she just stopped by and said she had to "kill time" before going to one guy's house, and then another's. I live so close to her and I hate that she thinks she can just stop by, especially when I didn't answer her call. Obviously I didn't answer for a reason. I have a 3 mo. old and am pregnant and I don't want to deal with her drama and lies. Plus if she were to stop by here, and I weren't home just my boyfriend were here, I'd be really mad. He doesn't like her, he thinks really low of her, I just don't want her around. What should I do?
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male
reader, Uncle Trev  +, writes (7 August 2007):
I believe in keeping clear from your best friend you are being very wise.
Alcahol has taken over her life by the sounds of it other drugs are about to as well, she is hanging around with like minded people too and by what you have said she is day by day becomming just like them.
If you throw an olive branch out to people like this they tend to do one of two things - they either grab the olive branch, and gradually try to help themselves out of their mess or they grab hold of you attempting to drag you down to their level with them - rather like a bucket of crabs at the seaside, when one tries to climb out the others grab onto him and pull him back down into the bottom of the bucket. The friends are grabbing her one way and you are trying to grab her the other.
You can usually tell what is likely to happen by judging how ready they are to want to get out of their situation. In short they usually have to wait to hit the absolute bottom before they realise where they are and it is only there and then when the desire awakes to do something about it.
By what you have said I believe your friend is still on that downward spiral and you say nothing that gives me the impression that she wants to get off and get out of that scenario at the moment.
In your shoes I would stay well clear for the sake of your children and your boyfriend, and maybe one day in the future you could be there and ready but only once she can utterly convince you that she is ready to change and put all this rubbish behind her.
You may have to go through a very long wait for this though.
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (7 August 2007):
 Hi
I sympathise with you, been in a similar situ recently with a couple of people, one, my ex from years ago that keeps making the same mistakes & the other my own brother, similar to your mate with the booze & drugs & it drags you down i can tell you!
At the moment you are just sick of it all & need to distance yourself from people that are so negative in life. It makes you feel guilty yes, but if you are expecting, you have more than yourself to think about, and what about your 3 year old child?
Sometimes you really do have to put number one first & i bet that time has come for you, as it did me. It doesnt have to be for life, just for the time being, until she settles down a bit & grows up. Shes obviously got left behind in the maturing stage.
Might be best to explain this to her or she will keep turning up.
Its hard, but you really do have to put your family first now!
Hope it goes ok,
C xxxxx
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