A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have being living with my boyfriend for the last three months. We have our ups and downs and arguments about day to day things. I live 5.5 hours away from my friends and family. My boyfriend lives about half an hour from his family. I lived away from family for over four years but recently I have started missing them more. I feel quite lonely and my boyfriend never understands how I’m feeling, to the point where I never mention it. He says I’m always moody and that I cause all the arguments and problems in our relationship. I feel really down and I feel like I’m always the one who has to do all the making up when we have an argument and he tells me I have to apologise and what am I going to do for him to make it up to him. He has no male friends, he just has female friends and he wonders why I get upset when he’s messaging these women or ringing them. He makes out that I’m controlling him and can’t talk to other people but he’s met all my friends yet I’ve never met his. I’m beginning to think I’ve made the wrong decision moving in with him as now I have no support around me when these arguments kick off. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2022): Leave this guy. Try to get back to your family and tell him its over for ever.
He is also complaining about you to family and friends and he will continue to do so.
Imagine what he says behind your back if you judge by what he says to your face.
Get out and stay out.
That way you will encounter happier times in the future.
He is with you to advance himself by complaining about you, no matter what you do.
Some guys love and give.
Other guys complain and take.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (4 December 2022):
 Listen to your heart, here. Your instincts are telling you that this isn't the right place for you to be, and not the right relationship for you to be in.
It's okay that you made a mistake, and it's okay to correct it. We've all been there. This guy sounds like he's gonna give you a life of isolation and resentment. Nah, girl. Hard pass.
End this one, sweetness. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2022): Did you know your boyfriend has no male-friends when you committed to a relationship with him? Did you know he had only female-friends while you were dating, before you moved-in?
Seems you didn't know your boyfriend very well, and rushed into moving in with him. Now you want to change his lifestyle and regulate his social-life. If all the adjustments you want now weren't made before you committed and moved-in, it's unlikely he will change anything.
You're in your 30's, and I will just assume he is too. Which means you are both mature and experienced enough to know when a relationship isn't working-out according to plan. It might have seemed like a great idea to move-in; and you could keep an eye on him better. Maybe you jumped the gun, and decided you were ready; before you knew who his friends are, and didn't know much about his personality. It just doesn't seem like something that happens, when a fully-mature couple has been in a long-term relationship.
Well, your post certainly explains several reasons to ditch him, and move out. You won't change him, or make him give-up his friends. He doesn't seem too affectionate, or invested in the relationship. Sounds more like a roommate.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (3 December 2022):
 I am guessing you knew about his female friends before you moved in together, so have to wonder why you ignored this huge red flag and moved in with him regardless?
Strange that he accuses YOU of trying to control HIM when it actually sounds like the other way round. I mean, who tells someone what they have to do to make it up to them after an argument? All sounds very controlling and narcistic and sinister.
If you are already doubting the wisdom of moving in with him after such a short time, I would say you need to cut your losses and get out. If you cannot imagine yourself with him for the rest of your life, it is pointless wasting your time. Things are not going to get better. He is what he is. You are obviously not happy with how he is, so get out and find someone with whom you are happy. That is what you deserve.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (3 December 2022):
 They say that you never really truly know someone until you live with them.
It sounds like you have made a lot of sacrifices to set up home with him, while it seems he has made none. A lot of red flags are being presented here and you need to sit down and have a good long think if you want to stay in this relationship.
Ok so you have set home together, but its only been five months and you are already questioning if you made the right decision.
Don't feel pressured to stay just because you live together, it won't be the end of the world if you called it a day, finalised things there and moved back closer to home where you have more of a support network.
After all this time you have not met any of his friends, and the only ones you know of are all female whom he texts and calls constantly. Huge red flag OP.
Now is the time to maybe call it a day, i don't envisage things getting better anytime soon.
You health and happiness are the most important things, so maybe your best option would be to call it a day and move back closer to home.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 December 2022):
 "I’m beginning to think I’ve made the wrong decision moving in with him as now I have no support around me when these arguments kick off."
So maybe this is the point in time where you take a deeper look at this relationship and DECIDE can we make this work OR not.
If you don't think you can - long term or even short term, MAYBE it's time to look for a job closer to home, end it with BF, and move there.
If you have been together for 3 years and have never met any of his friends, who by the way are all female, WHY are you with him? You clearly DO not trust him and he CLEARLY doesn't give a SINGLE fuck about how this could make you feel.
Lastly, you say "have no support around me when these arguments kick off." Um, when you have arguments with a partner it's something YOU TWO need to work through and figure out, you can't run off every time or expect someone else to come and referee your arguments.
I think YOU have come to realize that YOU ignored a LOT of red flags and now you feel stuck because you two are living together.
You aren't stuck with him for life. If this relationship is as toxic as you describe, NOW is as good of a time as EVER to get out and MOVE on. I know, change is scary. But can you really see yourself with this guy 5 years down the road? 10? And not see a miserable you?
I think you also know the relationship is kinda over.
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