| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have a bit of a strange problem. My birthday is coming up and long story short, I have no intention of celebrating it. To me, I don't see any worth in celebrating another year of me doing absolutely nothing worthwhile, and I don't see the fuss.The long story, and the problem, is that no one sees this point of view. Mom is absolutely hellbent on celebrating it, and my boyfriend does not see why on earth I'm having such a problem with it. My dad, after me trying to explain such a thing, got so insulted and hurt we ended up having a shouting match and using ad hominem attacks on each other. Essentially, he never wants me to ever mention any favours again, and has declared that he will not even acknowledge my birthday...which is fine by me- but he still doesn't understand why, which is not fine by me, but I'll take whatever I can get.He asked me if my birthday is not a problem, then why I made a deal out of my 6th month anniversary months ago with my boyfriend. I really can't comment on that- it was important to my boyfriend, and a 6th month is basically a co operation of two people, so I can't really complain much about it...but my birthday should really be...well, about me, right?My friends are great, don't get me wrong, they've organized quite a few surprise birthday parties for me, and I love them for that, but I never had the heart to tell them that all I really wanted was to sleep in and just spend the day by myself in my room with no interruptions- I like reflecting. You'll see quite a bunch of surprised half-grins in those pictures.When I expressed that to my boyfriend, he was hurt and confused as well- why the hell on earth would I want to spend the day in my room by myself on my birthday? He's used to me sometimes isolating myself in my room for a day not wanting to talk to anyone, but he'd always thought that I might make an exception for him.I don't make an exception for ANYONE. It's very hard to explain this to anyone without making me out to sound like a selfish idiot, so hopefully I got the gist right.My ideal birthday would be to sleep in late, wake up, and just read the day through or play video games by myself- key word myself. I don't see any point in celebrating a bloody event that involves the passing of a year that I felt like I didn't accomplish something. I do NOT want to be reminded of it at all.However, this is obviously a conflict of interest for my parents, my boyfriend, and my friends. I feel completely sh-t for celebrating another year of failure, and I don't want them to waste their time- and it will be painful to act happy and grateful when sorry to say- I'm not. How on earth am I supposed to convince to them that NOT celebrating it and leaving me alone would make me happier than seeing anyone?Any advice is appreciated.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (18 August 2008):
 Hey sweetness,
Sometimes holidays are for OTHER people. These guys want to celebrate your birthday because they care about you and want to show you just how much. I totally understand that you would rather just chill out on your birthday and have a personal day rather than partying it up. However, if everyone is just dying to lavish you with birthday attention, tell them that you'd like to chill out by yourself and you'll catch up with them in the evening. Or, tell them that you guys can party the next day. Or, tell them - hey great!! Thanks for the birthday. As my birthday present to myself, I'm going to take the weekend to be by myself.
If your family wants to do something special for you, let them. There's no need to have all this family conflict, just because they really want to spend time with you and you'd rather be alone. Don't think of this birthday as a reminder of the year you've just had, celebrate your birthday for the year coming up. Celebrate the fact that you have loving people in your life who care about you a whole lot.
Don't get me wrong, I feel you on wanting to be alone. But I think that your family has genuine intentions from their heart. Let them do their thing for you, let them do their celebration. I think you can find a happy medium where everyone can be happy.
Good luck and happy birthday, sweet!
xx India
A
female
reader, junebug +, writes (18 August 2008):
just tell every1 that u like 2 relax and how u relax is being alone and being in a quite area.like some like to get back rubs,other their nails done.u like chillin by urself which is totally cool.thats how i do it.but u sound like ur depressed.did any of them push u to celeabrete ur bday bcuz they thought u was depressed?if every1 want 2 celabrate ur bday tell them ur gonna sleep in and when u get up then u will hang out with them for like a hour then u want to go home and relax.give them a lil love.idk.i wouldnt want my friends hang out by themselfs on their bday.oh! Or u can get a motel room or hotel room and dont tell any 1 just tell them u have plans but dont say with who and ur b/f understands i would just them him and tell him not 2 tell any1.sorry if i wasnt much help. Good luck xoxojunebugxoxo
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