A
male
age
41-50,
*amien
writes:I broke up with my gf there a few months ago after a long period of not being sure about whether I wanted to continue the relationship and going on 'breaks'. It was really tough cos she was my first and only proper long term gf and she was also my best friend and when I lost her I had noone in a place where I knew few peopl. I have since tried to move on but find I have no libido (although my plumbing works fine!). I don't know whats wrong, I can fantasis about her but not as easily about other girls (no interest in porn!) I also seem to feel weird around friends cos Im now sharin my time with them and am doin the things I used to do with her with them (minus the sex!), and it feels uncomfortable at times. I dunno does dis mean Im asexual gaysexual or what but I jus cant get interested in sex like I was and I'm feElin kinda insecure about myself and jus generally awkward because of it. I'm jus wonderin has anyone els felt like this. Thanks
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male
reader, texpsych  +, writes (8 May 2008):
First, let me say that I truly empathize with the pain you're experiencing. Losing your first love and your best friend in one shot is a bitch.
I'm no expert or doctor, but it sounds as if you're in the grieving/mourning stage of the breakup. This is a very natural and healthy reaction to the situation you're experiencing.
Depression is normal when something depressing happens. Loss of libido is sometimes a symptom of depression. But, really, if you were getting laid, you might find yourself in a rebound relationship, and then you'd really be in for it.
In time, you're going to be fine. You'll meet some hottie and make hot toe curling monkey love. You just need to be patient with yourself. I doubt it means you're gay. It means you're human. The most sensitive sexual organ in one's body is one's brain. Your brain isn't feeling too up to it right now, because it's dealing with all the emotional fallout.
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