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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm 19 and have trouble getting guys to want to go out w me.i don't know why. no guy ever asked me out. when i let myself fall head over heels over someone, and i take the initiative to make the first move, i am always, and i do mean ALWAYS, rejected.i have no idea of what it feels like to kiss someone you like. i have no idea of what loving someone means. or to be loved.i feel like i was never given the chance to show that i can care for someone (cus i do, even though it's unrequited).i've had my share of unimportant one night stands, but haven't been with anyone at all for well over a year.so i'm not stunning. i'm not gorgeous. maybe i'm not even pretty. i don't have a pretty face. but i'm fit, i'm always up for a laugh, i am passionate about the things and the people i care about. have goals and aims in life!why isn't it enough?is there some secret trick i don't know about? to make people want you?why am i the only person out of my friends and acquaintances that has never had a bf/gf and who is going on 20 and still a virgin, with no idea of what sharing your life with someone means? (emphasis, not on the lack of sex, even though it is a fact, but on the lack of love.)
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one night stand, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): Stop pretending to be who you are not. This can have a negative after affect, which you might be feeling when your alone.
Learn what your interested in, this forms a portion of who you are. Find those things that make you happy, will be the things that give you high esteem, feeling proud.
I have been with people that would talk about things I didn't know. I would keep silent and listen. Once I learned a little bit more about what they were talking about, I would have questions to help me better understand. It seemed to work, didn't seem as if anyone was offended by my silence.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): thank you all for the help.
just a quick clear on facts: i have loads of male friends. my class at college is all made up of guys, except for me and another girl. i have an equal amount of friends of both sexes so meeting guys or being around guys is not the problem.
the problem is not being interesting to none of them.
but i did get your point, yes. self confidence. it's a tough one to be honest. i try to act cool around people and feel good about myself around others. however, i think it is when i'm alone that i feel real shite. cus i know all my friends are with their better halves and i'm alone...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): You have friends, you can start there. Caring, being compassionate for there issues and concerns strengthens our ability to love. Accepting the like back, allows us to accept the same back, building mutual trust.
It isn't easy, and sometimes it is hard.
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A
male
reader, Andrew83  +, writes (23 April 2008):
 Dont worry what so ever about it and dont rush it in anyway. It will happen, maybe when you dont or least expect it to happen. Plus your still young at 19 so slow it down a wee bit.
Just go out and have fun with friends and dont think about it, just have fun ehh.
You never know whats around the corner
Hope this helps :)
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (23 April 2008):
 Hi,
I think you really need to understand what makes guys tick.
Now this may seem like the hardest question to answer but I think you should focus on getting some guy mates. College mates, old school buddies , work colleagues. Hang out with the guys a few times and see how they work, what interests them, what they like to talk about etc.
If you come on too strong to a guy, most of us will think you are too clingy, needy, desperate or whatever.
The key to any relationship is being able to communicate with your partner. You can only do this by getting to know the person first.
So firstly, until you have some experience under your belt, I wouldn't advise you asking any guys out. It will only further dampen your confidence if you get turned down again, and obviously your approach at the moment needs some revising. So let them come to you, be approachable, keep your sense of humour ( guys love it when a girl laughs at their jokes - yes, we are superficial pathetic creatures) and dare I say it, but dress to impress, show off your best features ( without going overboard obviously ! ) as we are visual creatures and many a loving relationship has started with a glare at a nice set of boobs or a figure hugging skirt (see above for shallow superficial man reference).
But drop the one night stands, they do nothing for your confidence and in your case are self defeating. Focus instead on getting a few guy mates, then you may just find one of them wants to spend more time alone with you.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (23 April 2008):
 hey hun - well first of all, your only 19!! slow down your still young and have plenty of time to fall in love. second of all - stop putting yourself down and concentrating on the rejection. hard to say as we all have those days of self doubt and wondering, but its doing us no good! there is a trick - a very simple one. CONFIDENCE.....for some reason, guys can sniff out the girls with confidence - the ones that are having fun, friendly, smiling and ever so slightly flirty. all this is probably the sexiest thing to a guy. stop telling yourself your not pretty and start telling yourself that you are fun, gorgeous, and a catch!! its not always the most attractive girls that are lucky in love, its the ones who are comfy in their skin and show that. i say go out and enjoy yourself, maybe have a party soon and invite your friends, boyfriends friends etc...and dont worry, it will happen, the other poster is right - a watched pot never boils. go out meet new ppl and have fun...just cos all your friends have/do have boyfs doesnt mean they are better off than you. relish that and good luck, email me if you wanna talk xxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): lol. join the club.
i'm a 19 year old guy thats still a virgin,
and i experience prety much everything u've just said, but with girls.
when i tell a girl i like them, they rip my heart out and stamp on it. i don't understand y i cant have a relationship like all my friends. girls on more than enough ocassions have said that i'm better looking than most of my friends, whats goin on? makes no sense. so i know how u feel. but dont worry about it. i know guy's and girls that havnt had their 1st relationship till they were 30 odd and their relationships seem to last the longest.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (23 April 2008):
 "is there some secret trick i don't know about? to make people want you?"
Yup - confidence! That is probably the most attractive trait to the opposite sex. And it sounds like you are seriously lacking in it - but why wouldn't you be, after a few knock backs?!
You need to have some faith in yourself. So you don't think you have the prettiest face - compared to who?? Different people have different preferences. Keep in mind that saying about how you should never frown because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
You need to relax and let these things happen. Don't be so anxious about it. A watched pot never boils :o)
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